How would you kill me?


#1

Tell me how you would kill me. I would like to know. And no, “kill with kindness” is not an answer.

It’s a shame Sups isn’t around, he’d probably be the only one that would give me a worthwhile answer.

I’m serious people. I want details. Slow details.


#2

For whatever reason I can’t help but think that I’d kill you by cooking you. The Katy Perry video comes to mind… Bon Appétit Baby! :kiss:


#3

YES! Thank you!!!

So I don’t know what video you’re talking about but…

Would you chop me up? Would you roast me like a pig with an apple in my mouth? Details.


#4

Probably defrost you first, because you’ve been in the freezer for waaaaay too long.


#5

Haha!:scream:


#6

Just watched the video! Yes please! Killing method approved.


#7

Put you in a bowl and trickle some warm water on you… Rinse you off clean and tenderize you. Almost like a meat massage.


#8

I don’t think I’d skin you, you’d probably taste better with it on. I’d most likely pan fry you, making you brown and a little crispy. Have you ever heard of Móle? It’s this Mexican sauce made with chiles, nuts, tomato, seeds, cilantro, onion and garlic. Oh and it has cocoa powder in it too… I’d put your crispy ass in that sauce and let you simmer a bit. Get well introduced to all those ingredients. Once your done and hot. I’d serve you to all the Starlings with some tortillas. :yum:


#9

MMmmm! Sounds delicious!!! And freaking hot…


#10

Glad you enjoyed that! Now I’m hungry.


#11

Ummm… me too.


#12

Lightning bolt from the heavens. Then roll you over with Sisyphus’s boulder. Then freeze you in the Ninth Circle of Hell. Then maybe turn you into molten gold and mix with inferior quality lead. And then sell you to the pawnshop as 100% 24 karat gold.


#13

Hmmm…creative. But…

when do you touch me and feel the life slip from my body?


#14

When I see you shed your last tear and sigh in resignation.


#15

Hmm. That’s pretty hot.


#16

@Ankh, sorry, I wouldn’t be able to kill you. But I love móle, so in the above stated murder simulation I’d play dumb while eating Erika Móle.

“Oh I thought you were joking about the special ingredient being Erika… But this is white meat and I don’t think Erika was Caucasian…so…can I have some more please?”


#17

Pussy.

And, whatchyou talkin bout? I’m Caucasian. I may have a black ass and fake tits. But I’m very white. Oh, are you joking? Yanking my chain? Pulling my leg?


#18

Ok. I guess if I had to kill you…like if you were a danger to society…and/or you called me a pussy… I’d tie you up and make you stand on a bed of burning coal. I’d walk towards you with boots to avoid the hot coal. I’d stab one of your limbs and slap you twice. I’d repeat this process and stab a different limb until you couldn’t stand anymore. I’d calmly step off the hot coal and just watch you. If you tried to roll off the bed of coal I’d just kick you back towards the center. I’d continue you watching you until your legs stopped kicking and you are no longer Caucasian. Your charcoal covered skin then matched your black ass. Then I’d Donate your remains to science. Cause you are such a cool person and I would not let you die in vain.


#19

Beautiful!

Approved! :smiling_imp::fire:


#20

I didn’t want to have to hypothetically kill you. You forced my hand. RIP hypothetical Erika. Never Forget. :pensive: