INFJ and people as therapy


#1

as an INFJ, I find that I can’t really use journals, self-help stuff (like study, classes), therapy - to learn about myself, get through issues, etc. I have to get through issues by having relationships with people. like people assist in my therapy. I can use, for instance, self-help stuff in conjunction with a relationship, BUT have to have that missing piece, a relationship (friend or otherwise).

has anyone experienced the same?


#2

are you 100% sure you’re INFJ?

maybe that’s the first question you might wanna tackle.

but despite whatever type you are, i believe it’s very important to have someone around for some kind of ‘therapeutic’ help.

no man’s an island.

even for INFJ, it’s never good to seclude yourself and be alone with your thought for a long period of time.


#3

Sorry for the late reply, I just saw this. This is pretty true of me also. Learning through relationships with people. Too much introspection is not healthy for INFJs, they need to get out and experience life (which they do through relationships) in order to grow. That’s pretty normal for healthy ones.


#4

what I have found is that I need people AS WELL AS journaling and self-help stuff.

only talking, without first looking at my issues myself, has not gotten me very far in the past, because, to be blunt, people have no fucking clue. without working on stuff with myself first, talking just seemed to make things worse because my Fe was so insecure that I just took everything that people told me at face value and then questioned everything I believed about myself. or rather, I just didn’t have a clue what I actually knew and believed. so I let everyone else tell me what my problems were.

so maybe you should first work on whether you’re INFJ at all. as an INFJ, finding out what your issues are in the first place without being influenced by others’ opinion is the most important part of self-discovery, I think.

or else your Fe will constantly be telling your Ni that you have problems that aren’t actually yours. even with the knowledge of this, I still have “episodes” where I am suddenly inexplicably angry or frustrated just because someone is in the room with me who is angry or frustrated but doesn’t know it themselves, which leads to me calling them out on something completely stupid because I am feeling what they’re feeling, have no clue about it, and Fe needs to Fe. obviously, these things don’t really end well, and I’m usually the one apologizing.

the best approach seems to be to journal out everything I can think of that’s going through my mind, really making an effort to get EVERYTHING out. and believe me, once I commit to especially write down the stuff that starts floating around my conscious mind when I stop writing for a minute and start staring into space, SHIT COMES OUT. (the not-mine stuff is especially important to get out)

and that’s the stuff I eventually need to talk about with someone I trust. aka someone with stable Fi that actually listens. they don’t even need to give me feedback, but the talking out loud does seem to be the very necessary last step to work these things out. when I’m able to talk things over with two people separately, I can completely put whatever it is aside afterwards and not ruminate about it anymore.

yeah, so. journal first, talk all you need to about it second. my opinion.


#5

I remember reading at one point that INFJs tend to have trouble evaluating themselves with the same level of accuracy as they do with others. The article mentioned that we use others as a sounding board; we capture their feelings about things we say and do, and use them to better understand ourselves.

I feel like there is truth to this. When I expose my inner self to others, I evaluate their reactions and feelings to see if they align with my own. I then use what I discover as a means to grow as a person. The key here is that I am also evaluating the other person and their capacity for understanding. If the other person is too pushy or tries to downplay my experiences as something they are not, I begin to lose trust of that individual. Not because I am looking for validation, but because I am looking for the other person to trust me. Why should I trust a person that doesn’t extend the same courtesy?

So, in a sense, maybe you see the clearest view of yourself through the lens of others?

Self help material is only useful as long as it is relatable. Or maybe you are just bored or overwhelmed with too much info, and don’t know how to make it useful. I find that especially when I am stressed, I nitpick and find flaws in the reading material. Either I don’t like the writing style, narrator, or have trouble extracting the relevant information. People are more interactive and interesting. A friend, family member, or partner can break you out of a cycle and give you an outlet to help you drain all the negative energy and frustration.

I think many INFJs get too involved with sensing types that don’t understand them and consistently try to correct and fix them. In my case, certain people of incompatible types make me want to swear off all of humanity (door slam).