Ideal life? Haha, doesn’t everyone want that?
I don’t really have a choice, the way I see it. Either live the life you want, or be dissatisfied with the one you have. Everything becomes a bit more amplified when you try to straddle the fence.
Well, the life I want is very simple, so I feel very confident about the steps I am taking towards it. I am really seeking to have a conventional life. Husband, kids, pet, wonderful home, enough money to go around. That’s really all I have wanted ever since I was a kid. I can be romantic, but I don’t really care to idealize this life to be ‘perfect’. To me, it’s as simple as wanting this life and being willing to tough out the good and bad that will come from it. If I am capable of doing that, then doubting I will get it seems like a waste of energy that could’ve been used in pursuing my goals (ah, always the hardass, this one).
I am currently going to college to pursue a degree in Psychology. I haven’t had to shovel out any money, so I am good on that front so far. The work isn’t too strenuous, so I have high hopes that I will be able to achieve and maintain a 4.0 GPA and make myself a more desirable candidate for scholarships (a bit of horseshit to me, but beggars can’t be choosers).
I am also looking for a job. Finding that I am skittish and heavily reserved is an annoyance. I also am crap at faking it till I make it when my emotions get involved (Lord have mercy, because I am somehow able to find problems where there are none and also have a fragile countanence. Basically, I am the least desirable employee an employer could want). It seems like making good grades and being kind get you nowhere in the working world. If only I was skittish and obedient, but no, I just had to also harbor a flame that can be difficult to quell when I am being brow beaten or disrespected (pretty much a common occurrence in my last two job). Luckily I can live off of financial aid thus far (well my parents aren’t trying to have me fend for myself, so it isn’t all death and gloom), but I really hope I can learn to perfect being an emotionless husk when the money runs out (but then customers are frightened of me, uuugh, does it ever end?).
As for the husband and kids thing, it’s not something I am taking too seriously at the moment. I am more so on the wavelength of loving me before someone else. College also takes up a fair amount of my time, so I am running at the train of thought that I am entirely too selfish and ambitious at the moment to even give off a “flirt-with-me” vibe. Also, I really just don’t feel like getting to know someone on a level where a relationship or crush can even appear. Basically, I have reverted back to the “boys-have-cooties” stage (but making friends before finding a boyfriend just seems to be what I should do as well).
So yeah, I am pretty much playing a waiting game when it comes to the humble ambitions I have. My family bring a fair amount of drama into my life, so at least I am not entirely bored (though I could do without the stress). Well, things seem to have calmed down during the New Year, so maybe a new family dynamic may be arising (fuuuck yes, my only literal wish since middle school). Haha, so as of now, school is the only thing I am throwing my weight around with. I made Dean’s List last semester, so I am trying to keep that hype train going.
Dreams can become reality, ya know. If you believe in them and work to make them happen, then I believe it will come about. Like, even though I have a clear image of what I want in the future, I have learned that keeping my feet on the ground and celebrating the smalls wins reeeallly goes a long way when you are practically trying to manifest something out of thin air (story of my liife). I said in my bio that you can make your dreams a reality, or work to make someone else’s dream a reality. Everyone can probably find a way to use you in a good or bad way, but if you know how to use whatever gifts or quirks you have for yourself, then marching towards what you want will become a piece of pie (or at least it starts to feel that way, which is a small win in and of itself ).
But lol, I kinda just went on a tangent. Back to your post!
Hell yeah dreams exist! Haha. Ah, yes. I have a dream (nah, I got dreamz).
Yep, I am marching towards my goals. I am taking no prisoners! Off with their heads! My way or the highway !
No, I am not fulfilled in my life. Hm, at least there is room for improvement nods philosophically.
What is my life purpose? To do as I please. (Lol, luckily I was born an INFP! I have a moral compass, so I try to have my wants align with what is right. But when it doesn’t, boy can I surprise some people! ).
Okay, hope I answered everythang. Lol, also I was a bit intense. Haha, I either go all the way with something or am completely apathetic to it. When it comes to my dreams, I happen to become pretty fired up (I kinda like challenges? Noo, I just want a simple life for my simple mind ).
Also, I am working on being a better me in all area as of my life (better person, sister, daughter, I want it all) (noo, it’s a challenge). This New Year feels like it’s gonna be a good one for some reason. As for making those things a reality, eh, it’s pretty much becoming less moody (okay, I am now scurrying off onto my optimism train, byyye!).