So when it comes to Fe and “stealing” identities, this is natural INFJ empathy. It’s the concept of “acting in another person’s shoes” to understand their perspective and feelings. And sometimes it gets to a point of understanding it so much you feel you lose your self in it all.
This is nothing to feel bad about because I used to feel this way too. I still do sometimes, under pressure. But let me give you clear instructions on how to get over this hump.
Stop letting Fe get carried away. Empathize just enough to realize the needs of a person or given situation.
Work fast. Move from empathy to execution in one swift motion. Example: “This person is sad. Cheer up said person with surprise ice cream. This table leg is not even. Stick something under table leg to balance. My room is messy. Clean room.”
These are clear instructions on how to not get sucked in to being another person’s identity. Nobody needs you to be someone else to the point where you feel everything they feel or to the point where you can’t cope on your own, so you’re going to try to be someone else. This will only lead to failure.
Right now, this is what your process or problem looks like: Use Fe => use Fe some more => use Fe to the point where I get ridiculously sucked in to the feelings and needs around me => get so sucked in by the feelings and needs around me that I forget my own personal feeliings and needs and preferences and likes and dislikes and etc. => who am I? => posts on stellar maze forum asking who am i
This is what a healthy INFJ should look like: Use Fe => Let it tell you what situation needs => Quickly fulfill the needs of the situation => Job is done
NEVER use Fe to the point where all you’re doing is just sitting there and empathizing and trying to understand every detail of every part of every single situation you run into. This is just Ti telling you there’s not enough information or Se helping you get lost in the moment.
As for finding your own identity, on a basic level just ask yourself simple questions as if you were on a date with yourself. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you find fun? What is your favorite food?
On a more meaningful level, you should ask yourself: Who am I connected to in this world? Are these connections worth keeping? What is my role in all of this? If my role is to tend to the needs of this person or
family or organization or job or whatever, how fulfilling is it to me? Are my efforts worth it? Or are they always thrown back and my face and I should move on to where I am appreciated?
So as I explained, there is the individual self who likes and dislikes different things and there is the self that exists to other people. The more you experience and try different things and situations, the more you will come to understand more of who you are.
Let me know if you have any other questions. I am happy to help.