Highly Evolved INFJ


Can an highly evolved INFJ - after much processing of emotions (years, decades), come to the conclusion of love. Love for mankind, love for individuals, that sort. Like a REAL deep love - for he/she has a firm understanding of the emotional play that is being played out - the drama if you will. He/she therefore doesn’t get swept into the deep abyss of life for he/she understands it’s all an illusion with the interplay of emotions.

Any thoughts?


yes. look at @Stewart
he is the living and breathing example for

and i have no doubt about this.


on another note,

one INFJ guy i know, in his 50’s.
very compassionate and loving, but i know he’s not ‘there’ yet.

he’s in his second marriage, and he’s very happy.

he always used to say, and probably still says “don’t marry until you’re 30”

he used to say that to young-adults and just walk away. like he dropped some wisdom bomb or something hahaha

and we sat and talked about his statement

basically implying that he thought he knew what love meant but he was so clueless about love and relationship.
so he said 30 is when your identity becomes more stabilized and until then big decisions like that shouldn’t be made .

i agree partially but he was so gung-ho about marrying before 30 is like an absolutely stupid decision.


I second his statement. Don’t marry until you have to. Especially if you’re a man. And get a prenup (kudos to Donald Trump’s book ‘Think Big’ for giving me this advice).


Probably. I think any one individual can find the “right” person for them with enough good fortune. Based on experience I actually don’t think whether you’re “highly evolved” or not has much to do with it. I know some extremely messed up, immature. people in happy, stable, decades-long relationships. Likewise some very messed up people have a deep love and real empathy for “humanity” as a whole.

I think INFJs need to learn to learn to settle a bit, maybe. I like this one blogger’s advice to INFJs: “No one understands you 100% so find people who can reliably connect with you on different aspects of your thinking. Find people who understand different parts of you and avoid expecting or even demanding more from them than what they can give.”

Applicable to any kind of love, romantic, familial, platonic, etc.

Now if you’re talking marriage, along with applying the above advice one would probably need to go out and make friends so that you’re not relying on one person as your be-all, end-all which I think is a fast track for an INFJ to get sick of and disappointed with someone.


My girlfriend’s father is a highly evolved INFJ. Ironically, I ended up being an INFJ too hahaha. That being said, I’ve given it my all to learn from another one of my type who has more experience than me.

On a base level, we are very much alike, just as mbti cognitive functions describe. The way we process information is the same, but the things we do are very different. Needless to say, before I learned from him, I was ridiculously unhealthy.

I would spend my days alone, always in pure reflection, constantly gaining information but never using it, didn’t have any skills in just about anything, and in the end I was your typical enneagram 5 infj whose nose was always stuck on the drawing board and was never really close to anybody.

That being said, I had to learn a lot from her father. I learned these few things:

  1. Don’t wait to get good in life. If anybody calls you impatient to hell with them because all you’re trying to do is get good in life to have the power to influence those around you positively. The end justifies the means. Don’t ask for permission, just ask for forgiveness later and get good.

  2. To build off of my first point, a highly evolved infj should learn as many practical skills as possible. Cooking, doing laundry, washing dishes, maintaining a car, keeping a stock of medicine, keeping a stock of extra food, maintaining finances, etc. Your best trait as an infj is building a warm and secure environment for others so you must learn all the skills necessary to do it, even if they are a little mundane.

  3. Work fast by following your gut and really listen to what the situation is asking you. Screw the what ifs, it’s okay to make mistakes. The importing thing is fulfilling the needs of the situation and getting the job done.

  4. Never ever skip over extraverted feeling. It’s not a weakness like many infjs think. You can turn it into a strength. It taught me that everyone has feelings and can’t always stick to the long term vision. It taught me that everyone needs a little criticism to shoot down their egos. It taught me that, if introverted thinking shouts at you there’s a loose end and something is not resolved, then you should resolve it right away. It taught me that if you let extraverted feeling turn into introverted feeling, then you are basically a selfish ass motherfucker who only cares about his or her morals more than tending to the specific needs of others.

At the end of the day, the biggest lesson is never ever skipping over extraverted feeling. Period. Skipping over to introverted thinking will make you an inflexible asshole. Being stuck in extraverted sensing will turn you into a fatass who eats too much. And the worst, skipping all the way to introverted feeling, will make you a selfish bastard.

It was only when I started to do all these things I started to see a life worth living. But to answer your question, can an infj come to the conclusion of love, the answer is paradoxically yes and no (how fitting of an answer for an infj i know). Because for an infj to come to the conclusion of love or true love for anything, they need to do exactly as I said. To continue to maintain and fullfill the needs of the situation. In them there is a deep need to set things right and resolve the situation in front of them. So its important to for them to apply themselves in a situation or to people that are really responsive. If change can’t happen, the infj should walk away, because they will turn into a hateful person just like anybody else.

So to come to the conclusion of true love, the infj should always apply themselves where they can truly make a difference. To go where their efforts aren’t wasted and to do it every single day, to them that’s true love rather than doing something for the sake of doing it.


Hey, @nilson. Whenever I see your name I think of my stoner freshman year HS days. Good times.

Anywho, can you please elaborate on the text I highlighted? It’s maybe too broad for me to understand. I’m trying. :blush:



Then let me be more concrete.

For example, when I was younger I used to dedicate my time and effort to my family. But they were so selfish, so resistant to change and criticism, that in the end I wasted my effort trying to help them. So my point here is, don’t help people who don’t want to be helped, because it’s impossible form a solid relationship with them. To form a good relationship with anyone or anything, it needs to be open to change.

Bad infj pattern
Tries to help (Ni-Fe) => help is rejected => negative loop is formed (Ni-Ti)

Good infj pattern
Tries to help (Ni-Fe) => help is accepted => situation is resolved => people are happy (Fe)

Basically Fe is the feedback mechanism that tells me whether I’m either getting happy results or sad results. Obviously you want to get happy results to satisfy (Fe).

But if happy Fe can never be achieved because people can’t take advice, honesty, or criticism, then forget them. You’ll fall into that Ni-Ti loop that criticizes everyone around you like no other. Find other people to help instead, people who actually welcome, use, and appreciate your help.


Are you sure you’re not ENFP? This sounds like a really ENFP approach. What you are describing as Fe sounds like an ENFP engaging in Fi to overcome the temptation of Te tertiary (which you describe as Ni-Ti loop). If I’m wrong just forget me.



An enfp engaging in Fi to overcome Te tempatation? No this is waaaaay different. But I understand your confusion.

Remember, Fi refers to personal feelings and needs. Fe refers to the feelings and needs of others.

An enfp would experiment with some new experience (Ne) and check to see how he feels about it in the aftermath (Fi). And infj, if you can convince them the experience is worthwhile ahead of time (Ni), would go along with the new experience, but while the experience is happening, make sure everybody is having a good time (Fe).

If the confusion is with what I described as the Ni-Ti loop, then let me be more clear about infj stress. There’s three levels of stress that I know which is:

  1. Ti: When infjs are so stressed, they bluntly point out inconsistencies about something
  2. Ni-Ti loop: When infjs are so pissed off, they will think about something, break that something down in their head, point out all of its inconsistencies, and break it down some more, and do it again and again and again to complete some negative opinion about someone or something.
  3. Se grip: When the infj gets its ass kicked so hard it removes itself from the situation and gets lost in the moment and overeats and drinks and sometimes ever gets a migraine.
  4. When Fe turns into Fi: Probably where I confused you. It’s possible for the infj to skip all the way to Fi. But Fi is such a shadow in the infj, that when they only consider their own personal needs and feelings, they are VERY selfish.

Just remember, the enfp can consider their own personal needs and feelings without being selfish about it. Because they know needs and feelings are complex. And they’ll pretty much respect that everybody else has personal needs and feelings and leave it at that. But the infj can’t do that, because they don’t specialize in it. So it’ll be a lot worse. They’ll consider their own needs and feelings. And then they’ll famously door slam the other person(s). And then the selfishness sits in.


So, an INFJ needs to feel useful?


Deconstruction into oblivion. This is my default haha. Links perfectly with Blake’s latest article on negative motivation in my opinion.


No doubt in my mind that you’re an INFJ, @nilson! This highly accurate glimpse inside the inner world of an INFJ could only have been written by someone who’s been there.

It’s also funny how your “three levels of stress” expanded into four levels, and I’d like to add another couple to the list:

  1. Te-frustration:
    When the INFJ knows exactly what to do and where to go, but is completely and utterly blocked by arbitary and impenetrable Te-red tape. The Secret Fire that drives all INFJs has nowhere to escape, so the internal heat and pressure rises to levels only found on the surface of the Sun, at which point the INFJ flies into a manic cleaning frenzy in a futile attempt to regain control…

  2. Si-Vortex of Despair:
    The death of all hope and joy and light. Usually follows directly after the Manic Cleaning Frenzy, when the Supernova finally burns out and collapses into a gravity-sucking black hole of monstrous proportions. Every sordid and humilating memory from the INFJ’s traumatic past is replayed in an endless nightmare of suck. The INFJ physical hypersensitivity meter maxes out at “Flayed Pixie”, at this level of sensory acuity INFJs become allergic to moonbeams, and their own tears of despair burn like boiling acid…


Why has this turned into another thread about INFJ dysfunction and breakdown? :laughing:

@nilson that is a lot of sound advice.


We can’t help ourselves, it seems! That @Blake fellow saw it first: we really are a bunch of self-absorbed drama queens…



I’m slowly starting to intuit the spiritual purpose of all that Aries energy we’ve all been irradiated with over the last few weeks. Aries types are famous for their direct and forthright approach to life, but their blunt communication style is anathema to us more diplomatic types, who prefer to soften our words for fear of causing offence.

But it’s becoming increasingly clear that our modern society has gone too far in its censure of straight talking, so much so that it’s degenerated into yet another form of oppression and control. I’m talking about the growing tyranny of fake PC speak, which pretends to be all about inclusiveness but is increasingly misused by closet control freaks to do the exact opposite, by excluding and demonising a growing number of basically decent and honest citizens for the heinous crime of speaking their minds.


How many green N people are there now?


4 or 5, depending on what color you think the dress is.


Ha, I’m taking this as a hint that I should get a real profile pic…

@schlopadoo why the post delete?


Huh. I always see gold and white dresses and N’s for some reason.