How to be friends with an entp


#1

I thought of this tonight when I exchanged texts with a friend I haven’t seen, spoken with, texted, or even thought of contacting since 2013. The absurd thing is I love this guy. Hes smart AF, he finds success in the ways that I look up to, and is someone I think will win the nobel prize in literature some day.

And yet our friendship exists as twenty to thirty minute exchanges of energy every five years.

Tonight, I texted him:

It’s been so long since I engaged with him that I didn’t know mbti theory when we talked before. So I never had a chance to force him to tell me he is an entp. But now that I think of it, it’s this invisible quality that could probably best define my relationships with other entps. it must be why I often think I don’t know any ENTPs.

But I do. It’s just that we don’t exist in the same space and time very often. So there are flashes of reintroduction of each other.

And with entp, when we reconnect, it doesn’t necessitate “reconnecting.” We basically look at one another from the drivers seat of two minivans on the freeway, smile, race for about ten seconds, then wave one another on. Always traveling to different times and spaces but at approximately the same speed in other words.

What are your friendships like with ENTPs? I’m curious. I definitely think Blake nailed it when he commented on an article that the way to be in a relationship with entp is to act as if you aren’t. Then you are at peak entp relation.


#2

This is kinda interesting: last night when I saw your picture I almost left a comment on your passing quite well for a cowboy, and could you ride a horse? Then I thought, nah, not gonna post that. And here you are a cowboy!
Or you’ve said it before and it got lost in my head somewhere…


#3

The relationship with my brother is like this. We talk a lot when he visits once or twice a year, but text very randomly and briefly when he’s at home. A call on the Birthdays or days later… He is also very cool to be in the same space doing our own things when not talking.My husband INFP and ENTP have many longer convos. I join for some of it, mostly morning conversations with coffee/tea. Often these go on for hours and second and third cups are brewed.

My brother will usually initiate the texting when he has something interesting to share, that he’s come upon via media. I like this sort of relationship. I don’t do well having to maintain relationships with any regularity. I am more enthusiastic about seeing people now and again and just picking up where we left off.


#4

I think the closest thing I’ve had to an ENTP “friend”, which was also the only ENTP I’ve ever met in person (that I know of) was one of my old students, who always got foisted off on me because nobody else wanted to deal with him. I think he liked me mostly because I wasn’t bothered by his nonstop talking and what the other teachers saw as mouthing off. Like this kid was “in trouble” on a daily basis. Which was so weird to me, because I thought he was one of the easiest kids to deal with - I could just give him a pencil and paper and he would just sit there and write/draw for hours and talk talk talk and I didn’t even have to listen, so I could get work done. It was a nice change of pace from having to watch any other of the kids, who were mostly “at-risk” with emotional disorders, and I had to watch them every second to make sure they weren’t chopping off their toes or pouring glue out the window or something.

Although I don’t think his mother would have said he was an easy kid, because apparently he nearly burned down their house doing science experiments in the bathroom.

I feel like if an ENTP likes you, insofar as ENTPs like anyone, they just want to tell you/show you all their ideas and show off their achievements. The other day I was with one of my old coworkers giving some of the kids a ride home, and I got to see the ENTP kid and he was very excited to tell me all about his latest comic that he made and his engineering career plans and how he got perfect scores on all his science tests and he wants to show me and “let me show you my science notebook I wrote so many notes!!” He starts rummaging through his bookbag and just like, tossing paper everywhere, and the backseat is covered in paper before he just goes “I LOST MY NOTEBOOK oh well.”

But I thought it was really sweet and cute that he wanted to show it to me.

There is this other ENTP I’ve been Internet Stalking for a while who started up this free online arts platform. I gave her some good advice a while back for the thing she’s running now (which is failing) and ever since then she’s been e-mailing and messaging me offering me discounts to take her courses etc., which I guess means she likes me. The last one she sent me I responded with, “You remind me of that Thoreau quote, ‘Men lead lives of quiet desperation’, except you’re like a bizarro version of this, woman leading life of very, very noisy desperation.”

What I like about ENTPs is they don’t get offended by this type of thing; she just laughed and admitted baldly that she is indeed very desperate. I’ve been getting the impression from her that she wants me to be a part of her Thing because she wants me to bring some value add to her failing business offerings but I’m like, uhhhh in that case shouldn’t you be paying ME to be there lol. At the end of the day I don’t think she cares that much either way, which is nice because that means I won’t feel guilty about saying no.

