I have strong codependent tendencies which lead to a major crisis in my late 20s. I was being taken advantage of by my former best friend, we had bought an apartment together as neither could have afforded to on our own. But within weeks of moving in, she caught some nasty virus and was sick for weeks. She never fully recovered and was eventually diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Skip ahead three years and my situation had become intolerable. The housing market had collapsed in the late 80s so our flat was worth half what we paid. At the same time interest rates had soared so the mortgage repayments had doubled. And my friend had not worked since her illness so could not pay her share of the mortgage.
I was working two jobs just to keep up with the mortgage plus doing all the shopping, cleaning etc as she claimed to be disabled. But was she grateful? Hell, no! All she did was sit on her lazy ass all day and criticise me for not doing enough (as apparently I was also supposed to spend what little free time I had listening to her tales of woe and meekly offering her my condolences on her misfortune…)
By then I couldn’t stand the bitch and spent as little time in her company as possible! But I was still working myself into exhaustion for someone who didn’t give a shit about me.
Anyhow, I knew something must be askew with my own behaviour to have gotten into this nightmare and thanks to my dad found out about codependency. He’s a recovered alcoholic and during his drinking years I was in my teens and had to become the responsible adult to support Mum and look after my younger brother. Thankfully we pulled through as a family, but experiences like this invariably lead to emotional wounding to the affected children. So I had unknowingly been set up to play the “heroic rescuer” role whenever a friend or relative was hurt or troubled. Fe as a function is prone to this role too, especially in the auxiliary position.