Can INFJ Men Be Charismatic Badboys?


In some ways, Camus could have passed for an ENFJ, enneatype3. I mean, he was also known for his striking good looks and his many mistresses… and charm.

So… if I take into account the fact that INFJ women represent the femme fatale, the question that naturally pops into my head is; where would you classify INFJ males on the charismatic bad boy - scale?

INFJs w/High Ti...Examples?

INFJ men can have all those things up the yin-yang. Are you suggesting that INFJ men are not capable of being strikingly good-looking, having many mistresses, and possessing charm?

Are you telling me the natural poet among the 16 types is not capable of charming women up the yin-yang?

In some ways, INFJ may be the most masterful of all seducers. This doesn’t necessarily involve being strikingly good-looking (but, it certainly can), but, the INFJ method usually involves making a women feel like she is the only women that has ever existed.

Or…[quote=“E_M, post:27, topic:306”]
So… if I take into account the fact that INFJ women represent the femme fatale, the question that naturally pops into my head is; where would you classify INFJ males on the charismatic bad boy - scale?

Charismatic bad boys? INFJ males?

Well, since I would classify ENFJ males as the top-ranking charismatic bad boys, especially the enneatype 8 ENFJs, who are the charismatic bad boy par excellence, I’d say the INFJ male ranks not too far behind, however, their form of charisma is usually not so much overtly bad-boyish as it is a wolf in sheep’s clothes.

An INFJ male will often present as very understanding and nice. Deferential. Very tuned into women’s psychology (genuinely). Smart, articulate, funny etc.

But, underneath all that is hungry and ravenous wolf that will move in for the kill.

However, they may have moral issues about this stemming from their Fi id.

So, it depends to what degree they are susceptible to it. The Fi id can definitely sink them and put them on the wrong side of the equation when it comes to being lady killers. This is where all that martyrdom and self-sacrifice on behalf of a woman comes from.

They want to save a woman.

So, if they can overcome that psychology, they can have quite a devastating effect on women, and maybe the most devastating effect of any type of male because the INFJ form of love has legs.

It comes on very slow and subtle such that the woman is not likely to know what is happening. The INFJ male seems so innocent and innocuous…which is part of why they are so devastating. The woman lets him in. Because he seems relatively safe and understanding and so on.

In a nutshell, the longer a time the INFJ man has to act, the more potently seductive he is. I’d say an INFJ male is the most seductive of all types given time.

And indeed, INFJ men are some of the most beloved of all men by wide numbers of people throughout history.

But, the trick is they have to get deep in there first in order for this love to take effect.

Which is why their opposite type, the ESTP male, tends to be the consummate pickup artist (love em and leave em) and an INFJ male tends to be the type that once you fall in love with them, it is very hard to get over them.

I suppose the saving grace here is that the INFJ male often has no intention of using a woman, but is himself equally susceptible to the charms of women. Which is why they make such great poets. They are genuinely moved by whatever love they experience. It isn’t fake or a ploy.

However, there are a few INFJs who learn how to really game women, and, man, they are the best at it.

They can make a women love them like a child. Which makes ESTPs look like amateurs by comparison.

So, it really depends what you mean when you’re talking about charisma.

I’d say the INFJ male charisma has a slow onset but is long-lasting. Whereas, the ENFJ male by comparison has a faster onset, but is less longer lasting.

And the ESTP male has a very fast onset, but, it doesn’t last long at all. Not in any deep sense.

This can work to the INFJ man’s advantage because the woman he is seducing is not likely to feel any threat from him. She won’t see it coming. Whereas, with an ESTP male, a woman might see his obvious pickup-y type tactics.

Hell, the INFJ male himself is not likely to know it is happening either because he is genuinely not trying to seduce anyone. And he doesn’t typically look like the type of guy that would seduce. A lot of INFJ men are more susceptible to seduction than being the seducer themselves.

