INFJ-INFJ relationships


A thread to share experiences / theories about INFJ-INFJ love (romantic, platonic, friendships…)

I have recently ‘discovered’ this INFJ-INFJ dynamic. Over the last year I have had two romantic connections with INFJ men and it’s been the most intense romantic love I’ve ever experienced. A lot of mutual understanding. Both turned into a bitter sweet thing, ended mostly because of external circumstances.

In the past I was not this drawn to other INFJs, I used to prefer the ESTP rawness or ENTP enthusiasm. But these days… The INFJ men’s grace and implicit rawness… Makes me cry!* It creates a weird loop because it’s mutual. There is this muse-dynamic, where both are the muse and the artist at once. Granted that you need distance and boundaries in that dynamic. Also a lot of time to process the intensity in between meetings. But I think once we get over that / find a way to manage it… Maybe a fellow INFJ can be the solution to our so called soulmate-issue?



Jeff Buckley :heart_eyes: i need to meet an INFJ man in real life!

I’ve had a romantic, but not sexual, relationship with an INFJ female… like you said, it was the most intense love… deep dive… submersion… infinite reflection…

It turned into a mess because of mutual Fi id triggering… we struggled with being honest with each other and sorting our issues out when we should have… exquisite addictive pain is what it was…

Now it has become a very honest and comfortable platonic relationship… I love her to death (:

I know two other INFJ females… one is a very close friend of mine… it’s so easy… hardly need to communicate… everything is just understood… it’s nice to have someone who sees the world through similar lenses… we used to have a ball analysing the characters of all our mutual friends…

INFJ-INFJ seems almost too good to be true :stuck_out_tongue:


Have you guys ever noticed a kind of wariness to interacting with your own type?

I will just copy-paste what Wendy (!) wrote about INFJ x INFJ form the other thread:

INFJs end up hurting each other easily and possibly often. I think it’s because all INFJs have a very simple, raw, babyish aspect (usually carefully hidden) to their core personality, and that part is very tender and very imbecile. And they KNOW it’s imbecile so they’re super touchy about it.

At the same time, a lot of INFJs can’t help but want to poke and tease a bit at other people’s vulnerabilities, which they’re good at sniffing out. So, an INFJ will be poking at another one, thinking they’re just messing around and it’s all in good fun, but to the other INFJ, it is NOT in good fun at ALL and they get very hurt and/or angry.

The only saving grace in such a relationship would be the fact that INFJs are generally good about apologizing if they realize they’re wrong and are usually quick to accept other people’s apologies…IF they feel the person understands what they did wrong and is sincere.

If they think you’re apologizing just as a gesture, or because you want to repair the relationship but that you don’t actually understand WHY they were upset or that you don’t care what they were upset about, they most likely won’t forgive.

I like to call it “circling like crabs” (or maybe scorpions to be more accurate? haha), pincers out, warily seeing how the other will possibly move. I think because you are aware of your own motivations and by proxy, one another’s, it tends to create a mirror effect where you amplify one another’s strengths and weaknesses? Maybe it’s from the Ni haha. INTJ tend to kind of do this to one another too, but more vetting one another based on competence, usefulness, and soundness of rationality.

I also like “gossiping” about the characters and possible futures of everyone in our lives for fun. We like to call it “digging in the muds”, though I think maybe some of our more earnest friends would be horrified to find out this is what we have fun doing.

Questions to INTJ

My wife and I are both INFJs. We’ve been together for 5 years. I discovered the MBTI just couple of months ago and asked her to take several tests, too.
At first I thought “ok, this is some kind of online cult where everyone gets to be this rare INFJ snowflake! What are the odds that we’re both the rarest petsonality type!? Nah…”

But now it all makes sense. She has been more authentic INFJ all along. She saw similar traits in me while I was dismissing them. Even more so, I was often annoyed with her for being herself. I guess this is what therapists call projection - the stuff that annoys you in other people is the stuff you’ve blocked in yourself. It cost me a nightmarish breakdown to start acknowledging that she was holding a mirror in front of me the whole time.

The best and the worst parts of our relationship come from being so alike. We both love solitude and let each other enjoy it alone or with each other :slight_smile: we feel each other’s mood, we know the reasons for it, and find ways to support each other. It often feels like emotional telepathy to me. But if we’re both get sad then it can easily spiral into suicidal

She is my closest friend. We have only one disagreement. She wants kids and I dont. And it tears us both inside a little each day.