Inspired from a few posts from the “Life’s Special Moments” thread starting from this post: Life’s Special Moments
Let’s talk about how friendships tend to develop and deepen in certain types and even between types!
The comic panel above is based on a longer one about making friends with me (girl in the comic talking to cat-me is typed as ENFP). I sometimes come off as zany and a bit stupids and aloof on first glance, and even though I might seem friendly and inviting, I am actually fairly prickly and will bat people away if I think they are getting too “familiar” with me without my permission. I warn people about this and hope they heed it, but if you wanna try anyway… prepare! I kidn of play rough.
I usually make a joke that it takes about 7 years to really develop a friendship with me where I will do more genuine reciprocal sharing with more consideration and quality time spent with a person. I think sometimes there are people who think it will be a fun time trying to open me up and get to know me on a deep level or really drag out some kind of reciprocal obligation from me, but they soon find out that I will ice them out or try to tear them apart if they try to get too personal. During my whole undergrad and graduate studies, I only made one friend who I hung out with sometimes, but even now I don’t really talk to her. lol
This is why I have about… … 3ish friends in my physical area who I only see MAYBE once or twice a year and I have known them since middle school, about 2ish online friends who I may talk to daily on an extended basis, and a couple of family members who are more an every other day or weekly kind of communication. I do not have a lot of social energy to spend, and physical social energy less so. But I think this is actually a lot better than most INTJ! For I have a kind of friendly aura!
I think I tend to make better friends with introverted types because they are less draining for me to interact with, and often they are INFP (because so cute and weird!) or INFJ (also cute… but… CRANKY!–which is funny). Other INTJ are really hit-or-miss for me. I think INTJ tend to circle one another critically, unsure if each other’s values match up, and weaknesses they see mirrored in each other tend to be annoying to themselves as well. I have enough problems with pedantic Ti and social stupidity, I need not deal with other INTJ with same problems! ENFJ, while I range from admiration and neutrality, I tend to remain a respectful distance from because I can FEEL their aura of influence and I am usually allergic to that–but I will happily egg them on and support their zany ideas. ENFP are somewhat similar but I tend to sense a more needy aura to them, which is pretty draining for me to deal with–it doesn’t help that they might think they are rescuing poor INTJ me from social/emotional isolation as if “opening me up” is some sort of manifest destiny… that’s pretty presumptuous!
I highly value intelligence though, so anyone who is really smart and witty tends to get some admiration awe from me and maybe earns some kind of friend-crush status (me wishing I could be friends with such a cool person!) until I decide they are not worth my time. lol
So anyway, how do any of you others experience friendship? Does it take long for others to really get to know you? Does anyone actually ever get to know you for real? What types do you find easiest to connect with? Do you see really interesting friendships between other types? Maybe yearn a bit to have a certain type as a friend? (I think ISTP are super cool, but I am not sure I know any personally and do not know if I would get along!)