Happiness And Being a Good Person


#1

Being a good person was so easy when we were five. Say please and thank you. Don’t push, trip, or hit. Eat all of the food on your dinner plate. Share your toys. Now, as an adult, it’s more difficult. What does being a good person even mean?

For some reason I associate the word “sacrifice” with happiness. Why? Because my happiness could mean unhappiness for many people. And so how does my happiness weigh against another’s happiness? It doesn’t. There is no, “her happiness is better than mine.” That doesn’t exist. So, someone or everyone has to make sacrifices when it comes to happiness. Unless you’re a complete jackass.

And so, is this what it means to be a good person? To make sacrifices for other’s happiness? To believe that something you want is selfish and unworthy of fulfilling? See, the dirt that will hold me someday doesn’t give a fuck about my petty human problems. But while I am alive and while I have a mind and heart, these things trouble me. They trouble me so deeply.

What does giving up and giving in have to do with all of this as well? It plays a part. Logic and emotion don’t mix well. It causes a shock, rendering you paralyzed.

So what do I decide and what will I decide? To sacrifice my happiness for others. Because my lack of happiness (disguised), causes happiness to others. And who am I to decide that they should no longer be happy. To know that I would cause someone unhappiness by seeking my happiness doesn’t sit well in my gut.

But then what have I created? A false reality. Full of fake smiles and forced love. So who is really happy? The one who says, “Okay, fine. If it makes you happy do it.” or the one who says, “I am permitted.”? Do you see what just happened? There is a consensual process on happiness. Consensual and sacrificial. And it should be consensual. Why? Because every single thing we do, effects and effects other people. People can get on their “om mantra” box and say, “Do what makes you happy, man.” or “Happiness is a state of mind.” I think that’s bullshit. I’m calling bullshit on the philosophers. Compromises, boundaries, rules, laws, and respect. These are the things that allow or disallow my happiness. Freedom can be lonely. So maybe that’s the compromise we make - to be gifted a sense of happiness when our surrounding world sees fit. And to have a surrounding world…

Who are the people that say, “happiness comes from within”? They are the kind of people that either smoke drugs or meditate, forgetting the world that exists around them. How can you have a realistic view when you close out and up? So, to be happy, one must ignore the world we live in today. They must make up stories and dream. What I am attempting to do in this post is be the real person living in the world we’ve all created. Yes, each of have had a hand. So, maybe I’m a good person by being unhappy so someone else can be happy? Or maybe I’ve just exposed the truth and no one is happy?

So, I will remain a martyr for happiness.


#2

You are not responsible for other people’s happiness, Erika. Are other people responsible for your’s? No.
You are responsible for who you want to be. If you want to be kind, be gentle when you need to say goodbye.


#3

And do not think I do not struggle with disappointing people like this all of the time. Struggle with guilt and just do it, whatever it is to avoid what feels like letting people down. So much easier to do what you have taught people to expect from you than upset them. But really, even if they are upset, and even if they blame you, the expectation was built on a temporary time and choice and what we wanted or knew then. Everyone will need to learn to deal with changes. We all have to deal when people take off and do their thing. Would we want to make our kids feel guilty over leaving their nest and living their own life? Any of us expecting another to sacrifice themselves for our own inability to cope is frankly wrong and they do not love you for you but for what they want or think they need from you.
Doing something out of love, like tending an ill friend or family member is different. It is a choice though. All of being here is choices.
And something that seems like a taking away choice is not necessarily so. Especially when giving in is forced and false. It may be the person you left is set free by setting yourself free. Maybe they will find what they didn’t know they were missing.


#5

:anguished:


#6

what’s happening? why the tears? can i wipe them for you? or is that sweat? what’s going on?


#7

“You can’t make everyone happy”, this is the first thing I learnt when I got into customer service industry. I think it is very kind of you to put others happiness first before your own, however you need to find a balance being kind to others and be kind to yourself.

If you think that your happiness is build upon others misfortune, how about if you turn it the other way round, I am sure the other person wouldn’t want to build their happiness on your misfortune too. I believe we need to have mutual respect between both parties.

Be kind to yourself, Erika.


#8

I would assume it’s something like this? You know… like how Louis CK says things nobody is supposed to say. We all have those inner demons. Probably there are some really chill peeps out there. But I understand chill before I understand “happy”. I still don’t understand what happy means.


#9

It was cuz you deleted your post.:kissing_heart:


#10

I don’t think it’s the road to happiness that’s paved with good intentions.


#11

Am I missing something? Why is it an issue to make both yourself as well as other people happy? I understand the challenge of trying to make all parties happy, but why would happiness mean that it can only be one or the other?


#12

Maybe I should have added right and wrong into the equation…?

What if something that makes you happy is considered wrong by the mass community?


#13

So, see what I’m saying? Happiness is dependent on community.

Let’s look at killing people for example. Maybe it makes someone happy to kill. But they can’t because it is against the law for moral reasons because the majority of the world sees it as wrong.

So if the majority are happy because you’re unhappy (not directly), then one must be aware enough to choose to be unhappy for the good of the majority.


#14

But… you want to kill people? Sounds like a “you” situation and not a normal issue. Is your particular situation similar? Like morally wrong and/or straight up illegal? Now I’m scared to offer an opinion. Lol. If you are talking about the fact that your happiness involves knowingly hurting people, you may need an exsessive amount of hugs and support from people…and you may have to work on yourself and the mental frame work of happiness. But if your talking about something that is just looked down on… like farting and/or queefing in public…or dressing in something Isfj girls would consider slutty…Then you should do it. If your going to kill someone don’t respond to my comment. As Prax has said, leave room for plausible deniability…But for the record, if this thread goes into evidence, I voted don’t kill. Haha


#15

Haha! Yes!!! I want to fart at work, but I know it will make a lot of people unhappy. It may even kill them.


#16

I fucking knew it. Don’t limit yourself in life. Let it flow. There are better things to worry about in life…like intestinal air space. Cognitive dissonance can only be overcome if you are aware of your own fears and farts. These mental chains of insecurities will take care of themselves when you realize what you were afraid of all along was your protein and fiber intake. So let it rip.


#17

Can I get an AMEN?!? Hallelujah!!!

I’m gonna do it. And I’m gonna do it while I’m talking to someone. And have a look on my face like nothing happened. Like a dead, straight face.

Or I could do it in my cubicle and say afterward, “omg! My chair just broke!!!”

Thank you for being an inspiration, @Sammy.


#18

Happiness, particularly in the proverbial sense, is overrated. Devotion to truth, wisdom, learning, growing, overcoming obstacles is more worth the trouble - or so I’ve tentatively concluded.


#19

Haha. Sexy.


#20

Fe? Maybe? I am not sure I need these things to be happy. Maybe they are Fe things? For me these register as Fe things and I alternately feign belief in them, hide from them, swear about them, sneak around them, and try to dismantle them. Mostly I worry the people will decide it’s best that I am locked up.

I am pretty sure happiness is a state of mind for me though. Every time I worry about getting tossed into Fe prison I have to remember “it’s just another interesting system of power and what are the chances I can’t have a lot of meaningful days there?” To be honest my wife and I both fantasize about being in prison and just going to a lunch room for lunch and just like having a little manual labor job and not having kids demanding stuff and I oh god it sounds pretty pretty doable really.

So yeah. State of mind. I’m definitely only unhappy when I let myself be.


#21

Oh and

Omg

I was such a piece of shit when I was 5. If you met me I stole something from you.