Friendships based on MBTI / between types!


#1

Inspired from a few posts from the “Life’s Special Moments” thread starting from this post: Life’s Special Moments

Let’s talk about how friendships tend to develop and deepen in certain types and even between types!

The comic panel above is based on a longer one about making friends with me (girl in the comic talking to cat-me is typed as ENFP). I sometimes come off as zany and a bit stupids and aloof on first glance, and even though I might seem friendly and inviting, I am actually fairly prickly and will bat people away if I think they are getting too “familiar” with me without my permission. I warn people about this and hope they heed it, but if you wanna try anyway… prepare! I kidn of play rough.

I usually make a joke that it takes about 7 years to really develop a friendship with me where I will do more genuine reciprocal sharing with more consideration and quality time spent with a person. I think sometimes there are people who think it will be a fun time trying to open me up and get to know me on a deep level or really drag out some kind of reciprocal obligation from me, but they soon find out that I will ice them out or try to tear them apart if they try to get too personal. During my whole undergrad and graduate studies, I only made one friend who I hung out with sometimes, but even now I don’t really talk to her. lol

This is why I have about… … 3ish friends in my physical area who I only see MAYBE once or twice a year and I have known them since middle school, about 2ish online friends who I may talk to daily on an extended basis, and a couple of family members who are more an every other day or weekly kind of communication. I do not have a lot of social energy to spend, and physical social energy less so. But I think this is actually a lot better than most INTJ! For I have a kind of friendly aura!

I think I tend to make better friends with introverted types because they are less draining for me to interact with, and often they are INFP (because so cute and weird!) or INFJ (also cute… but… CRANKY!–which is funny). Other INTJ are really hit-or-miss for me. I think INTJ tend to circle one another critically, unsure if each other’s values match up, and weaknesses they see mirrored in each other tend to be annoying to themselves as well. I have enough problems with pedantic Ti and social stupidity, I need not deal with other INTJ with same problems! ENFJ, while I range from admiration and neutrality, I tend to remain a respectful distance from because I can FEEL their aura of influence and I am usually allergic to that–but I will happily egg them on and support their zany ideas. ENFP are somewhat similar but I tend to sense a more needy aura to them, which is pretty draining for me to deal with–it doesn’t help that they might think they are rescuing poor INTJ me from social/emotional isolation as if “opening me up” is some sort of manifest destiny… that’s pretty presumptuous!

I highly value intelligence though, so anyone who is really smart and witty tends to get some admiration awe from me and maybe earns some kind of friend-crush status (me wishing I could be friends with such a cool person!) until I decide they are not worth my time. lol

So anyway, how do any of you others experience friendship? Does it take long for others to really get to know you? Does anyone actually ever get to know you for real? What types do you find easiest to connect with? Do you see really interesting friendships between other types? Maybe yearn a bit to have a certain type as a friend? (I think ISTP are super cool, but I am not sure I know any personally and do not know if I would get along!)


#3

…friendships…I am always unsure of the standing and convinced the other has no benefit from me…I am terrified of what that article described…thinking “Jenna has status of FRIEND” only to discover it is one way because of self delusion. There are some people that just are loyal to people as part of their makeup. Heart grows fonder over time type business. Sometimes those friendships feel safer because the loyalty doesn’t seem to depend as much on being an amazing friend or amazing deep conversationalist (2 exes told me at the end I am a poor conversationalist). I literally have told myself mentally that seeking friendship is like foolish stuff from my younger years…I don’t do anything proactive I let whatever happens happen. So yeah whatever happens happens is the summary.


#4

How do I experience friendships? In parts. I have myself partitioned into three pieces, and decide early on which piece I’m going to share with someone. That is the only piece they’ll ever get; the other two are off limits to them forever. Penelope Trunk says in one of her INFJ articles that “no one understands you [an INFJ] 100% so find people who can reliably connect with you on different aspects of your thinking. Find people who understand different parts of you and avoid expecting or even demanding more from them than what they can give.” I find this to be true, and once I adjusted my expectations of others in friendship, and myself as a friend, I felt a lot more content.

I think the only person who knows me really thoroughly is my INTJ friend. I asked her how long it took for her to feel like she really knew me, and she said it was around two years ago. We’ve known each other for almost ten years, haha. So I guess it takes a while…

INTJs are the type I find easiest to connect with. Since they’re so rare in real life, it’s kind of exciting to feel your dominant Ni jiving really well with someone else. Because that doesn’t often happen. And I find how to-the-point they are to be super refreshing. They will often say really terrible things where I’m like, “I was thinking that, but I wasn’t going to say it, so I’m glad you said it.” They’re kinda like, what you see is what you get. I don’t have to puzzle out much if they have some kind of hidden motives and such when I’m talking to them. They also don’t have a lot of pettiness… and I enjoy their dry sense of fun… Overall, INTJs remind me very much of cats, as Blake has said, and I love cats, so I guess it makes sense that I also really like INTJs.

