So this will be my first topic here i guess, i want to share life and my experiances with INFJs as an INTJ. Since there are many INFJs here it could be fun to see things from the other way
I got into mbti about 6 months ago after hearing people talking about it non stop on another fourm. I found out that my type is INTJ. Man that was the third best day of my life, feeling that at 22 years old im not wierd and there are other people like out there ( villans mostly )
As Blake describe us, we are like cats. But when someone meaningful enters our life we become really stupid and emotional. If they manage to climb over the walls i have build around me that is.
I grew up with my siblings and my INFJ mom then i moved to Sweden when i was 15 to live with my dad who is ESTJ. Yeah im sure you all know what i mean if you had any experiance with ESTJs
Basically i grew up introverted and thinking that being introverted is a weakness. It was my life purpose to become a stronger person. I wanted to be that outgoing soical guy who has the coolest friends and dates the hottest girls. I was pretty immature but this way of thinking was was the only thing keeping me going and its a part of who i am.
Fast forward i met up with my INFJ ex through a friend. Then i started chatting her and later we started going out. At first i found her very boring and self reserved. I as the guy had to make all the moves, i didnt know about mbti back then. I thought i was doing something wrong, so i kept excerting high energy in order to impress her. Since a part of me believes that being myself and talking about deep stuff is not attractive to females.
On the second date i muster the courage to kiss her, and she melted. Almost started crying, she was just too overwhelmed. She was very odd, a part of her was very wild yet she was the typical INFJ. She was very self contradicting. She liked gangsters and people who do dangerious stuff, yet she was down to a deep talk. She really loved hearing me talk about all the intresting stuff i know. She was an amazing listener and made me feel happy to be myself. She could see right through me. I always made an effort to show vaulnrability, i didnt even try. I had intense passion an emotions and being with her made me express that part of myself. It was a strange love! We both had issues, inhad abbabdonment issues so i subconciously pushed people away and she had a very creul childhood. We both found happiness toghether. It was perfect, or so i believed, we never had an argument. We talk about deep stuff, we had an intense connection. What really made me fall for her was her selflessness, whenever she felt like i had no money she always sent about 200$ to my account! What sort of person does that? How can someone be so selfless, without even expecting anything in return? How can i not love something so perfect? I made sure to pay her back and i always wanted to make her smile. Also how she remebers what i say, how we related to each other…
She was my first true love. I mostly dated esfps and thought that most women are like that! So i never know that when i met her, i was in for a ride. Its that feeling that for the first time you meet someone who is exactly like you! I truly believed at one point that we were soul mates. And nothing in the universe can seperate us. She always tells me to be myslef, that i dont have to " pretend " to be high energy.
Then she started acting weird! I believe this is what Blake meant when he says that the infj scorpio devours her beloved under the guise of love. She started acting extremly cold! Almost to the point where it was like she was tolerating me unable to breakup. Yeah she is Scorpio.
One day i tell her that i wont put up with her being so distant and i dont see her as a friend. She says that she loves me but not as a lover but neither as a friend. And that she is still in love with her EX. But she still wanted me in her life. My pride was hurt, i guess its my Fi but whenever i feel that someone is not uppreciating me i turn into a block of ice and become vengful.
There was a girl i knew liked me, but i ignored her since i was with my INFJ gf at the time. I start going out with her and tell my gf at the time that im seeing someone else. I was still deeply in love with her but im very disconnected to my emotions and felt spitful. I told her in the most gentle way, then she says ok.
I never hurt or said anything horrible to her. I was always extra gentle with her, Seeing her happy made my world. At the same time i wasnt THAT type of weak nice guy. I workout 4 times a week since 2012, i went to millitary school for 4 years. I wasnt a meek guy. I had boundarys and thats why i left.
She ten calls me crying and saying how did it turn out this way, i tell her its nobodys fault. I never blamed her. Still the way she treated me made me feel utter emotional pain. She was never rude, or dishonest. She saw through me and she was killing me emotionally. Thats how it felt at the time.
Till this day, i have never connected with anyone as deeply as i did with her. It was bitter sweet. I would have done anything for her, but i could never put her first in my life. I have my goals and ambitions. Once i read about the " INFJ woman in love " i knew what was going on. I dont feel like playing games, i too crave deep intimacy but reading that in a way she was " bored " with me. And in order for her tp be intrested i need to start playing games? Thats just not me.
What pains me that everything was perfect! I had issues im aware, but she was always somewhere else. The fact that she started chasing me only after i broke up with her made that fact clear. Still im 22 and she is 18 i guess we are both immature.
After being with her, i dont even know if its possible for me to fall in love so deeply again. Maybe it was my fault in a way. I never showed jealousy since i nnow my worth. I felt jealous but i dont like those games, she always brags about how many guys text her or confess to her!
Since there are many infjs here, what are your thoughts! Is an INTJ/INFJ relationship doomed to fail? What do you guys think