An INTJs experiances with INFJs


So this will be my first topic here i guess, i want to share life and my experiances with INFJs as an INTJ. Since there are many INFJs here it could be fun to see things from the other way :smile:

I got into mbti about 6 months ago after hearing people talking about it non stop on another fourm. I found out that my type is INTJ. Man that was the third best day of my life, feeling that at 22 years old im not wierd and there are other people like out there ( villans mostly )

As Blake describe us, we are like cats. But when someone meaningful enters our life we become really stupid and emotional. If they manage to climb over the walls i have build around me that is.

I grew up with my siblings and my INFJ mom then i moved to Sweden when i was 15 to live with my dad who is ESTJ. Yeah im sure you all know what i mean if you had any experiance with ESTJs :disappointed_relieved:

Basically i grew up introverted and thinking that being introverted is a weakness. It was my life purpose to become a stronger person. I wanted to be that outgoing soical guy who has the coolest friends and dates the hottest girls. I was pretty immature but this way of thinking was was the only thing keeping me going and its a part of who i am.

Fast forward i met up with my INFJ ex through a friend. Then i started chatting her and later we started going out. At first i found her very boring and self reserved. I as the guy had to make all the moves, i didnt know about mbti back then. I thought i was doing something wrong, so i kept excerting high energy in order to impress her. Since a part of me believes that being myself and talking about deep stuff is not attractive to females.

On the second date i muster the courage to kiss her, and she melted. Almost started crying, she was just too overwhelmed. She was very odd, a part of her was very wild yet she was the typical INFJ. She was very self contradicting. She liked gangsters and people who do dangerious stuff, yet she was down to a deep talk. She really loved hearing me talk about all the intresting stuff i know. She was an amazing listener and made me feel happy to be myself. She could see right through me. I always made an effort to show vaulnrability, i didnt even try. I had intense passion an emotions and being with her made me express that part of myself. It was a strange love! We both had issues, inhad abbabdonment issues so i subconciously pushed people away and she had a very creul childhood. We both found happiness toghether. It was perfect, or so i believed, we never had an argument. We talk about deep stuff, we had an intense connection. What really made me fall for her was her selflessness, whenever she felt like i had no money she always sent about 200$ to my account! What sort of person does that? How can someone be so selfless, without even expecting anything in return? How can i not love something so perfect? I made sure to pay her back and i always wanted to make her smile. Also how she remebers what i say, how we related to each other…
She was my first true love. I mostly dated esfps and thought that most women are like that! So i never know that when i met her, i was in for a ride. Its that feeling that for the first time you meet someone who is exactly like you! I truly believed at one point that we were soul mates. And nothing in the universe can seperate us. She always tells me to be myslef, that i dont have to " pretend " to be high energy.

Then she started acting weird! I believe this is what Blake meant when he says that the infj scorpio devours her beloved under the guise of love. She started acting extremly cold! Almost to the point where it was like she was tolerating me unable to breakup. Yeah she is Scorpio.

One day i tell her that i wont put up with her being so distant and i dont see her as a friend. She says that she loves me but not as a lover but neither as a friend. And that she is still in love with her EX. But she still wanted me in her life. My pride was hurt, i guess its my Fi but whenever i feel that someone is not uppreciating me i turn into a block of ice and become vengful.

There was a girl i knew liked me, but i ignored her since i was with my INFJ gf at the time. I start going out with her and tell my gf at the time that im seeing someone else. I was still deeply in love with her but im very disconnected to my emotions and felt spitful. I told her in the most gentle way, then she says ok.

I never hurt or said anything horrible to her. I was always extra gentle with her, Seeing her happy made my world. At the same time i wasnt THAT type of weak nice guy. I workout 4 times a week since 2012, i went to millitary school for 4 years. I wasnt a meek guy. I had boundarys and thats why i left.

She ten calls me crying and saying how did it turn out this way, i tell her its nobodys fault. I never blamed her. Still the way she treated me made me feel utter emotional pain. She was never rude, or dishonest. She saw through me and she was killing me emotionally. Thats how it felt at the time.

Till this day, i have never connected with anyone as deeply as i did with her. It was bitter sweet. I would have done anything for her, but i could never put her first in my life. I have my goals and ambitions. Once i read about the " INFJ woman in love " i knew what was going on. I dont feel like playing games, i too crave deep intimacy but reading that in a way she was " bored " with me. And in order for her tp be intrested i need to start playing games? Thats just not me.

What pains me that everything was perfect! I had issues im aware, but she was always somewhere else. The fact that she started chasing me only after i broke up with her made that fact clear. Still im 22 and she is 18 i guess we are both immature.

After being with her, i dont even know if its possible for me to fall in love so deeply again. Maybe it was my fault in a way. I never showed jealousy since i nnow my worth. I felt jealous but i dont like those games, she always brags about how many guys text her or confess to her!

Since there are many infjs here, what are your thoughts! Is an INTJ/INFJ relationship doomed to fail? What do you guys think :slight_smile:


Oops, an experienced villan would have turned down 200$ loans from the 18 year old’s trust fund and worked a long con, tragic missed opportunity indeed.




Hey @Chrollo!

I think that when an INFJ sees you it feels a certain way so when they look away it feels like you’ve been killed. The lack of their attention after having it is too great and painful to comprehend or really manage.

I would say call her in 10 years. 28/32 years old sounds about right.