I have a lot of admiration for ISTPs as well. One of my very best friends is an ISTP. I think they can be a bit INTJ-ish in how they present (pretty cool cats) but have a bit more of a care-taking bent than INTJs. The aforesaid ISTP was over at my apartment once and was like, “Sometimes I think we should become roommates but then I think I’d just murder you.”…says she as she’s in the kitchen washing my dishes because seeing my clutter pissed her off. We’re always “mean” to each other, like we speak in a blunt way to each other that I don’t think we’d use with anyone else - but she’s a really good and dedicated friend. I also like her because we can see each other maybe a couple of times a year and that’s it. Neither of us needs to socialize much. Very important.

ENFPs…it’s funny because I take dumps on them so often around here, but in real life, I find them maybe the easiest types to be friends with. They just put out such good vibes and are so jolly and laid-back, how can you not like them, yeah? It’s like, they’re the type I “like” the most if we’re talking the number of good friends I’ve had - I think most people I’ve considered fairly close have been ENFPs - but they also piss me off more than any other type.

ENFJs are one of my very favorite types - maybe second to INTJs - but to paraphrase Erika, ENFJs don’t have friends. Well, the type 3 ones don’t, at least. (I’m exaggerating a bit…I just think it takes an extremely specific set of circumstances for an ENFJ to consider someone a close friend.)

Oh - and ISFJs. I think ISFJs are pretty underappreciated. But then they’re such a broad-ranging type. Some of the people I’ve most intensely disliked have been ISFJ, but some of my favorite people have been ISFJs. I’ll say for them that they’re really good and loyal friends in a practical sense. They won’t just sit around and listen to you - if you’re in trouble, they’ll actually DO something to help you out. Also, they are pretty intelligent - not “intellectual”, but intelligent - so it’s easy to have good conversation with them. Especially if you have a mutual network of friends and acquaintances. ISFJ gossip is kinda dirty petty fun. And yet they’re also pretty fair, or at least open to being so.

So, in summary, types I generally “like” are INTJs, ISTPs, ISFJs, and ENFPs. Most of my close friends have been ENFPs. I want more INTJ and ISTP friends.


#5

I feel similarly. INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ, ENTP account for nearly all the friends I’ve had. Huh, all perceiving dominant.

Also one ENFP, one ENFJ, two INFPs, but I find there are real limits on how I can connect with them.

I think I tend to like ISTPs but I seem not to attract them as friends.


#6

@lml
Hahah I feel the same, I like ideas and I may use myself as an example, but actual self-disclosing for its own sake or for support/rapport is not as easy for me. I know how it is supposed to work technically, but it seems like a chore unless it is someone I really click with.

I think because I grew up with INFP brother and stuff, clicking happens most with INFP in an easy way. Perhaps because I am playful and help focus their Ne desires a bit with Ni and Te, so it ends up feeling “productive” for us both lol. I admire how fierce ENTJ are too, but I am a bit intimidated by their aura of influence. lol Despite tha fact that one of my best proximity friends is ENTJ… haha.

@lunar
It feels like there is no use in being terrified in the end. People are just people, and sometimes those we admire or wish we could get more attention from do not find us a priority. The great thing is, they have the same happen to them! hahah Justice. You seem like a good conversationalist if you are interested in something. Maybe a bit scattered or lost in wistfulness though. There are some people who would find that hard to follow because it feels like the thoughts and feelings evaporate into the ethers (kind of like how some people have a hard time remembering their dreams after waking or are not sure they even dream at all). I think other introverts appreciate friendly soft approaches of infp, but they too are sometimes bad at reciprocating so no one knows if anyone is actually friend-friends hahahah.

@wendy
Some people get very caught up in friendship idealisms, especially those presented in the media as “peak friends” being those monogamous best friends forever through thick and thin martyrs for one another kind of things. It makes some people think that they have no friends at all, or that even some of their sincere friends are fakers. But I think there is a place for each kind of relationship in people’s lives.

It takes too much social energy for me to be actively petty. Like you have to think of the person and how to snub them and then other Fe connections… Very hard for INTJs to do unless they are investing in it as a project. But that is such a dumb and useless project, so what is the point! I think ISTP are cool and can be hilarious, so I wish I had more friends or acquaintances of that type to admire too. Thinking that are the type to go break someone’s legs over a grave wrong is hilarious because they are often so stoicor emotionally cold.

@stuart
What makes the connection limited for you? Is there a reason you find other types easier to get along with in comparison?