Yo, let me tell you a story.
I was making a delivery a couple nights ago to this apartment complex.
So, the app I was using had extra directions on how to deliver this food. And essentially, I had to walk down a staircase to get to this person’s house. Easy enough, right?
Wrong! Because here I was with an oversized bag of Chinese food, walking around this gorgeous apartment, not seeing this damned staircase next to this mystical garage 11.
So I maddenly look at garage 10 that is placed next to garage 3, and I’m like, “When does 3 ever come after 11? Fucking plebs!”
So I keep walking like, in this same general area, waiting for garage 3 to magically become garage 11. Spoiler: That never happened.
So I decide to look at this apartment more properly. Garages, okay. And ah! Doors that are next to the garage! Hm, well, on one hand, these doors probably lead to homes, and on the other hand, maybe a staircase is lying behind one of these doors!
That makes sense! There’s like, so many apartments I’ve been to that is one building, but when you walk in, they’ll be two staircases where you can walk up or down to these doors that are different apartments.
Right! Okay, so some of these doors are homes, and one door leads to a staircase that has other homes. Nice theory!
So I’m like, walking by all these doors, and they have mini windows above the doors. So, those doors are probably homes.
But there’s this one door that doesn’t have the staircase I keep seeing in these mini windows, so I’m like, “Bingo! This door will lead to the other apartments!”
So I shuffle up to this door, and there’s a button that has a lamented paper above it that says, “PRESS FOR THE HEARING IMPARIED.” And I’m like, how considerate is that! This apartment complex considers the hearing impaired.
So I’m like, I’m not hearing impaired so this doesn’t pertain to me.
I grab the door handle and open it. I walk in and… This place seems like a home.
But that breaks my theory! Maybe this is a common room?
So I’m walking in, and I’m like, having a very eerie feeling. Like, maybe I shouldn’t be here.
So I round a corner and, shit! This is a home!
There a guy in front of a computer monitor playing a game, so I just say, “Sorry!” and rush out. Because he had turned around to look at me and well, I have the good decency to bolt out of someone’s home.
And I like, immediately dart to the side of the building and see a shadowy figure with his dog. And I’m like, “Someone will give me instructions NOW!”
So this guy is super nice, and his dog is like super small. And I’m like, whoa! Getting instructions from a cute guy with a dog! This feels like winning!
So he instructs me to go to the side of the building I’ve yet to check, and I’m like, “Why didn’t I think of that? DUH.”
But also, I have to walk in front on the home I just ran out of… DAMNIT.
So I thank the guy and bolt once again. I somewhat linger in front of the hearing impaired boy’s home, because if he wants to like, run out and curse me out, I am very deserving of that.
But the door remains shut and I take the little amount of mercy I am given and run to the other side of the building!
And yes… There is the staricase. Very much NOT inside of the building, but outside.
And so I successfully make my delivery. After an indignant amount of accidental home invasion, a dog, a cute guy, and an obscene amount of bolting.