- Midnight page on anxiety, the pain of being alive
Today I wanted to talk about my special friend, Anx.
Anx has been there for me throughout my entire life, I couldn’t have done anything without her.
She was by my side for every thing I deemed important, making sure I was fully aware of how painful failure could be. Never lose track of the 1001 possibilities for this to go wrong. ‘Cause I got to be prepared, you know?
Oh, I hated the bitch. She would suddenly creep up on me, caressing my forehead, pulling my hair, hammering my brain, paralyzing my shoulders. Then she would reach for the heart and start throwing rocks at it, then stabbing it with ice.
Faster, come on, faster! Not good enough, not quick enough, tik tok… tik tok… the day is over and nothing is getting done!
Why won’t she leave me alone? I thought. I’m punching back with all my strength, never missing any encounter. This was supposed to get easier, but it’s not. Am I reaching farther? Am I feeding the monster by giving her space to grow?
And then one day it hit me.
This traitor was into my homeboy, Kontroll. She wanted to eat him alive and the more he tried to ignore her, the more tenacious she became.
You know what, I’m tired of fighting you. I give up. Stay here, do your thing. Whatever. I don’t have energy for this anymore. I’ll just ignore you both and continue with what I’m doing.
You should edit this, make it GOOD! It’s not good!
Now if you please, PLEASE have mercy, I need to get some sleep.