INFJ ESTP Relationship! Opposites attract?


#1

What are your experiences/thoughts on an INFJ/ESTP relationship?? How does each type experience one another and what are the positives and negatives for both people? Can it be two halves of a whole?!


#2

I don’t know if they are complete opposite since they share similar functions, just in different positions:

INFJ______ESTP
Ni _______ Se - dom
Fe ______ Ti — aux
Ti _______ Fe – tert
Se ______ Ni — inf

I think in the end, there is maybe an admiration of one another’s expertise in domains that the other is not polished with, and are refreshed by one another. Maybe until INFJ realizes how simplistic or short-term thinking ESTP can be hahah, and ESTP start feeling like INFJ keeps making everything into a big emotional “thing” and talks gibberish all day.

Maybe the sex is really good though. lol


#3

There was this thread started by an ESTP on their thoughts on the INFJ they know in their lives:

Maybe that will give you more clues into how compatible the two types are!


#4

Thanks! I also wonder why ENTP is the natural mate for INFJ over an ESTP since we do share the same functions just in reverse?


#5

I had the good fortune of spending an entire weekend with an ESTP guy (he had really strong Ni so I’m not sure whether the experience would be similar with a standard ESTP)… I had never met him before… he is the son of someone my dad knows and he came to stay only for the weekend… anyway… here is what I noticed…

They don’t have the self-consciousness of other feeling types and the tertiary Fe makes them warm and comfortable to be around… basically, they are free to pay attention to what you’re saying without taking it personally… and their attention feels good… it doesn’t demand much in return… it’s demands are very in the moment and easy to satisfy…

Ti aux is FUN to be around, especially when it’s fuelled by Se-Ni kinda observations… there is more of a bite to it than ENTP Ti… and I felt like I could let my Ti relax… I was enjoying analysing his inputs instead of trying to explain my own thoughts in a Ti way… basically, he encouraged me to use Fe to communicate instead of Ti and it felt good because he gave Ti-Fe feedback…

The combination of Te id/Ti aux and Fe tertiary gives a lot of mental agility (he knew something about everything and everything about some things)… it also makes for a very gleeful, playful, kind-hearted conman… we literally got free favours everywhere we went because he smooth talked people into liking him… none of it was done with malicious intent… all of it was done with a psychological awareness, which left most people with a smile on their face after they helped us… thats something I would never be able to do… I can give, but not take something in return without feeling like a fool… it felt okay doing that with him…

The dude had really heavy Scorpio and Sagittarius influence… he was super spiritual/well read/broadly travelled/good at reading people… I found his stories very interesting to listen to because they were philosophically and psychologically​ loaded… I did realise that this was the case only because his astrology was forcing his inferior into frequent operation… I probably wouldn’t find all ESTPs as interesting as I found him…

And… I did feel extremely physically drained after the experience… I felt like I had lived the longest two days of my life… he made sooo much happen in 48 hours… I don’t think I would have the energy to put up with it for a longer period of time… and he had an aversion to schedule… like everything just had to happen spontaneously… it gave me mild anxiety a couple of times… like when we had to get to a theatre before the movie started or when he had to get to the airport in time for a flight and he just wouldn’t keep any margin for delay because he got a kick out of the uncertainty…

Also, with Se-Ni there’s a danger of obsessing over a highly focused area of thought, which I surely saw in him… at times, I found his Ni ramblings kinda hypocritical… I mean, it was obvious that he loved Se type stuff and was only fooling himself that he was more spiritual than materialistic…

From his POV… I think he was puzzled by my pessimism… and he got a little annoyed the few times I tried to counter his Ti arguments with my own arguments (to be fair, I was arguing for the sake of being contrarian rather than making an actual point and he saw through it and called it out… but, there was definitely a biased attachment to his own ideas)…

Overall… lot of potential and mutual respect… but in the long run I guess ENTP might be a better bet, only because they are less physically intense and have diffused focus/widening stream of ideas…


#6

Thanks for sharing! My experience w ESTP has beeen really similar in that I feel exhausted but almost in a good way because usually I’m too physically lazy! He has pushed me to get out there more. And I feel like they are more emotional or at least less robotic than ENTPs so I don’t mind their T as much, where with ENTP is just feels a little soul-less. ESTP seems like the most soulful T while still being uplifting which resonates better for me!


#7

Do you love him?