But, that is part of the reason they can be good at seduction. They have been in the role of the seductee. And they have a ton of female psychology themselves. So, if they decide somehow to turn that around and use it on women, they are the most effective seducers in the book.

INFJ males understand women psychology better than a man of any other type. They might not know that they know this (more likely if they are young), but, once they catch on to it, fuggedaboutit. They know exactly what a woman wants to hear, feel, think, see etc. They know how to move her.

The thing is, most (or at least, many) INFJs will not use this information to take advantage of a woman. For example, they won’t use that female psychology information they have to get a woman into bed for a night of sex and then never talk to her again.

Well, it’s because most INFJ men are pretty nice and sensitive themselves. They have empathy and a deeply ingrained moral program. It would probaly hurt them more than it would hurt the woman they were trying to gain a conquest on. INFJs are just not wired like that.

However, yes, they can still be quite the ladies man. Which is probaly saying something different than them being bad boys. They can be bad boys but not in an overt way and generally not as a wide-scale public image. Generally, if you get to know an INFJ male deeply you will see their bad boy side emerge slowly over time. What they tend to present at the outset is quite the opposite - a nice, intelligent, understanding, humorous, comforting type of dude. Basically, a woman’s dream come true. The type of guy that a woman would want to marry.

Which is exactly what she shouldn’t do. Because INFJs are only like that at the outset. Which is kind of ironic and fucked up. That’s not what she’ll be getting as time goes on with her perfect mate.

Little does she know…hell awaits.

ENFJ males have it better because what you see is what you get - a bad boy. More or less.

And ESTP men actually do make great marriage material in many cases. They start out as obvious players and pick up artists and turn into faithful and abiding husbands. Well, they may have little flings here and there, but, nothing that essentially threatens the marriage. They want to be married. That’s the end goal of all their playing. They want to play the field, try this and that woman on, and so forth. And then they find the one they want to be with long-term and marry her.

INFJ men want to destroy your soul.

Just kidding. It ain’t completely like that. An INFJ man could save your soul too. They might do both at the same time. It gets so hard to tell.

But, yeah, if you ever had some soul merger with an INFJ male, consider yourself marked for life. Once they get in to you, they are the hardest of all types to get out.

They lay eggs on your soul.

How you like those apples?


holy shit that reply is so elaborated and off-topic that it stands on its own without the original thread


did quick check from campus.
this post just floored me
so depressing.

seems like some male infjs they “slip” into roles too. not fake. but like they could turn someone into an angel for god knows what reason. i don’t agree that the other person can’t see it (although i agree about date 1 teehee). it’s just the other person can also “slip” into a role. and since there is genuine sweetness, who says no to sweetness, but being put on a inviolable status is always a very strange thing. love filling but also devitalizing. but like you’re being overestimated and underestimated but also hit perfectly. yeah can turn into violation. i wrote some f about this in morning page. it’s almost like “violate me at first. not as a slow turning twist.” some of us are so bad for them, dynamics all messed. anyhow yeah they are loved. lots of good reasons why


Makes so much sense having this put into context. I always tell my wife I’m not capable of cheating on her cause I tend to cock block myself through my alter ego Charles. Charles existed before my knowledge of “Fi Id”. Charles is a bit of a douche…A misguided feminist if you will. I will now refer to him as my id to maintain a somewhat perceived sense of sanity. :wink:


Holy shit this is so funny cuz my one infj friend has a name for his alter ego too.

and does the same thing.

he talks to other girls (as a friend) while in relationship but when it comes to crossing the line he beats himself up for even thinking about it.


this is very true.
but you know what’s so weird?
I see so many girls say to my infj friends "I’d love to have boyfriend like you"
but then they put him in the friend zone.
why is that? what’s with the irony?

ESTP - heroine
ENFJ - alcohol
INFJ - nicotine


Really? Yuck. I’m afraid I’d have to friend zone a smoker too, sorry guys. The exceptions might be pure and self rolled, or 420.


well I was referring to addiction level
nicotine is subtle and hard to get off


I am confused.


