Well, as of yesterday our second family saga with CPS begins. Last time should have destroyed us, but accidentally didn’t.
CPS is a USA agency that I don’t quite understand. Does anyone here know why and how it has gotten so powerful?
My pregnant wife left our autistic son in our van after he did what he always does, which is kick and hit and scream and fight not to leave the van, while jumping into the back where he’s inaccessible for her. Wife also has MS and is off all medicine being pregnant.
Oh by the way, anyone who has followed my rants about parenting, did I mention we are pregnant? lol. 19 weeks along or something.
Pregnant wife had just come from a $300 doctors appt for autistic son with a naturopath or something. First time we’ve had him see someone like that. Previous to that she’d picked him up from the 5 hour autism program we just got him into, which is an hours drive away in the morning when I take him and half hour in the afternoon when I bring him home. I took him in but came back home to help with daughter, who was tired and kind of sick after we got home at 2 am from a vacation for five days for their 5th birthday (to LegoLand).
OKAY. So anyway, she left him in the van while getting the daughter from preschool. As an alternative to not getting the daughter from preschool, as there is not a way to get that kid out of the van if he doesn’t want to come, at least not without a ton of physical violence being done. He hit me probably 100 times today, kicked me in the balls twice, which makes me think he’s starting to do that on purpose, and then fell asleep in my arms after I locked the two of us in the bathroom so he wouldn’t beat up his sister.
Midway through trying to get twin daughter out of normal kid class, autistic twin comes screaming up the sidewalk from the handicap stall parked minivan he has decided to vacate, screaming Don’t Lock Me In, as usual. He’s usually screaming “I’m not hitting you!” or “She Hit Him!” or “Don’t Lock Me In!” or “We don’t Say That Fucking Word.” or he’s asking in a sweet voice, 100 times, “Are we gonna go to wallgreens?” until you say, “no buddy.” at which point he unbuckles his carseat, swarms the drivers seat, and starts hitting me on the head. That’s a four times a day routine. Usually on a bridge or whatever. If there is traffic I just put my hazards on, get out, put him back in, keep going till he does it again.
Preschool who has historically been the best we’ve had, literally the reason we live where we live, tells my wife they have to report negligence and child abuse because it’s illegal to leave your kid in the car.
I would like to note that it’s incredibly possible for a kid to die in a car, and that statistically, just to make a point here, your best bet for not killing your kid in a car is to leave them in it without you getting in and driving it. Since that kills kids relatively commonly. Driving Cars. All the fucking time. And in the future police state, I really hope we can all get behind investigating parents when they put their children in these deathmobiles. Of course anyone should be able to drive with a kid in a car as long as they are pursuing a reasonable course of action, which any good parent will surely be more than happy to voluntarily report each time they want to go somewhere, right?
Last time CPS happened to us, FIRST, they accused me of sexual improprieties with the children, on the basis of something I’d written, which my wife had been freaked out by and talked about with a counsellor, who believed it represented a Mandatory Reporting scenario. I dont write about anything except business as a result. I’ll write fiction and nonfiction after my kids are 18, christ. I used to write a lot about the way pornography is fucking up sexuality, and it was important shit, but you know, the Police State is probably the pusher of the entire Whore/Virgin dichotomy that the pornographer and the Priest trade in anyway.
I didn’t know what the fuck was happening, only that after reading stuff my wife started getting all paranoid, like what I now think is a fi-ni loop as probably an isfp. Oh man did she suffer in the long run from this, and not by any reprisal by me, just as a result of the solutions the state has for her. First, they threatened my wife with losing the kids if she didn’t file a restraining order, and played a game of prisoners dilemma with her in which she was lead to believe I had described her as unfit when they talked to me. Not true, I didn’t talk to them, not understanding the power they had, and being kind of like, willing to die on the hill of “Fuck Your Censorship, policestate.” My wife’s fi-ni loop went fucking haywire when I refused to take this shit seriously, and the paranoia lasted about 18 months, the first 7 of whcih I didn’t see, speak to, or communicate in any way with my then 2-year-old kids or her, on account of this restraining order. I come from an upper middle class world where I literally don’t know a fucking soul that took out a restraining order. I was like, literally flabergasted. And she put shit in the restraining order that wasn’t true, like that I “Fled the state” in response to CPS, when in fact I went to work for 4 weeks out of state, which she and I agreed to do because of this devolving crazy state we were in with her thinking everything the kids did was signs they had been molested, and me being like, laughing and making terrible and vinidictive and “I can out frighten you with my imagination sweetie” Ne jokes about the stuff she was saying. Particularly the fact that she’d always been so highly critical of my mormon family for being paranoid about pornography, and here she was just going fucking ape shit because she believed our (now diagnosed autistic) son was acting really fucking weird, kissing people, rubbing his penis on people, sucking on things.
