Assuming that I’m correct in my assumptions (that I am actually an INFJ), it is very common for me to get sucked into what I’m pretty sure is the Ni-Ti loop. I can’t remember a time in my life where this was not a struggle for me. From my teenage years onward, I was obsessed with perfectionism and productivity despite rarely being able to fight off the urge to procrastinate.
At this point in my life, I’ve started doing a lot of self discovery. One of the biggest discoveries I’ve made is how prone I am to becoming overwhelmed – either by too much sensory input, too much information processing, too much emotion, or too many things on my to-do list. I’ve started to catch on to some of my worst habits; when I am trying to relax and enjoy myself, I can’t stop thinking about all of the [unnecessary] things on my to-do list. Meanwhile, as I am trying to be productive, my mind is daydreaming about all of the things I’d enjoy doing more than the work I’m trying accomplish. As a result, I’m pretty consistently being thrown back and forth between the guilt of slow progress and/or being unaccomplished, while at the same time craving fun, challenging activities. My mind wanders in just about every direction all at the same time, yet I couldn’t tell you a single thought going through my head because it all feels so abstract at times. Then there are these random bursts of limitless motivation and energy that come out of the blue at the least opportune moment, and I can’t take advantage of it because I’m required to be doing something else at the time.
I know Blake suggests getting in touch with Fe to overcome the loop, but I have to admit that I really struggle with this most of the time. Even some of the best forms of creative self expression occasionally feel like chores. Once I get started, I quickly realize that I’m enjoying what I’m doing and the creative juices start to flow … but getting started sometimes seems like the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest. For example, I want to write to take my mind off of things, but I’m too busy getting stressed out while thinking about what I want to write that I don’t write anything. Or I feel like meditating to clear my head, but my mind seems treat it as an opportunity to latch on to every incomplete concept or idea that I’ve had for the past week and branch off of them to come up with more ideas that can be branched off of.
I don’t really have the mental capacity at the moment to summarize everything that’s going through my head … there’s a lot to it. But I’m mostly curious about how others handle the emotional turbulence of getting stuck in the middle of your own opposing mindsets? Is this a common thing for INFJs? Are there tools that you’ve found useful for staying focused or directing your focus?
Most people I talk to don’t really understand what it is I’m having difficulty with and I think I try to cram too many thoughts and emotions into as few words as possible. If I’m going off a little too much in all directions, I apologize. Let me know if there is anything I can expand upon or rephrase to make it easier to understand.