So overall, I get the impression that ENTPs have as friends people who are maybe useful to them in some way, especially in the sense of having some information/expertise they want but don’t have yet. They also seem like they like having someone around as a sounding board for their ideas.

Anyway I’m still trying to decide if I want to get any closer to this ENTP lady or not. I do want more friends to whom I can openly be like “you are living a life of noisy desperation”. And I know I could be useful to her which is always nice. But it’s like, I know she is really talented at other stuff but my god she is so dumb about this arts thing that it’s like, unsalvageable. And I’m like “ugh if I get involved with her will I have to tell her that her thing is failing and why it’s failing?? ughhhhhh”

So yeah the gist of all this is, as I’m getting to “learn” ENTPs better, one can Be Friends With An ENTP via:

  1. Be useful
  2. Be a good listener
  3. Since they don’t take things personally or mean things personally, you can’t take things personally either.

#5

I am sure I have met many an ENTP in my academic career and have possibly admired them a lot (got a fondness for wit and smarts lol), but I think they always disappear from the radar because they’re usually off doing or saying whatever it is. Too active a lifestyle for me to try to keep up with.

That is to say, I don’t think I’ve ever become official friends with any! Which is too bad, since if Johno is any indication of their general demeanor, they are very fun and funny and generally entertaining even if a disaster.

I also like that I can “yell” at someone like Johno and he will either ignore it (which I then assume that he agrees with me, even if it might actually be that he doesn’t know what to do with the info) or pick out something interesting to him to go off on a tangent with. How nice! Emotional responsibility absolved!


#6

I wish I was but I’m not. I would be or will be in a different lifetime. A friend of mine who connected me originally to the entp in this thread started calling me the Mormon cowboy for zero reasons except I guess that they are Jews who think both cowboys and Mormon are interesting, I don’t know. Lol. Most My Jewish friends take particular interest in my background I think. Never noticed that before.


#7

I was like “what that’s crazy!!” Then I was like "wait who reported this to you, I wonder if my mom would similar describe like all the black marks on the walls around the electrical sockets … But I was just learning about how to like, you know, make Booby traps for snooping sisters and stuff. Not trying to start a fire, and black burn marks aren’t the same as smoke, I don’t think …:.


#8

Definitely keep not getting involved with her and you probably can express the backwards equity arrangement you see with regard to her asking you to pay to be involved. You could say “I want to be involved but it would be backwards for me to pay you.” If I were her id be like “wish I could get her q little involved but I don’t have anything to pay her, and I’m sure she won’t want to do it for free or something .” If you’re interested in what she’s doing propose that she give you 40%, and they she put 40% aside for other hires, and that she keep 20%. Something like that to help her see loud and clear that you like the idea and can help but need her not in control and need her to get clear on the power dynamic.


#9

From what I can see from my boyfriend, he chooses his friends based on whether they are interesting. And then somehow over time they also become useful because he gets them involved in his ideas but to their benefit (this is probably true of me too). Now, for him, interesting means intellectual conversation so most work in the same field he does but don’t live in the same city. They are mainly INTJ and INTP. I am the only INFJ and I don’t think we could ever be just friends.

He has a lot of other useful people he knows but he views them as employee types. For example-his ex was an ISFJ. They were married almost 20 years but he treated her like a child or employee. Very, very generous with her but she needed to stay in her place and do her job, they were not at all friends.

As a side note, he really likes this estp he works with. Admires his ability to figure things out and his brains, initiative, etc. However, the estp somehow confuses him when they discuss theoretical concepts. They don’t communicate clearly and well with each other on work topics (maybe because it is engineering and they see the world from very different points of view) and my boyfriend gets frustrated after a while.


#10

Don’t know how I missed this before, but “nearly burned down the house” made me laugh out loud! My own pet ENTP freely admits to doing this on at least two occasions when he was a boy.

He grew up in a rural NZ town in a typical wooden house, so starting an uncontrolled fire is a really bad idea. Not that it was deliberate arson, he’ll explain, with a cheeky grin plastered all over his ENTP face.

They were just the results of some science “experiments” that got out of control (which is ENTP-speak for “I got distracted by something shiny and forgot all about the fire under the house until we all sat down for dinner and my parents noticed the burning smell and the thick black smoke rising through the floorboards…”)


#11

A lot of my friends are ENTPs.