Fe is short term leading people on—overpromising in a way that is unsustainable. In the moment it feels ethical but it’s not ethical it’s comfortable. For Entp. Helps prevent Fi feelings and helps Entp maintain control of others.
Imagine I walk into a convenience store. I’m driving for uber and it’s 1am. All I need to do is pee.
Fe strategy is to buy something instead of just going pee. So instead of walking to bathroom and going pee and leaving I spend $5 without reason on junk I don’t want. This has consequences for me later but prevents anxiety in the moment that would stem from the times that I’m gonna use the bathroom and leave and have some minimum wage clerk actually give a shit and be like “hey man! customers only.” I’m anxious just imagining using the bathroom without buying something. It’s not anxiety about Si rules bevause I don’t think there is a rule. It’s anciety about potential confrontation and wanting to control the situation and preemptively keep the mood good.
Let’s say I get $5 worth of crap and then I go the cashier and buy it and then I’m like where is the bathroom and they say “oh we don’t have one for customers.” This happened once. I had to go to another gas station ad buy additional crap and then use the bathroom.
So usually I ask where the bathroom is before I hand them my card. I have done this and when they say they don’t have one which a couple have done, I say “okay then I’m not buying this, goodbye,” and I walk out. This is very hard for me to do but it’s Better than the time that I did that once and bought it Anyway.
I do not feel good wlakkng our like that I feel like I’m going to get in a fight. I just am hypersensitive to what I see as a negative emotional experience.
Ultimate goal would be to not buy things if I don’t want to and just try to ask for the bathroom and if they say no, leave.
Problem is that when I do Fe all the time I am actually spending a lot of my energy estimating and managing social situations. When I focus on Ti I discover that my anxiety and fear about the social situation are a bit overblown.
But I have noticed that Fi is more prominent when I’m not Fe manahkng everything. And Fi is like, I don’t know, on a short fuse to Te or explosive or something and so it’s scRy hard. Like one time when j asked if they had a bathroom ad the guy said “not for customers,” I said “perfect because I’m not A customer, I’m not buying a fucking thing, this store is a piece of shit bye.” Lol not exactly but approximately.
So maybe my Fi minimum efforts are like me trying to learn how to hold Fi anger feelinfs and other intense Fi feelings which crop up in moments when I don’t do Fe management of situation. Trying to learn to just like, sit with emotion, make body language that says “can’t talk” or whatever and like, yeah, I don’t know. Whatever the next thing you do with Fi is. Haven’t figured that out.
Fe is all about what otheRs perceive my situation to be. Ti/Fi sre more like what my situation actually is. Fe has nothing to do with my internal reality and so it’s just as easy for me to lie as to tell the truth. I’m not in any realm of ethics when doing Fe. Just controlling for perception.
Biggest problem is with people I care about when I set up unsustainable expectations. Over promise and then under deliver. In the moment my other option is to be like “oh no yeah I don’t want to do that or can’t. It won’t work for me.” Then I’m just like, ohhhj shit, what happens now?
That’s why this Fi minimum stuff for me needs to be about stuff that is easily misunderstood. Getting comfortable with being misunderstood by strangers.
Basiclaly Fe puts the most effort in th location that is furthest from me. So family gets less Fe than a stranger. This builds resentment in family too. “Why always taking their side?” Well I’m stretching my emotions to the furthest edge of the argument away from me. If you are close to me you get shafted this way.