I’ve been hedging around the concept of a MB type moon, in particular, INFJ moon and even more in particular, as a description of some aspect of my psychology. But every time I try to explain why, I start to get more and more technical with my word use instead of just saying what I mean. While this is a fun game that I can play all day as Sun ENTP…
…it is night,
and I intentionally waited for night, to sit in the dark;
to ignore my self-imposed bed time,
to access those theta waves tinged by the chocolate deep bass delta waves
and the encroaching high of sleep deprivation.
I have chosen to forego the use of friendly and hypnotic substances. Not even music was invited to this party.
The two main reasons why I’ve been avoiding entering this headspace are:
- Paranoia that this is INFJ headfuckery to trick people into believing they are INFJs and “datamine” their subjective ramblings to improve their models
Which, whatever. That part isn’t interesting, but what it can cause, and what is the second main reason to justify my avoidance is:
- The blatant trail of pseudo-INFJs, believing they were INFJ, working up the courage to ask Blake for his perception of them, and getting some other type description (seems like many were ENFPs?).
Man, I felt that agony. Like, I literally felt it. I had to stop breathing for a second just to manage the emotional turmoil of resonating with how it must feel to be in that spot. Just…fucking sucks, man.
I mean, it’s one thing if you’re just trying on different personas, and sure, I’ve got that ace in my back pocket, I can just run away on my knight’s tour again. And honestly, I could. Because I’ve been there. I believed wholeheartedly in each of my self-typings because I actually was trying to narrow down the possibilities.
So I had that feeling of all the pieces falling together in a cacophonic prison of the sudden heightening of awareness of self. The stars misaligning. Like, how the fuck did I think I was this type? How was I able to fool myself so perfectly? Why did I fool myself?
Usually around that phase of the emotional progression I remember about my knight’s tour. I remember that MB actually fucking pisses me off. I remember that I don’t subscribe to the basic assumptions of psychology, nor science in general, nor any of this earth’s religions for that matter.
I write my own myths.
And yet I play this game too. And why? I’ll write the secret answer down below…
Yep that’s right.
And invested good money into improving my ability to make (and invest) good money. I get it, money makes the world go round. Money makes money go round. Goods and Services make money go round. Money likes spenders. Finance needs liquidity. Money needs velocity. Money likes to move.
And compound interest.
Well anyway. This millionaire dude from New Zealand bought out the Consulting domain on the internet and started teaching people how to be internet consultants. His stuff was pretty out there, merging capitalistic principles with spiritualism. He taught to not be so compartmentalized and rigid about things that don’t matter. You can be spiritual and philanthropic and humanitarian AND rich. And he is right. You can. Money doesn’t cancel out any of those things. If anything, having money frees you up for spiritual training, energizes your philanthropic endeavors and basically upgrades your ability to shake and move the world. In addition to all that, money is a status symbol. It means something to people. It’s social proof. You are useful. You can get shit done. You know how to strive and have an impact. You are worth paying attention to. You are worth listening to; learning from.
He taught that every consultant needs a niche, and that niche is a reflection of the consultant themselves.
Oh, booooooom. First pitfall for me.
What is my moral stance on “selling myself”?
What is my moral stance on “capitalizing on other’s suffering (exploiting the empathetic connection)”?
What is my moral stance on teaching solutions to problems I haven’t solved for myself yet?
So I started undermining my efforts like this. I failed to define a niche. All I could think about myself was that my niche is
- Cynical, untrusting loners
- Who hate marketing, advertisers and don’t want to pay for something they can get for free
I abandoned the pursuit. Instead I tried a bunch of other things. However, at this time I was still in the military and had been making moves to permanently sever my connection to opportunities therein. I don’t regret it, but I can see that if I had just a bit more heart, just a little more discipline, some fortitude and strength of will - I could have stayed in. I could have benefitted greatly from it. Yet I chose to take the risks and carve my own path instead.
Along the way, I paid more money for a different kind of training. Basically, to improve my ability to close sales. I learned why I’d never be able to sell anything to my niche – cause I cannot empathize with buying the crap I’d sell!
Okay fine, I’ll skip the self-deprecation since that’s definitely more of a Virgo Sun thing, right? And ENTP, I guess.
The point of the story is that consulting is not for me. Wait, the point was to explain why I was trying to narrow down my main type, because it was supposed to help me figure out my niche.
Okay hold on, see, I can’t even remember what past-Me was up to. What did that guy want again?
Okay. I remember now. This is a topic I also didn’t want to get into because it sure fucking sounds like I’m here to sell something but I’m not. For the general edification of readers and posterity, if you want to make money by offering something to a community of some sort, going MONEY MONEY MONEY is not a good strategy. Makes sense, right? It turns people off.
