Decisions, decisions,,,how do I improve my Ni?


#1

so, i usually don’t ask for advice on this forum, because i think i got my life figured out.

but, i’m in my Ni grip right now.

i did some self-evaluation and i feel like i live too much here and now.

which is not so bad because i get things done and usually feel productive.

but when i think about the future. it all seems unclear to me.

like, i sit down, with my calculator, and think about all the possibilities.

and because i rarely do this. it’s hard for me to picture anything beyond, 6 months.

the thing is, whenever i PLAN something. it usually never work out the way i want to.
because new circumstances ALWAYS come up. and i have to change my plan accordingly.
and sometimes i have to completely dispose my plan.

and Ni doesn’t feel good to me. it stresses me out.
‘what if this happens? what if that happens?’ so many what ifs.
and they’re all usually negative.

and seriously, who knows WHAT could happen?

right now, we’re getting ready to move to a new apartment, bigger and cleaner.

and i never considered living at home. because i don’t want to be stuck in one place for 20+ years.

but i’ve recently spoken to INFJ, and she told me that getting a house saves you more money.

so i did the calculation, and if i live in the same apartment for 20 years, i’ll be paying more than the cost of a house that is twice as bigger than my new apartment… what the fug…

apartment is comfortable because maintenance fix and replace everything for free.
but in the house it’ll cost a lot to fix little things.
so if i calculate the estimated cost of fix and accumulate to 20 years, it’ll be a LOT.
and i know what people get done in their houses including yard work, roof, and all that other crap.
which amounts to loads of money being ‘wasted’ over the years.

so i began to wonder all these because of this quote from one site

Can be overconfident of their own cunning or ability, ignoring problems which eventually catch up with them on their blind side.
May be unwilling or unable to plan anything in advance themselves, or to follow other’s careful plans.

i feel like i should’ve never entered into this Ni dimension.
like after 3 years, what if i want to move somewhere else?
then should i turn my house into Air BnB and hire people to clean and fix stuff up and make money from it?
but nobody travels here …
should i rent it out? but i won’t be seeing actual money until decades later.
should i flip it? but it’ll take long time for it to sell and that money is going to be rotting in place.

damn. no wonder Ni dom takes long time to take action.
i don’t even know what the hell to do just thinking about bunch of possibilites.

and seriously trying to map out this plan, it doesn’t always work out.
and the more specific it gets, the more headache i’m having.

maybe i shouldn’t tie Ni with material things.

Ni feels better for me when i have a goal in mind that is more spiritual or mental.
like ‘i want to be a great husband forever.’ or something like that.

so. i guess i figured it out. just keep living here and now. and figure shit out as they come.

and don’t use Ni for materialistic things. just use it for spiritual goals.

yeah. there you go. i’m better now.

i got out of my own girp.

but if you have anything to add. any advice. let me know. but i think i kinda figured it out as i was typing.


#2

would you say you used magic Ti logic aux to get out of your grip? hahaha

yeah, i think what you wrote makes the most sense for you. if you stay too long in Ni and try to keep thinking about “what if future!!!” your regular life may fall apart. i think the same thing if you fall into another cult or religion that doesn’t suit you (which are Ni things lol). keep it light and stay ready to take action.

i think your Ni works best as like a “lightning burst” like Blake’s article said about the inferior. maybe you will get a huge inspirational burst and then you work toward it and just let it leave when it’s over. it’s like having an adventure each time probably.

most Ni dom people just use Ni to keep sticking to one plan or vision, making small moves towards it. though I think INTj are more explicitly steady step-by-step towards the goal because of Te aux, INFJ also generally plod along all over the place (because Fe can be messy) until they reach their goal. if it doesn’t work for you, then don’t do it haha.

And renting isn’t always worse than buying! It depends on the downpayment too. Sometimes the cost opportunity of using up a downpayment for a house could be better invested elsewhere. My little sister and her husband right now are sticking to renting because buying is too crazy still in Toronto’s hot market. However, had you bought during the crash, you could have sold for sooooooo much money by now (like 200k home in 2008 probably worth 600k now–sometimes 1 million! And they sell within a month–sometimes same day it’s put on market). That is worth all the maintenance and reno money haha!