Rofl hahahahah! Bah i really dont like being in debt to someone or depending on anybody. So im still i that independant villan in a way


Nah John nobody is that worth it! I wasnt really intrested in a way to get her back or anything. Life id too short :sunny:

Also you are right! She knew exactly where to pinch


Are you absolutely certain of her type? She could be an INFP


Hi @Chrollo,
Thanks for sharing your story! I personally know one INFJ. A dear friend. She is my favorite person to be with. Super smart and funny. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for her to care so much, to have a depth of feeling that is rarely reciprocated. That’s the sense of inner turmoil that I get from her. I try to show her gentle warmth. I can reciprocate to some extent with steadiness.


As certain as i can be. She had phenominal intuition, the ability to read and analize people also that depth.


Sorry I am absolutely brain dead, so I hope I make sense here.

Anyways, no, I don’t think so. It’s better not to be fatalistic with MBTI. I think an INTJ/INFJ relationship can work just as many other relationships can. Everyone will have their own unique tweakings, background influences, values, and circumstances - and hence, different preferences. Of course it may take more effort to make a relationship work between two more unlikely MBTI partners…but if it works in the end, why not?

But in any case…Personally, I think INTJ/INFJ is not the best romantic combo. INTJs don’t take the INFJ Fi id moments that well, because they just don’t get it. Or at least, they might “get it” from a detached, theoretical point of view, but this sort of thing doesn’t personally “click” with them. Most INTJs I know are actually turned off or at least puzzled (and not in a good way) by Fi id tantrums. They ignore them for some time, but if a limit is reached, they just distance themselves forever.

I think INTJs are also at a loss as to how to deal with INFJ Fi-id tantrums due to Fe-superego. Meanwhile, INFJs feel annoyed because they don’t feel truly understood on a “deep, emotional level.” An INTJ won’t give in to the INFJ’s dark desires, and in the most frustrating way possible by not offering an alternative or a distraction. I think Blake said the dynamic is like oil and water. How aptly described! Maybe this is Ti-id and Fi-id interplay right there. It’s like some kind of emotional impasse.

But this is all just from my own perspective. I know other INFJs here would prefer to be with an INTJ. Well, I wouldn’t, based on my personal experiences with friends and a person I was once interested in. All of them had one thing in common: they don’t like Fi id. It’s too much for them or just plain silly. But I do agree with the INTJ-fanciers here that INTJs would give me stability due to their Te muscle, as well as companionship in a relationship. In the end, I think INTJs are meant to be more like friends for me, but maybe someday a new INTJ might pop-up in my life and change my mind…

Hehe. But I think not. :grinning:


Oh yeah.

And I’m not saying INTJs won’t ever romantically like INFJs. I think they could. Like you, if you are indeed actually INTJ (not a jab here, just a reasonable doubt as it’s hard to tell by a few posts), an INTJ may great lust or desire to feel and know the human experience, and the INFJ may embody what they crave.

But clearly the drama and all the playing, all this weird Scorpio id shit registers as strange to you. Or I dunno, maybe she really isn’t INFJ, but still. All this intense, unnecessary drama clearly isn’t cool for you. Yeah, don’t give in to her games. Ain’t nobody got time for 'dat. :stuck_out_tongue:

What’s a good replacement for feeling the human experience, the realms of feelings and shit…without all the draining and burning intensity, that toxic pool of emotions? Haha, hello, ENFP.


I wonder why it registers so differently for Entp. I would say that I like Fi in id very much. And I don’t love it in Dom/aux, and it worries me in Inferior. And It’s slightly worrying to me in tertiary. But in id, I feel like when I see it I know exactly what to do. Without thinking I can Just handle it. I think it has something to do with the IS ness of the id. So Fi id looks to me like a reality for a person who has it that is separate from any values judgement. In this way it’s almost like amoral Fi.

Unlike Fi dom or inferior, which is like Fi that assumes many moral things, or aux Fi, which is like fi that doesn’t exist and then sometimes does and gets the job done and I can accept its moral bent there as a tool; or tertiary Fi, which is poorly oriented so at least I don’t have to see it assuming it’s own Value but it makes me subtly nervous.

Fi id Just is, without value judgement. So it’s easy or beautiful to witness because I know and infj knows and I know infj knows it’s an exercise or
A demonstration

An exercise of some amorality, playing through her body and mind as Fi, not actual moral judgement/decision making. An exercise that is part of like, some beautiful game. It’s alllll a game but it’s not played by the infj, the infj is one of the pieces being played by something else. Hmm.


You guys made a lot of sense. I can agree about not being able to handle the Fi id pretty well. Well tryed anyways. Whenever she was distant i didnt feel sad instead i stayed with her. In her dark moments i was there for her, although i was unable to relate i always told her that im here for her. And she can talk to me about anything. And i listned without trying to logically solve it. And that is why we had an intense passion for each other.

On the other hand i didnt quite know how to handle it when she started playing mental games. Like trying to see if im jealous. After a while i felt like i was the only one invested. I couldnt handle her emotional distance.

In a twisted way, it was like she was the INTJ and i was the INFJ.


Wonder what your moon is. I always blame my difficulty with Fi scorpio on my Pisces moon (always looking for smthg to blame:D)


Im not into astrology yet, but i know that i have Taurus sun and Gemini moon.


i don’t know what gemini moon would tell you:)


Deleted so I can rewrite lol


Since you haven’t reposted yet I’ll just say I enjoyed the thoughts a lot and hope you’ll repost. They came to my email so I have fhem FOR EVVVV ERRRR


To me, when I am in the throes of an Fi ID moment, it feels like I am being played by intuition. I don’t really have conscious control over the moment, but there is an inutuitive part of my brain—separate from the outpouring of emotion—that I can consciously recognize as directing it.