Being a good person was so easy when we were five. Say please and thank you. Don’t push, trip, or hit. Eat all of the food on your dinner plate. Share your toys. Now, as an adult, it’s more difficult. What does being a good person even mean?
For some reason I associate the word “sacrifice” with happiness. Why? Because my happiness could mean unhappiness for many people. And so how does my happiness weigh against another’s happiness? It doesn’t. There is no, “her happiness is better than mine.” That doesn’t exist. So, someone or everyone has to make sacrifices when it comes to happiness. Unless you’re a complete jackass.
And so, is this what it means to be a good person? To make sacrifices for other’s happiness? To believe that something you want is selfish and unworthy of fulfilling? See, the dirt that will hold me someday doesn’t give a fuck about my petty human problems. But while I am alive and while I have a mind and heart, these things trouble me. They trouble me so deeply.
What does giving up and giving in have to do with all of this as well? It plays a part. Logic and emotion don’t mix well. It causes a shock, rendering you paralyzed.
So what do I decide and what will I decide? To sacrifice my happiness for others. Because my lack of happiness (disguised), causes happiness to others. And who am I to decide that they should no longer be happy. To know that I would cause someone unhappiness by seeking my happiness doesn’t sit well in my gut.
But then what have I created? A false reality. Full of fake smiles and forced love. So who is really happy? The one who says, “Okay, fine. If it makes you happy do it.” or the one who says, “I am permitted.”? Do you see what just happened? There is a consensual process on happiness. Consensual and sacrificial. And it should be consensual. Why? Because every single thing we do, effects and effects other people. People can get on their “om mantra” box and say, “Do what makes you happy, man.” or “Happiness is a state of mind.” I think that’s bullshit. I’m calling bullshit on the philosophers. Compromises, boundaries, rules, laws, and respect. These are the things that allow or disallow my happiness. Freedom can be lonely. So maybe that’s the compromise we make - to be gifted a sense of happiness when our surrounding world sees fit. And to have a surrounding world…
Who are the people that say, “happiness comes from within”? They are the kind of people that either smoke drugs or meditate, forgetting the world that exists around them. How can you have a realistic view when you close out and up? So, to be happy, one must ignore the world we live in today. They must make up stories and dream. What I am attempting to do in this post is be the real person living in the world we’ve all created. Yes, each of have had a hand. So, maybe I’m a good person by being unhappy so someone else can be happy? Or maybe I’ve just exposed the truth and no one is happy?
So, I will remain a martyr for happiness.