It’s incredibly important to me that people know that there are some folks who do not believe that an accusation is the same as evidence. I am one of those people. I don’t believe an accusation is ANYTHING. I think that in the same way that power needs to be questioned BECAUSE it is power and is therefore a LIKELY spot for festering shit, that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, period. In practice, in reality, human minds do the exact opposite. Donald Trump pissing on strippers? Oh, haha, for sure. Totally. Toats. Say no more.
Something I love about the company I used to work for: A dude in the warehouse had his door knocked down by the FBI and was hauled off for child pornography. Half the mormon executive team, in discussing the incident, was like, “That Creep, hope he rots,” and all the usual piling on that occurs when people make extraordinary claims against others and the dumb fucking average human brain says “say no more, cuz that’s so crazy it couldn’t be untrue.” But the introverted (mormon) CEO wasn’t really swayed, was sort of neutral on what to do with this employee, charged and not convicted of a crime. And the person retelling this story in private to me was in the room too. He told me this story after I told him what was going on with CPS with me. He was basically my boss at the time. He said, “I didn’t have that same instinct for whatever reason and spoke up: ‘Are we seriously ready to toss this guy to the wolves, someone none of us know, on the basis of an accusation that none of us have any evidence for whatsoever?’” and this one comment turned the entire thing around. The CEO immediately agreed. Said he didn’t feel it was right to take action without more evidence, and that the company should withhold any action pending later trial, and provide whatever support was reasonable for any employee in a legal situation who hasn’t been accused of any work-place crimes, etc. And in the end the FBI dropped the entire case. The guy was making like $16 an hour, so I don’t know the particulars of why it was dropped, but I suspect it was not because he hired the Dream Team. The man was reported as saying the FBI had ended up acknowledging too little evidence, that they didn’t actually know for sure that this was traffic he had been involved in – like that it wasnt anything remotely close to prosecutable. Really a huge fucking mistake, the sort that Police States make, the same as stupid brains make when extraordinary claims are made, that stupid fucking habit of requiring less evidence when we should require MORE. The guy told the CEO that keeping his job was the only reason he had any mental reserves to fight it, that the lack of immediate judgement by the company was the precise thing he credited with saving his life, basically.
Anyway. CPS round two. They are chasing down my kids and trying to interview my autistic son. I’m so fucking exhausted by this shit. Parenting sucks so bad. So much advice from folks in the store when my kid freaks out. So many people who know the answers. So many who think I’m a pussy and need to be more hard on him. They must not know CPS like I do.
After my wife filed for the restrining order, she tried to have it removed and CPS swarmed. They said the only way she could remove it was if she filed for divorce. She did that. That was then the first time we talked (I’m not going to fuck with a restraining order, and until we communicated, I didn’t know that she had been pressured multiple times by CPS, first to file, then to bulk up the claims because the court hadn’t found the restraining order merited restraining – CPS told her to make sure it happened so they could certify her competence as a mom , so she added stuff about me fleeing the state, etc – after she filed for divorce, she called CPS to try to get documents she felt entitled to having from the case. the man who had overseen her case asked her to come in, said he could only deliver them in person. This guy manipulated the fuck out of me and struck me as deeply flawed in some particular ways when I spoke to him. He didn’t give her the stuff she asked for. He didn’t seem to have a good reason for her to have come in. Said he couldn’t give the papers to her. Said that he would get them together for her in the next couple of days, and “why don’t we grab a coffee and I’ll bring them.” She said she pretended to not know this allegedly married guy was asking her on a date after forcing her to file for divorce and a restraining order, left without letting on that she knew what was up, left, threw up in the parking lot – she told me about that like a full 8 months after we started talking again, after the divorce filing. That guy got promoted; he’s like in management in our county CPS now. Awesome. Fucking Police State.