So, it starts!
Having had a weird conversation with a Co-worker earlier where I felt impeded trying to convey my thoughts and being seen as ‘angry’ left me wanting to try, again, to find a place that may understand. In any event…
I suppose i’ll start off with the outline posted at start before falling into my Essay-esque writing format. In person, as most 'INFJ’s are wont to be - i’m far more ‘less’ wordy unless I start feeling comfortable…though I tend to break this trend in the last few months only because I have a very aggressive demeanor as well that is finally not being subjugated by my own ‘fear mongering’ antics. It also clears out people who I can’t really deal with - apparently being emotionally intelligent and ‘Real’ is terrifying i’ve experienced with my past ‘situations’.
Haha…and a primary reason I have a hard time dealing with most forums and websites in the same vein. I don’t really coddle much in the overly ‘feeling’ way, despite being overly emotional. I USED too…but I analyze and feel up all portents now a days for the best reaction on my part. I just have a horrendous understanding of quite a few of my functional stacks to the point I can ‘personify’ the imagery behind them in my head to ‘relate’. But i’ll probably banter on about that somewhere - its hopefully not something so ‘out there’ but it helps me since I am a Natural Born Artist and the symbolic nature of my Art now a days pretty much broadsides much of my thought processing. This is hard to relate with for most and I try not to go on about it much; but I have charisma so it works out in the ‘Out there’ with people. It gets me in trouble however - most Sensors go off looks and I tend to get unwanted attention when i’m playing off the Chameleon Aspect.
For the below with Astrology, I took a few Natal Charts and received for the most part the same outcomes. I cannot say my birth time was correct - so, Accordingly I will look into it later if this keeps up with my interests. I will concede I do not know a helluva lot about Astrological workings; but its something of Interest as i’m quite big on Jungian Philosophies and Psychologies and I know in some facets they play a roll.
I can very much say, 100%, I am very much extremely Fiery in spirit. So, it works out creepily all three fall in the same vein. Perhaps that is why I have such issues with people on some level; mostly in Relationships. I was a very wild and unruly child - but also overly sensitive and shy. My adult form has gone through far too many changes and its finally hit that space where its ‘coming together’. I think some of the articles I ran across really hit the nail on the head…as such, another reason I wanted to check up on this place.
I’m in a fairly restless mood as of late after another ‘falling out’ in the Real World (ha.) with someone I let into my deeper vestibules… I suppose i’m looking for a deeper understanding since I can rarely really ascribe to it outwardly.
In any event, I’ve run across this website before - a year ago actually where I first started meddling in the course of the ‘fabled’ MBTI after one of the largest catalysts i’ve had shake the foundations of my Oh, so, Illustrious life. I had taken enough tests (paid and non) but the jurisdiction of actually dreaming what I saw as my Mind reacting rather harshly to my incessant questioning really nailed the coffin shut as to what I ‘am’ as far as the ‘tests’ go. I’ve had people tell me otherwise due to my personality being quite proactive and ‘extroverted’ - but the misunderstanding of introversion and extroversion is quite the thing in current culture. It isn’t easy, however. I am definitely very introverted and pay for it if I don’t ‘rest’.
•Illustrative - line/ink work of a symbolic nature now a days but I can use any medium if I want. I learn very quickly when it respectfully deals with imagery in that nature.
I adore the articles speaking of spilling Art madly, in my own words, i’ve read here recently. I know for the longest of times I was keeping much of it at bay - and I was slowly getting more and more bogged down by the imagery that relays itself through most music I listen too. For me, the music and art flow with some of the most beautiful imagery - I have far too many ideas and, sadly, have based some down to not create due to the ‘perfectionism’ and it not ‘being understood’.
It was easier when I drew fan art and comic works - but in my youth my wild abandon of animals and fictional beings was my main stay. I’m finally break those back out - and even if they are not understood on the symbolic level i’m putting out, I know people enjoy them. Enough. I think my Unicorns bleeding out tend to make some people question things; but meh. I try to convey the meaning - they atleast respect the artistry. I’ll be sure to post a few images…
Lots of Unicorns in my art - as cliché as it my be considering what they amount to in modern culture and the stereotype of the INFJ in general - but I loved them as a child and wanted one so badly for years and years. I think now after that fall out I had at the tail end of 2015 that literally turned my World upside and seek my Self within; I finally realized what the Unicorn actually meant to me. Talk about finding the thing you wanted most in the beginning of Life in the most dark of places to bring about Change in a weary Heart.
I just again, really found those articles about Fi and Fe enlightening. I never thought about it that way and like to think i’m actually well versed in my Shadow functions to a degree (of course not fully, I am not a God) but it definitely made perfect sense…the less art I created (and this went on for years), the more addled I became. I sadly fell sway to feeling bad for my gift in one very emotionally traumatizing Relationship, so that put me out for quite sometime.
