It’s probably no surprise that I’m not happy in my marriage. But I’m not not happy either. (That’s a lie.) It’s blah. It’s boring. There’s no connection. He’s a great guy. Just not my kinda guy? He’s just a plain ol’ good guy. Or maybe I just want to be alone for a while now? I’m an ENFJ who got married at age 20 and now, 30 is quickly closing in. I think it’s time to break away and start experimenting more with this thing called life.
So, how to go about getting a divorce…
I’m a planner as most women are, so I’ve got it all “figured out”. What makes my situation “easier” is that we don’t have kids. I’ve looked at all of the forms necessary to file and present our case. No need for a lawyer. The process would be quite easy. Sad, but easy. I project getting a divorce next summer. This will be enough time to tie up loose ends with finances and go to marriage counseling. Marriage counseling is more like a formality. It will help to have a third party in the room to “break the news”. Hopefully it will ease some of the pain?
Some people might look at my situation and think - what’s the problem? He’s nice to you, he’s responsible, stable, loves you, is patient with you, laughs with you… all of these good things. I don’t look at this situation like that. It is more a matter of deciding to love myself more than anyone else. It is my life and this is not how I want to spend it. I want to have a time in my life to be alone too. There is too much unexplored. Our life is one timeline. I’ve spent some time here, and now it’s time to move on.
I recently began to dedicate a lot of mental and physical time into wrapping my head around a divorce. I spoke about it openly for the first time with a group of girls I went to school with. It was a big step for me, because I like to portray an image of perfection. And everyone thinks I have a perfect marriage/life. One of them told me, “Erika, if you have to talk yourself into being happy, it’s not worth it.”
So enough about my situation. I want to hear about yours. Have you gotten a divorce before? Know someone who has? Want one, but haven’t made that move yet? And also as it plays into typology - what types are most prone to be unhappy in long-term relationships? What are the types that have an “easy” time leaving? Which types drag their feet?
I know this is a sensitive subject for a lot of people, but believe me, it helps to face it and talk about it.