INFJ Door Slam


#1

Thoughts on “INFJ Door Slam”… I have people who are a part of my life, people who are not a part of my life, and people who are peripheral acquaintances who will probably never weigh heavily enough in my psyche to be either in or out. This is most people. The lukewarm middle. But once someone has been let into the inner circle and betrayed the sacred bond of friendship, they are OUT. And once you are out it is very, very, very difficult to get back in. Actually, I don’t think anybody ever has. I don’t see it as a punishment, per se. It’s more an acknowledging that the person I thought they were is not the person they actually are. There IS no relationship and WAS no relationship. Therefore, goodbye!

Anyone else out there relate? Thoughts? Do other types do this?

By the way, I vacillate between INFJ and ENFJ as far as my own typing. Or quite possibly I am something else altogether. But I keep coming back to the INFJ… Maybe E/INFJ? Is that even possible?


#2

I mean it’s not unfathomable because the functions are the same just swapped.

I’ve tried hard to not do the door slam thing, but being disappointed in people sucks as well.


#3

Door slams are pretty typical for INFJ. My guess is that it is an Ni-Fi thing since INTJs do it too. I don’t know about ENFJs.

But you can’t really be on the border between ENFJ and INFJ. The dominant function that you use to orient yourself in the world is completely different for the two types. Fe doninant looks very different from Ni dominant and the Id functions are miles apart. I think there are a lot of similarities in relationships they have with people, but the way they internally process the world and motivate themselves are miles apart.


#4

See, this position drives me nuts. Yeah I put people into boxes and all but I always leave room for nuance. E/I in my book is always a sliding scale.


#5

I agree if you are talking about someone’s propensity for using an introverted or extroverted function. For example, some INTJs have a vibrant social life and some hate socialization. Within a type, there is a wide continuum.

But that isn’t what we are talking about in this forum when distinguishing INFJ vs ENFJ. We are talking about which functions (Fi, Ni, Te, etc) a person uses in what order or for what purpose psychologically. That is a completely different thing.


#6

Hmm leaning more towards INFJ now. I feel like Fe is something I developed as life went on and had to learn to use- more of a “pick it up and put it down” sort of thing. I was convinced I was a thinking type actually until about four years ago. But Ni has always been very strong, looking back on life. Always felt like I had a good “read” on people and situations, always searching, always questing, always writing, always questioning, perpetually internally conflicted.


#7

I think I get confused because I put a TREMENDOUS effort into learning to use extroverted feeling the past seven or so years of my life. I often get the feedback that I’m very expressive and extroverted. So it has had me questioning it a bit.


#8

Yeah I’d honestly rather just take a cognitive functions test, but I DO see merit in stack. It’s just the E/I dichotomy that pushes my buttons I suppose.

I mean do people drain you or energize you? What’s your opinion on people in general? For me, I like SOME people, but I lowkey hate people in general. Kicker here is though that I NEED people. I’m also really good at maneuvering them. I envy those hermits that can function perfectly without having contact with a single soul, but I legitimately go crazy if I don’t have another person around. Introvert.


#10

Ask someone who knows you really well to give you feedback about how you act when stressed out or being childish. See if they describe the Ni/Ti loop, or the Fe/Se loop.

Also in determining your auxiliary…does Fe level you up in life? Or does taking focused time to let Ni run free help you reframe your perspectives to make big changes in your life? Which one is your heavy wielding tool and which one is your place of comfort?


#11

I did a little search on Ni/Ti and Fe/Se loops… care to add your own explanation? I think I veer towards Ni/Ti loops when I’m stressed. My friend calls it “spinning.” I over-complicate things and get obsessed with sorting out all the little details in systems, except the systems never work because they never contain all of the possibilities thoroughly. Lots of lists. I become an extreme perfectionist. Existential crises. I tend to feel better if I can vent to somebody, write, move or be creative. But it’s taken a LOT of learning and trial and error to realize this about myself. Sometimes I need simple solutions to my complicated problems and I am usually the one to make them so very complex :slight_smile: I have had to learn to take life less seriously!


#12

Everything you say here sounds like it leads you to infj. Try it out. If improving Fe still doesn’t make sense I would try to take notice ASAP. The reason I suggested you ask people who know you well is because our own perceptions of ourselves can get distorted sometimes.


#13

I actually get together with friends once a week for the sole purpose of giving and sharing feedback with each other about ourselves and life… so I’ve gotten a fair dose of harsh truth! In terms of weaknesses, I usually hear that I complicate things, think too much, and swing to extremes emotionally- heights of ecstasy and depths of despair-although only these close friends would probably know that last part. I am a much better writer than I am a speaker, although good at one-way communication like giving speeches or performances. I often have difficulty trusting myself and finding clarity. I tend to get lost pondering endless possibilities. On the other hand, when I do know something, I KNOW usually instantly and nobody can dissuade me. I also find simple action perplexing-ly difficult and can have addictive/obsessive/compulsive tendencies when I am stressed.


#14

You should go with infj. You should combine it with enneagram and other gadgets or books (ie The Artist’s Way) if direction is the kinda thing your looking for. Mbti alone can throw you in a state of process over action/results loop…especially with infj’s. (Ni/Ti) loop. Unless it’s just for fun… but it never is for us infj’s. Lol.

Also I really enjoy your music. Hopefully you post more.


#15

INFJ is indeed feeling like the best fit. On the enneagram I got 4. And yes, it seems that MBTI alone can lead to endless spirals of navel gazing going nowhere… but sometimes that’s fun, too :slight_smile: But yes, then, nothing is ever just for fun…

Thanks for the compliment! I have more on riversongs.bandcamp.com. They are all rather old… working on putting new stuff up soon!


Whatever you want
#16

That’s pretty much identical to my own experiences, @analoguelife and I’m definitely an INFJ


#17

Just read this later post of yours @analoguelife, and both your self-description and the feedback from your friends amounts to strong evidence for you being an INFJ.

I’m 56, so I’m guessing I’m a lot older than you, but despite investing a great deal of time and money on various self-development projects, when I’m tired or stressed I still tend to overcomplicate everything and find it strangely difficult to initiate direct action in order to deal with real-world problems. And as for addictive/compulsive behaviours, yeah, that too, sadly.