Fe Diplomacy 14,15


I feel a little odd categorizing this topic as a myers-briggs topic, because I know jack-shit about it, but ya know. Hopefully you guys can add to what I’m getting at.

Fe Diplomacy -

I’m really good at it. When I have my business cap on, there is literally no stopping my mind at thinking of angles and perceptions and future actions and reactions of others. My husband even comes to me about work shit - communications with people. It’s strange to me. It’s very unnatural to him. These are things that make complete sense if I were to type them out, but you’d be surprised at how many people do not think about what they say when they’re saying it. I am guilty of this too, but it’s only when my emotions are, yeah. Anyhow, because I’m good at it, sometimes I can be hypersensitive about taking action. Sometimes it’s hard to make people feel like sunshine and roses when the product they delivered is not up to par. Because that’s what I like to do, make people happy. Here’s the issue I just had and maybe some of you Fe users (especially Fe dominant users) can shed some light.

I am the editor of a newsletter that gets circulated in our department at work. Tiny. 27 people. No big deal at all. The only reason we have a newsletter in the first place is to generate feelings of friendship through lighthearted communication, because we all work remotely. Anyways, we are in the process of highlighting each team within the department and the people who make up the teams. I asked my team to each write an article about something we do. Anyways, someone gave me an article that was almost entirely sited from websites.

So, like, um. I’m editor so that means I can edit the fuck out of it right? Which in my opinion, included deleting at least half of it and starting over pretty much, like yeah. But, I wanted to make sure it was okay. See this is Fe to me. I know it’s okay. And actually, when she sent me the article in the first place she said, “feel free to edit!”. But Fe to me, is STILL asking if I can, because this is what I foresaw: Her reading the article that clearly did not look like hers…And then her feelings getting hurt - even though she knew she gave me permission. (But see, this is all in my head!! How do I know she would be hurt??)

So (jeezus), what triggered this topic in the first place was the fact that I spent 10 minutes staring at an email I eventually sent to her. Did it sound sarcastic? Too friendly and not up front enough? Eventually, I just had to say fuck it and click send.

Fe does not care about YOU, it cares about how it sounds to everyone. Perhaps it’s a bit controlling in this way too. It does not care about the individual, it cares about the final product. The final viewing for EVERYONE. One person means nothing to Fe when it comes to a product that needs to be presented. So, I get it when I hear people say Fe is fake. Sure, it’s fake in caring about the individual. But it’s for the best. If I didn’t take care of it this way, I feel like I would either sound like an asshole OR I would send the newsletter to my superior, who would then say, “WTF, ERIKA?! I don’t have time to go through this and edit this.” So cry to yo mommies and daddies about Fe, but at least it gets shit done - the right way.

Ya? Ya.

Anyone have similar experiences?


I go through this tooooo much. But since Fe is my auxiliary I’m able to see it as more of a tool and use it carefully… so I get why you prefer an opinion from dominant Fe users more. lol

But as someone who uses Fe as a tool maybe I could influence your perspective of Fe…

Extroverted feeling as caring about other people is one way of looking at it. But would that mean introverted feeling is only caring about yourself? Prob not, cause Lunar is one of the most genuinely considerate of all of us Mazers.

Another way to describe Fe could be…To calibrate all the pieces of the environments multiple subjective ways of being through ones own subjective formulation. So you the Fe user is one of those subjective veiw points. So Fe in this way includes you in its Calibration. But also, its about the outcome of the entire environments calibration…not just one of the subjects.

So Saying Fe doesn’t care about you is not fulfilling this calibration. And focusing on one subjective viewpoint is also not fulfilling this calibration. All of the peices in the environment have to be calibrated.

So what I’m saying is sometimes Fe has to be a dick so that it offsets uncalibratable viruses in the system… but in a nice way cause you still need all the pieces in the environment to be complete. Just focus on what the goal of the calibration is when you decide how to act in these types of situations. If it helps, I can totally see you being a dick… and I mean that in a nice way. Haha!


Ahhh…in college when I was doing something similar I did not give a rat’s ass about what other people thought…I’d explain big changes in written comments but I’d just tear through other people’s work with no problem in the name of higher quality :sweat:

So I guess I probably come off as a bitch half the time…which sucks for me to type but it’s probably true…sometimes I just have the urge to assert dominance and this is how I do it (it’s very entj of me haahaha which is why once upon a time I thought I was entj) :stuck_out_tongue:

So I’m the outlier then…


Yeah, I can be a BBD!! :banana:


@Ankh Try to exercise your Ni aux more for Fe dilemmas and situations like this?


I thought about it some more…I think my Fe comes in as mainly damage control…like my Ni/Se goes in there and screws everything up and it makes everyone hate me so I use Fe to smooth over some things…that is, if I notice that someone is very very distraught.

If not I can also delude myself and do nothing about it :sweat: So I think your use of Fe is a lot healthier than mine loool…


Explain it to me? :construction_worker:


Give me examples? And tell me exactly how you’re using your functions? :nerd::cookie:


So this happens a lot to me in workplace situations and related ones but not normally in the other aspects of my life…

So what happens is I try to show my dominance in the field…in college that meant being basically rewriting what other people wrote and then being really blunt about it…like in this lab too I had jockeyed with the fellow for power over each other since he was studying for a higher degree but I had seniority…like I would edit his posters and abstracts pretty harshly and then make a show of it…

But sometimes…I’ll then have moments on the middle when I realize I’m being a huge bitch and I should stop which is where my Fe comes in…it’s probably too little too late but :sweat: what can you do?? I’ll make more small talk and show that I care by remembering some small details…but then I get tired of it loool. Which is why my Fe sucks…

On the other hand with in casual situations I have slightly more of that Fe warmth but not really haahaha…only friends get to see the function in all its glory :innocent:


I dunno, but the general recommendation for all types across the board seems to be to lean more on the auxillary function which usually tends to be neglected. For your case since you are ENFJ then it’s Ni, although I have absolutely no idea how one goes about using Ni.


From what I recall, Blake describes thinking and feeling as actionary and sensing and intuition as experience related. So yeah, I can understand how Ni would be difficult to understand and offer application advice. Can you try though? Isn’t it your dominant function? I know I may apply my differently because it’s my aux. But give it a go, yo.


Hmm…interesting, interesting. Perhaps your situation is a little different because of your profession or educational focus? Science is or isn’t. Unless we’re talking quantum physics. So I can see how you might struggle with thinking you’re being a bitch when your dom function is Fe and your communicating in an Te world?

Does this make sense people? Am I getting it? Is there hope for me yet?


Hmm regarding your specific situation, if I were in your place, I would just think “Fuck it, the person gave me permission to edit it anyway I chose, so if they make a fuss it’s their fault. Besides, the whole issue is a small matter anyway because a) in the big picture, the newsletter is just a small part and other factors like the department’s operations matter far more; b) they didn’t put in much effort anyway, which means the whole thing is unimportant to them, so if they see a big change they likely won’t make a fuss at all; and c) Since I’m putting in more effort into this newsletter than them, this means they’re not entitled to make a fuss at all, and if they do so, to hell with them.”

Yea I think using Ni aux would be something like taking a step back and looking at the big picture. You know, letting the small stuff slide and all that. Getting philosophical. Humans are ultimately insignificant in the vast expanse of the cosmos etc. That sort of stuff.

A decidedly non-diplomatic example of Ni aux by the bad guy (2 min clip from 1982 Conan movie. Warning: Contains slightly gory visuals - slightly bloody injuries, self-sacrifice by jumping, but otherwise no violence. Quite tame by today’s standards.) :



@Ankh Yea that’s what I meant by using Ni aux and taking a step back and looking at the big picture when trying to balance different parties’ feelings and needs.


Try leading with Fe first, ie deliberately thinking “How can I (proactively) mend our relationship and get this lab guy on my side?” That is, if you’re actually INFJ. If you’re not then you gotta figure out your type and use the aux function.


Uh, Ni is a mind-fuck and a half. Poor INFJs…

Still researching. Un momento.

“Picture a circumference widening forever inward (if you can).” Damn, Blake. Dat be a mind-fuck. It’s hot.

So let’s see…

What I’m talking about is…auxiliary solutions to inferior problems. I was trying to research how I could provide a sufficient reply to your remarks @Sam and actually you too, @Sammy. I was reading about how the auxiliary is the program your computer runs to solve inferior problems. My inferiority complex is Ti. My situation does not apply to my Ti. It applies to some Fe Fi stuff. Which, remember, I am a hardcore Scorpio, so I will have heavy influence in Fi.

BUT!! I was reading this lovely little bit:

And I came to… “To be continued…”

I need more info and more research time.


Heehee…I’m an enfj :kissing_heart: I’ll keep your advice in mind…right now he kinda treats me as if I was a superior in the lab instead of a fellow student haahaha :wink:


ENFJs are superior beings…muahahaha.


Yea that makes sense…but even before I chose my major this happened a lot…maybe that’s because I was really competitive in college??


Hmm…why? Why competitive? What is or was your motivation? To be the best?