I need work with depth; and the need to convey it is starting to really eat at me; its pretty intense. Haha… Anyway…
•Socializing - Gasp. For some reason i’ve noticed this seems to be a ‘no, no’ in many a forum since most like to adore the whole ‘hiding away’ mentality. I’m not here to judge, despite how discerning I sound, but I cannot do it after doing so for so long and knowing it hindered my progression. I just see it as a means for most to ‘stay in the dark’ - and having a highly attuned ‘Feeling’ towards the ‘Natural Order’ of things in my Inner Worlds…its something I lament.
I do enjoy going out with friends and colleagues more so then I did in the days of yore- my old days with ‘vidya gaems’ and latched to my computer and staying inside left me very wanting…and now I want the real human experience.
Sometimes I forget I need to ‘recharge’ and thus, it can lead to varying degrees of tumultuous emotions on my end…I am Fire after all. In my youth I didn’t understand this and would become insanely aggressive and unhinged. Now a days under stress I comprehend it, start to use as much mindfulness as I can to discern and regulate the situation and back right the hell out to garner much needed alone time. I am way to familiar and knowing of my deeper ‘instincts’ and will not let myself get to that point out of habit. I don’t joke when I tell people i’m a monster. No one believes it. I kills me sometimes but alas; humanity. Ah…
• Working Out/Walking/Etc - I’ve been bad about this lately, but, I do work out at the YMCA closest to my work place and it does help me focus on my thoughts and ‘imagine’. Gotta love getting lost to music and disappearing into those imaginary worlds. There is a large park I like to walk around near by - so, getting lost in nature is a thing. I want to go hiking at some point as well.
I also just want to be healthier for myself - during the aforementioned days of my Gamer times et al - I weighed about 300 lbs. During 2009 something snapped in my married years when my Ex husband deployed and I just went with ‘a feeling’ that helped me drop over half of my weight in the span of a year. I never want to go back to that frame - and I know it was mostly due to escapism from life in general. I have to watch how I word that around some of my friends since many like to take things to Heart. My experiences have definitely shaped who I am at this point…and I can be, openly, crude when I see the same Sad mentality in those close to me.
•Cooking - I like to cook - though not as much when i’m by my lonesome.
•Reading - I have an arsenal of books - mostly a library of Jung and many other Jungian Analysts. Others that deal with Stoicism and other Philosophical meanderings and random ‘Self Help’ books to make one think. And of course art books, some fantasy novels, etc. Also, Graphic Novels. Blacksad is by far one of my favorites and I definitely suggest it to anyone and everyone.
I do need to read these things at some point…I have a terrible time putting my time management in gear.
GMHBC Manager at Safeway; yeah, Boy! Graveyard. I make a lot of time to deal with the day walkers, however. Haha…
This is a loaded question. Art and music - music by far there are many songs…but only a few artists strike a chord where all their songs grasp the tendrils of my thoughts. Yeee…
Artists: William Stout, Terryl Whitlatch, Alessandro Barbucci, Juanjo Guarnido, Don Bluth, Alphonse Mucha, etc
Musicians: Florence+The Machine, PVRIS, Broods, Mumford and Sons, Asleep at Last, 30 Seconds to Mars, Halsey, Sia, AWOLNATION, One Republic, In This Moment, Bleachers, Walk the Moon, Grizfolk, Flor, Snow Patrol…the list goes on, and on, and on…
The Last Unicorn. Peter S Beagle
-Goal in life
To be Happy. Complete. Whole. As Jung puts it, “I’d rather be Whole, than Good.”
- ‘What they like about this forum.’
So far, its the articles. I only just started to look around so; between my time management being garbage it’ll be back and forth but so far, it seems alright. I am terrible with forums, however, to be quite honest.
Far too many…but, here are the major ones besides the one listed above with the ‘Goal’. Most are Jungian in nature. He means a lot to me - finding him out saved my Life, as dramatic as it sounds.
“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
“A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.”
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”
“A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
Carl G. Jung
“Every Act of Creation is first an act of destruction.” Pablo Picasso
“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”
“All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
“It is madness for sheep to talk peace with a wolf.” Thomas Fuller
…And I think that is enough for now.
Wanting to be subjectively ‘Real’ and ‘Human’. Blundering about and forcing myself to deal with many new social situations and talking with strangers helps me where I stagnated myself. Its quite the experience; haha…
Also; Depth and Analytical Psychology.
Red. Black is something I wear predominantly; but of course…isn’t actually a color so - there is that. I have an affinity with the symbolism for blood so - Red is a thing since I was a kid.
“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to the light” — Milton