#8

Not yet but I could! Hence me wanting to bring it up to the community. I want to avoid any red flags while I’m still more practical about it lol and not invest too much into something if I know it’s going to be for the worse in the long run!


#9

So basically- no need to sugarcoat just give it to me!


#10

You asked for it, cookie. :cookie:

INFJs and ESTPs are wonderful together.

INFJs and ESTPs are terrible together.

Choose which one to see and stop lying to yourself.


#11

True that… more emotionally forthcoming… easier to talk to…

I explained a little bit of astrology and MBTI to him… He was fascinated, by it and me, and he opened up a little about his actual emotions… it was warm… with an ENTP I don’t think I would have ever brought those things up a day after meeting them… would’ve been worried about being shot down logically… and that shit is close to my heart… anyway, don’t know whether the comfort level was because of type or combination of type and astrology…

If you’re with an ESTP, maybe you should give it a shot? Even if it gets messed up, what is pain but fuel for the fire?

Worst case, I can imagine him wearing you out… or cheating on you if he doesn’t feel like you’re the one…


#12

"with an ENTP I don’t think I would have ever brought those things up a day after meeting them… would’ve been worried about being shot down logically… "

This fear resonates with me. Both ENTPs and ESTPs have their own way of being draining (well, from my / an INFJ perspective). After hanging out for 1 day+ with my ESTP friend, I sleep like a baby for hours and feel like tidying up my room and life. It’s more a physical overwhelm.

My ‘drain’ with ENTPs is of a different nature. It pounds in my head. And I try to nap, but I just won’t fall asleep… Too much input? I’ve been trying to put my finger on what happens exactly but I can’t define it properly… I just know it’s some type of mental overwhelm, not physical like with ESTPs.

Anyway, despite talking negatives, I love both types. Compared to interactions with others (generally speaking) this is the most bearable flavor of post-interaction-drain.


#13

Haha yes!

I used to have an entp teammate and he used to make me soo conscious of myself in a maddening way… my day used to feel so much longer when I used to work with him… each day was a brand new challenge…

Conversations with them are challenging because they force you to use all your top 4 functions in conjunction… it feels like being alive to the full potential of self… but, at the same time, it can get frustrating if the entp is egoistic and derives pleasure out of denying you the satisfaction of knowing your company was enjoyable to them… lol… so it’s important for the entp to be mature and secure about their own Ti/Fe… that’s when they’ll make you feel happy about feeling drained by them… but happy or not… it’s interesting to be around them…


#14

Ugh!!!


#15

That’s exactly it! ESTPS are physically draining even when you’re not in their physical presence. It’s so weird. Where ENTPs definitely give me a headache. But at the same time they are both uplifting and positive and get me out of my INFJ annoying deep mess. I prefer the ESTP drain bc it has more heart and soul, which gives me the comfort of an F without being heavy.

I have a fear of boring them though, and wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I fear them cheating. What about INFJs do ESTPs like or are drawn to anyway?


#16

Hmm probably Ni and Fe? Maybe they like it that we “get” their logic…

I think EXTP love with their logic… if they think it makes sense to commit to a person, they do…

The ESTP I met told me that he once had three girlfriends simultaneously… he justified it saying that everything in life is transitory and nothing really matters unless you want it to matter… according to him, it was okay that he had dated three girls simultaneously, because, when he spent time with any of them, he made sure he was completely present and did all he could to make them happy… they were never sad because of him, and logically, that’s all that mattered… I couldn’t argue with that because he hadn’t actually hurt any of the girls, or atleast, they weren’t aware that they should feel hurt about something… but… he said that if he were married to someone, he wouldn’t think it was right to be with someone else behind their back, because he had a legal responsibility to uphold :stuck_out_tongue:

I think ENTPs are similar… the ones I know have either been in long ass relationships lasting as long as 7 years… or they are flirting with everyone… so… one ENTP I knew literally stopped talking to his friends after he got into a relationship… his theory was that she made him happier than anyone else, so why should he waste his time hanging out with others who did not make him as happy as her? He was completely loyal to her while they were together… but… same ENTP, couple of years later (girl broke his heart and moved on), was having pseudo-romantic relationships with three girls at the same time… he thought it was okay because he wasn’t officially committed to any of them… he knew all of them were interested in serious relationships, but, he chose to play around with all because each one catered to different aspects of his intellect, but none of them satisfied all… haha… EXTP are advocates basically… they will be drawn to you and stay committed to you only if they choose to argue in your favour… this probably changes based on age/maturity and isn’t necessarily true of all EXTPs… you should go with what your gut tells you about him… if you feel like you can trust him it’s probably because he can be trusted :slight_smile:


