“OMG” Cool post! I tried to start something like this in one of my posts in the Stellar Maze website, but alas, nobody replied.
Well, about the picture - sorry can’t do that, as I find it quite personal and hence not appropriate for the whole of Internet to see. But let’s just say that I had two eras, so picture this: (1) Young me from toddler to age 8/9 or so - very girly, princessy, petite girl with a rather prominent smile that goes all the way up to the eyes. Nevertheless, bashful-looking. (2) Age 9 to 12 - bookworm-looking tomboy donning spectacles for the first time, as gaunt as a skeleton, still very short with the same warm, prominent smile…And oh…things have changed from there! Nowadays in my early twenties, I have somewhat returned to my former self, very girly and all, at least in style and appearance, but my vibe is very intense, aggressive/masculine, and probably pretentious as well. I don’t smile often, but one might be able to catch me in my rare genuine moments.
I was very well-loved and in fact, spoiled rotten as a child, yet strangely I always felt deprived of love. - maybe it’s because my INTJ father left the house when I was young. I needed constant re-affirmations from my mother, who is for sure an enneatype 3, and maybe an ESTP, ISTP, or ENFJ with Aqaurius moon. I remember doing everything for my mother to constantly seek her approval - I wanted to be good, smart, talented, agh, just anything to buy her love. I was also quite touchy - but only in privacy - and constantly begged for hugs. Apparently my hugs were quite warmly intense or intensely warm (idk) as a child. And ha, I don’t give such hugs out anymore - never. I’m a cold, bitter-hearted bitch…but the, ehem, “thirst” is still there? I’m sure you get what I mean by that.
I guess the other salient trait, really, is the striking difference between how I behave at home vs how I behave at school. In school I was a very shy, quiet and mild little girl. Always polite and thoughtful. At home, I was a rambunctious tomboy, never running out of energy, crashing and bumping into things like a bulldozer. I also had a terrible temper at home and constantly sassed around my older ESTP/ISTP sister and my mother, because my way is always right and well, fuck authority. Some of my tantrums were so terribly memorable that my parents declared full-say in who I’d marry (rolls eyes). Well, they have a point, rightly so, I know I have a terrible monster in me. It’s been laying dormant for a very, very long time…for many years now…but I know it’s there and it’s out for blood.
And fuck, this post is getting terribly long because I enjoy talking about myself so much. As for typing individuals, if we go by Blake’s book, if I can remember the ego emerges round about the age of 7? The id is a reflection of how one has experienced his/her mother, and the ego emerges when the child begins to identify his/herself as a separate entity from his/her mother? It’s hard to say when I had personally experienced the first sprigs of Ni in my childhood…My childhood was filled with many changes around age 5-7, moving to an entirely different country, having to learn a new language only two years after I had learned to speak/write/read in my native tongue, father tankin’ out…Perhaps this was exactly the time I had begun to rely on Ni, living in a non-verbal realm to try to adapt to a strange new world with all these changing circumstances. I didn’t have a goddamn clue what was going on - I had to find some way at least. I was quite non-verbal, really, until I entered adolescence, so I had never thought I had any gift with language, only with mathematics/science/art/music. Communicative ability really only began to shine when I was 13/14. …My mother didn’t think I had any intellectual gift at all, only creative gifts really, during my primary school days - and rightly so, I was busy dilly-dallying in my own little fictional world, eyes clouded with purity and naivety…Maybe this was an actual manifestation of pure Ni mixed with Fi-id. Once I fully acquired and mastered the English language (this was around age 11/12 - I was a late/asynchronous developer), my astrology came into play I think and I had quickly and intuitively adopted the craft of being competent (I have a Libra sun with Saturn as a chart ruler, also Aquarius as my ascendant). I became overall much more air-ish, as implied by my natal chart, from adolescence onwards, and by now, no one would ever suspect me as an INFJ. I come across as INTJish or even ENTJish, but the fucked up insecure, love-deprived, sexually hungry Fi-id child is definitely still there hiding inside me.
Anyways, I think with my case at least, my type only really became clear around age 12/13, and the first fruits (poisonous fruits that is) of neglected Fi id came about age 15 or so. I think the delayed emergence has a lot to do with weird events throwing off my early childhood development. Now that I think about it, astrology might have been playing from the beginning, as my pampered childhood and penchant for theatrics seem to resonate quite well with my Leo moon. Although I was quite sensitive and possessed a rather shame-based insecurity about myself, I wasn’t too aware of emotional intensity, spiritual affairs, others’ emotional wellbeing, or well human-pathos in general, until age 16 maybe. I remember friends telling me of a loved ones’ illness or death and I would feel strangely detached and at a loss for how I should react. (Of course, this was all covered up by my pretense of being nice and meek) Maybe this has something to do with the air-ish elements of my birth chart, or idk, maybe even the strange detached feeling I had living in a fast-changing, foreign world, somewhat placed me in the shoes of a Ti-id dweller…So I had adopted this weird split personality between INFJ and INTJ since very early on, especially due to very delayed language development (and hence heavy reliance on the logical realm), but the original-original “real” me is INFJ, based on manifestations of Fi-id in my wee-kiddy toddler days.