I think ISFP love having a house more because they get to “own” it (si-id stuff) and change it to their tastes (Se aux stuff), but it is a huge bank account and time drain from the ISFP girl I know. lol So probably just renting around is better for byou guys unless you are okay with long-term planning and having a mountain of house renovation debt to slowly pay off.


#3

yes! hahaha with the quickness of Se.

yeah this is how Ni works the best for me.
it’s more of short-term goal than a long-term goal.
and if it’s ever long-term, it’s better to have that idea as vague than super detailed.

yeah true. i believed in renting until INFJ girl argued with me on how i can save more with buying a house.
but now i’m back to believing that renting is best for me. idk. maybe if i change my mind in the future, then we’ll see. but i’m not gonna overthink it. it’s a headache.

yeah but i try to NEVER think this way.
because remisniscing on missed opportunity is one of dangerous way to start gambling. such as stocks.
like i hear so many people say "i should’ve kept my bitcoin!!"
there is psychology to stock market.
nobody really knows when the best time is to sell their stock.

yeah but gladly my wife is happy the fact that we’re moving to a bigger apartment and get to decorate however she wants. her and i are pretty convinced that buying a house is pain in the ass.

i’d rather have no debt than to build a castle with piles of debt.

i pride in having no debt and i will not allow myself to ever get into debt.
i don’t believe in borrowing money to start a business either.
so i would never want to borrow money from bank to get a house.

like having debt literally makes people slave to money. fuck that.

money is my slave. never the other way around.

and even if i had the money to buy the house right away, i wouldn’t want to spend so much on a resident not knowing what the hell is going to happen. it’s an uneasy feeling. and i don’t want to be tied down and get all materialistic either.

there’s much happiness is simplicity


#4

Think about when Ni comes to feel really good and tell me about it. I know what you mean about the negative and stress, but when I finally prepare and go hiking, or rafting or something a little out of my comfort zone, it feels glorious! I feel so good and proud for doing and living it, and having done it.


#5

I don’t have any helpful suggestions other than to tell you that you shouldn’t look for blanket ways to improve Ni. For me (INFJ) when learning to improve my Se to not get caught in overindulging, it had to be done in a way that was conducive to balancing out Ni. This means living in the present in an “Ni” oriented way. That translated into learning to take breaks to meditate and the meditation was something along the lines of focusing on the fingers of my hand or toe breathing which helped enormously. Also hiking or walking does this for me as does camping. So all of that to say that you would need to learn to take breaks to use Ni periodically, but use it in a way that is oriented for an “Se” person–and that is where my advice stops :).

On buying a house, that is tricky since you also have to factor in all of the repairs and any upgrades you want to do as well as the significant amount of personal time the maintenance can take up. I have the same feeling as you about buying a house (not wanting to be tied down or locked into a place). I bought a house a while ago for two reasons: 1. My kids (I won’t go into detail as to why owning a home in a great neighborhood is better when you have kids) 2. I live in a city where I can break even if I want to sell in 3 years and make a profit in 5; I bought a home at the bottom end of my neighborhood ensuring I am not locked in for long;and the rent vs. own cost in my city makes it ridiculous to rent for long if you are willing to spend the time taking care of the house.
Without those two reasons, I probably would never own a home (I’ve owned 4 at various times in my life).


#6

Also, as a side note, that is what is so strange about your survey to judge how adept INXX are at using Se. Most of your questions are Se dominant type of questions. Essentially you are asking us how well we could function as an Se dominant, not how well we use our Se given that we are an Ni dominant type.


#7

hahaha yes it’s true
and of course that’s all I can see from my perspective.
even Se aux is slightly foreign to me.
it’s as if INFJ and ENFJ uses Ni differently.

i think being Se and using Se is close but far from each other.

edit: on a side note. you owned four homes and have kids? I saw your picture before and you looked very young. I thought maybe late 20s or early 30s.
either you had kids early and started working very young and explored many different places. or you take care of yourself very well.


#8

yep, I think get the apartment and wait for the universe to tell you what to do as far as a house. Maybe do some research and look at real estate listings, but definitely not something to rush into.