That was the underlying motivation. The overarching motivation is something I described at some point in my self-introductory thread, which is synthesizing models. Yeah, that’s basically it. Synthesizing models. I was gonna synthesize models of psychology and then run tests over time, but discovering Stellar Maze seems to have short-cutted that process for me by 99%.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I don’t really know what the percent would be. But it is significant. That’s for sure. The fact that it solved multiple MB discrepancies I had and simultaneously bridged me into Astrology is a godsend. A gift from the heavens.
I think it saved me about a decade’s worth of experimentation. That feels fair. I think that’s a realistic estimation. Not only this, but consulting with Blake, getting a feedback on my type within this system - indispensable.
Do you know how much shit I still need to learn? I’m near 27 years of age. That gives me, maayyyyybe 1.5 years of neurological plasticity to take advantage of, before I have to start making real moves in life. Yeah, and thanks to our education system which prolongs neurological maturation by cocooning us in … whatever you call the public education system. The point is, it gave me more time to figure some stuff out.
For example, is civilization going to collapse? I need to know this, to plan accordingly. I don’t mind so much, either way, I just need to know how to prepare. It seems there’s plenty of money in computers, with emphasis on virtual modeling and 3D printing (precursor to atomically-precise nanosystems that are productive of other nanosystem at nanoscale) and creating custom computer hardware, custom software and custom computing environments like they used to do back in the day.
Or so I’m told. I obviously am far too young to know how it was before, it’s all hearsay. Which, leads me into a tangential problem. What about history? For historical analysis to have any value requires the more basic assumption that people are telling the truth, or leaving truthful evidence behind. As though politics are not a fact of human life? And politics. What’s my political stance? I don’t know yet because I’m still articulating my philosophy of existence.
Sagittarius Rising, right? Ni and Ne, or the latter degrees Ne: and I’m topic hopping. And talking about my own personal philosophy. My lens on life, eh?
Returning to the example, if civilization collapses I’m going to need a different set of skills and priorities from, let’s say, entering an Aquarian Golden Age of Genius, Technology, Abundance and Brotherhood. Which, well shit, I’ve got Saturn in Aquarius, how nice! And oh look, what timing. What syncroniceteh. My Saturn return.
So let’s say civilization collapses, eh? Survival skills would be more important than computer programming skills, but social skills would be useful in either event. So getting these kinds of shortcuts to my learning process are so good. So, so good. Because it prepares me for any eventuality.
This type of mental model is exactly the kind I look for, and collect. The kinds that prepare me for any eventuality while narrowing down the scope of possibility towards some kind of practical, fruitful action. These are the ones I’m synthesizing, and personality typology is merely a facet of social comprehension.
Alrighty. Well my energy has shifted since the commentaries so I’m adding a line, but continuing on. Hopefully nothing is confusing and my apologies for misunderstandings.
Some of these other models I’m looking at include cryptography and blockchain technology. I may or may not have backend info on how the bitcoin encryption algorithm works, and might just be braindead enough to learn how to reverse engineer it (potentially developing an intuition for decoding private keys) which, all in all, would make me a liability to the entire system and put me square in an ethical dilemma I’d rather avoid.
So when I realized what information I was learning I put that project on an indefinite pause and moved along. Part of me still imagines there will be a use for individual cryptocurrencies, and there’s this other forum that I can see is generating one from scratch but I’ve done a great job of alienating myself from those folks such that I would honestly just forget about the money if it meant I would never talk to them again. Except that I learned some useful shit from them so I get memories of them from time to time.
But man, this is definitely the ENTP side of things, it seems I really feel I’d rather avoid getting into feelings? Ughhhh I dread this project
It figures that right when I’ve gotten emotionally regulated again, I decide is a good time to go against my own schedule. It’s like one part of me says to another, “why are you doing this to me, man?”
To be honest, I think sometimes I’m pretty psychopathic towards myself. Maybe it’s Pluto in Scorpio. I mean, that’s all Millenials, right? But fuck me, why’d it have to be 11th house?
But I’ve been thinking. My Pluto squares Chiron. Maybe I can learn to be kinder to myself. And somehow, this will help others. Maybe Chiron is the planet (asteroid?) of Niches for Consultants. Or hold up. Square is not the go to. Yeah see, this is what I do to myself. I see squares and hard aspects and I’m like “fuck yeah, problems to solve baby. I’m going to solve these first, ignore all my more useful pathways, dismiss and discount my talents, I need to work on this right angle between Lord of the Dead and a…um, Centaur”.
But that’s the mentality of business. You solve a problem, you package a solution. You sell the solution. You obtain data. You refine the package. You get better results. You mass produce the solution and scale up from there.
So of course I see Chiron, “wounded healer”, literally the archetype of the consultant in this particular kind of business model, healing their self and selling the medicine learnt. And Pluto in Scorpio would map the niche to Millenials, the fucking freaks, to teach them to care for themselves a little more? What the hell kind of business model is that.
How about everybody just grow the fuck up and eat bitter.
Alright so there’s that. I’m fucking sleepy. I’m going to sleep.