#17

I think because ESTP tend to say or do whatever comes off the top of their heads, they can ultimately come off really hypocritical. One day the logic was “this” and now it’s “that”. They didn’t mean harm usually, but maybe it occasionally leads to a lot of trouble for selfish reasonings and that’s when a INFJ would throw them out for good. lol
I guess that’s the general red flag. You have to make sure your hard values match, otherwise they may cross it without even thinking about it, or can come up with rather dubious (or stupid) rationalizations that you may not be able to argue with well on a logical level (even if on an ethical level, you’d have higher ground).

It seems like ESTP are rather fascinated with the “deeper” that INFJ can see with a more sophisticated/at-home Ni, and kind of sense it as a spiritual connection and access to an unseen level of the universe. I think while they are so at home with the doing and being in the world, there is a part of them that wonders about the wider meaning and purpose of being alive, and it seems that INFJ have access to some of those answers and weaves and presents them in a very poetic way. I think with Te-id, it’s like “WOW! These INFJ have the answer! If only I too could GRASP IT and DECIPHER IT then the world’s secrets will be UNLOCKED TO ME!!!”.

I think I have an ESTP workmate. He’s fun to talk to and generally bright but you can tell he kinda lack overall depth (but he’s still but a baby at like 22 so maybe that is part of it haha). I like… have to disengage after a few minutes of conversation because I can tell it won’t really go anywhere in conversation that is of interest to me unless I put effort into datamining/digging, but meh… Getting to know my workmates not too important to me as long as everyone gets their job done (and thus are out of my way). But for an INFJ who tends to overthink and overcomplicate, maybe that’s a pretty refreshing way to converse. Maybe ENTP on the other hand will make you forget angst by OVERcomplicating with tangles and red herring Ne. So Simplifying Se-Ti vs Exploding Ne-Ti?

YOU SHOULD JUST GO FOR IT THEN BAIL OUT WHEN/IF GETS BAD LIKE HE WOULD! lol


#18

Exactly!
They have Fi in superego position… so it’s optional for them… they can choose when/if to use it and to what extent… mostly, they don’t use it, because it allows them to get away with stuff without having to pay the price of guilt… and they are really good at spinning logic in their favour… cannot beat them in an argument… if you do, and they’re immature, they’ll just get pissed off and bite somewhere else where it hurts (I had this problem with an entp, not estp, but tendencies might be similar?)…

So, in an infj-extp relationship, it would probably help if the INFJ is not too attached to their Fi id… like, put the deeper feelings/expectations aside and just go with the flow… don’t take things too personally because most of it is made up in the moment… and maybe this is actually a good thing for INFJ :stuck_out_tongue:


#19

Dammit… supernocturnal’s post closed like a minute before i could post this :frowning: so gonna put the comment here… sorry betty :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh and this made me laugh :smiley:

haha… ESTP selfishness doesn’t bother me either… because they are honest about it… i have a problem with people only when they are lying to themselves and trying to get other people to play into their lies…

And… i dont know many ESTP… but the one i met, it seemed like any manipulation on his side was not to harm someone as much as it was to gain something… either for himself or sometimes even for the other person… so its not like a win-loss… its just like a neutral win for him or win-win in some cases… he resorted to deliberately hurting someone only to teach that person a lesson for being selfish in a harmful way… ESTP had anger issues which reminded me of something you said… that you get pissed off when people don’t appreciate/respect something kind you did for them… :stuck_out_tongue:

ENTP selfishness… i understand that too… don’t have a problem with it most of the time… except for one ENTP who i disapprove of with all the fire in my heart (only because this person hurt some people i really really care about really really badly… otherwise i wouldn’t have been bothered by it) :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

This!!! That’s exactly how I feel. Nothing bothers me more than corruption bc I have x-ray vision and it just doesn’t work on me but I respect honesty mixed with good intentions deep down.

@supernocturnal - Do you think if INFJs played harder to get at first we’d have a better chance at winning your favor in that way? Or is it just an unchangeable thing that you’re just not physically into us :slight_smile: I have Mars in Aries in the 8th house so I’m definitely action oriented when it comes specifically to sex. Almost impulsively so when I know there are no long term negative effects, as contradicting as that may sound.