#9

i think if i ever decide to have children, then i’ll consider.
but until that, i have no interest in a house.
hate yard work, hate maintenance.


#10

As someone who just finished painting a shitload of trim a slightly darker shade of green, I endorse this plan.


#11

I have teenagers for scut yard work and an ISTP for maintenance. Gardening and landscaping I like, we are starting to look for a retirement house more in the country than we are now.


#12

MANY times.
Ni to me is like mini-prophecy. navigation. compass.

It’s more of a guide than a solution.
it gives me purpose.
for example, if i start asking questions such as, why am i here on earth? what is happiness? how do i achieve it? why do people want to be happy? should i embrace my sadness?
and i use Se and Ti to answer those questions.
living it, and getting information.

and it serves as a mini-prophecy.
like, "i’m gonna send my family on a vacation they’ve been dreaming of"
or, “i’m gonna get my dad hearing aid so he can communicate better”

and i have to settle on it. if i try to change it, or look for different possibilities, i get into the grip.

and it can’t take too long either. it should be achieved within 6 months.

usually happens in weeks to a month.

if Ni is like a dream.
Se makes the dreams comes true.
that’s how the axis works for me.


#13

i sometimes wonder if should get a house in the mountains because water and air is so clean there.
like tap water there is cleaner than super filtered water in the city.

and the houses there are dirt cheap.

a guy told me he got a house there for a 'vacation spot’
and he changed his address to there as his main residency and his insurance dropped super low.

so that’s something i might consider. buying a vacation spot. to enjoy the nature and relax.
sounds good to me.


#14

It does sound good. We might do something like that if find the right spot and not fully move until kids are grown.


#15

hahahahah that’s hilarious. so no house right?

i’m all about interior than exterior.

i have no interest in exterior. even cars.
i would hook stuff up in the car with the best gadgets out in the market.
but i have no problem with the car looking like a dead beat dad’s car.

i’m all about getting nice appliances and electronics.
but i’m not gonna go outside of my house and stare at my work and enjoy it. that sounds so boring.

i got this idea from Chinese hotel back in the 90’s.
the hotel looked like some building that was about to collapse any time soon.
it looked like some haunted hospital or something.

but as soon as i walked inside… omg. they had like GOLD everything.
beautiful marble floors and huge chandelier hanging
it was breathtaking.

ever since then i adopted that idea with most of my lifestyle… it’s very practical.

on the other hand there are people who have nice things to showoff but barely paying bills and eating properly.

you have more than ENFP?

oh… speaking of kids. that’s another thing you gotta deal with.

i have no interest in having kids at this moment. probably for about next ten years.


#16

Yes, his older brother XNTP, probably ENTP.


#17

No, I do have one! It happened to make sense to buy, where we moved and given our goals. But right after doing some tricky, necessary, and (don’t tell my wife!) invisible maintenance is not necessarily the high point of my enthusiasm for ownership.

In most places these days I can’t say it makes financial sense either.

I do like having space to play at being a gardener, though.


#18

Thanks! I’m in my late 30s. Had my first son at 24 and moved around a bit for a while.


#19

Never rent. Renting is a scam. You’re literally giving away money for free. In a lot of places paying off a mortgage is not much more expensive than renting the same property. I know heaps of people who save money by not renting.

Nobody should rent, unless they live a life which is very unsettled or their income is not stable. I.e. you should only rent by necessity.

I find there are heaps of people with the means to buy a house but don’t. They will use a whole host of reasons (from lifestyle to ‘I don’t trust banks’). But I find most of the reasons are psychological. They’re commitment phobes. Don’t wanna feel vulnerable to the debt-masters.

I get angry when I think about how much wasted money I’ve spent on rent. Enough to buy an apartment outright in my hometown.

I wish my Ni could have predicted that.


#20

It does depend on the things that are important to you. Renting from a good landlord enables you to have a nicer place for your dollar today in most markets. Buying takes a certain amount of downpayment. Mathematically there are real costs to locking up your cash and locking down your geography. Also benefits.

I love renting. I have bought and I have rented. I love renting.