I was trying to compare what Blake said about each one.

does it make sense? I think it fits


Oh. Doh.


They can. They just need to take a leaf from the ESTP’s book and start thinking about what benefits they can gain from others in relationships, both romantic and otherwise.


@Blake I realize this topic is for the mans, but when you say INFJ men know female psychology, does that mean the opposite applies for women? Are INFJs mentally androgynous, generally?

I guess I’m asking because sometimes, I feel like a man, though I’m not one.


No, INFJ is more female in psychology than male.

Yes, mentally, yes. But, not in embodiment. INFJ tends to be bent towards the female side.

That doesn’t mean that a female INFJ cannot understand male psychology very well because INFJ in general tends to excel in understanding of human nature. And types.

If we were just looking at the dominant function (Ni), then, INFJ is self-mating on that basis. Neither male nor female really. Or rather, fulfilled sexually within oneself. Which is why Ni is probaly the basis for narcissism.

The id function of Fi however is very female, the most female of all functions. And it is this id function that is most responsible for the INFJ male’s deep understanding and inundation in female psychology.

For a woman, it would be more thoroughly embodied. So, an INFJ female is pretty feminine.

At least as a starting point and foundation, which is thoroughly engrained down to the physiological level.

Got any major Libra placements? I find Libra tends to create men with female psychology and women with male psychology. It’s the sign of gender ambiguity and the male/female gender roles in general. Especially, Libra rising, I’ve noticed.


I am unfortunately a Scorpio. Actually, yes, that all makes sense about INFJ being a feminine type. My question was perhaps colored by cultural stereotypes rather than more abstract definitions of femininity. What I meant is I don’t often feel girly, due perhaps to inferior Se. But I am absolutely driven by feelings and do see myself as more romantic and nurturing, all things associated with being female.

But that is so interesting. INFJ women…I can only talk about ones I’ve observed as I have no idea how I come off in person. I think the actress Keri Russell is quintessentially an INFJ and have seen internet commenters call her the embodiment of femininity. Watching her, I can’t help but agree. Her demeanor and tone of voice, even her shyness and reluctance to say too much – though you can tell there’s a ton going on internally in some interviews – combine to make her seem quite feminine. Very little to do with outer trappings.

So, ultimately, an issue of semantics, I suppose. I can relate to having a feminine soul, but not to what society deems womanly so much.


Shoulda just played.


I’ll do some personal admission: I have fantasies of wanting to be a woman’s “hero” if that makes any sense. In our society today, I do get fears of this being “sexist” so I shy away from sharing too much of my inner feelings about females. But I have a very soft-spot for them. But my few relationships didn’t turn out so well. My girlfriends were more of the “crazy/messed-up” type - but I will admit, have had a lot of fun. It brings out my repressed Se a lot. I guess I’m very attracted to “crazy”. I admire the girls who would dare me to do stuff I wouldn’t normally do. Like a few years back, at age 26, I bought a motorcycle from a co-worker, and would take my GF on rides out in the Arizona desert and shoot rattlesnakes with a pistol. t was fun, but tiring. And of course - lots of alcohol here and there in the mix. Not the healthiest relationships, I must admit.


I know exactly what you mean.

  1. Liking crazy women.
  2. Wanting to save them.
  3. Wanting to be crazy with them.
  4. Getting tired of the drama
  5. Fear of society calling you sexist because you have a desire to be a real man with a real women.
  6. And like I said, real women are crazy.
  7. And so are real men, I guess
  8. But, I refer to Camille Paglia (Sexual Personae) for the most accurate description of woman’s true nature (at least, kind of women that I like)
  9. And maybe this song :flushed:


And this song (Livin’ Thing) makes me horny. Does something to me. Currently, one of my favorite songs.

By the way, ELO is one of the most unjustly underrrated and forgotten bands of the 70s. Fuck that.