mbti type that makes the best spouse/husband


#1

I have this theory that the perfect husband would be someone who could use both Te and Fe. Te to organize and get things done and Fe to be both patient and romantic.

This is obviously not possible because there is no type who has both in their main stack. But that is why the perfect partner doesn’t exist anyway.

But I vouch to say that Te users often find out they need a little more Fe in their relationships. Similarly, a lot of Fe users often find out they need a little more Te in their relationships.

Just like Blake says, INFJs need Te minimums to make things happen for their partners. Flipside, INTJs need Fe minimums to resist the urge to optimize everything for their partners.

You might disagree with me and say “Are you saying users who don’t have Te or Fe as their dominant or secondary function make terrible lovers or spouses?” Not necessarily, that would mean the INTP, ENTP, INFP, ENFP, ISTP, ESFP, ISFP, and ESTP are all terrible spouses. That can’t be true, the divorce rate would be terribly high. But these types can often combine functions to generate the same effect. An ENTP can put Ne and Ti together to generate the effect of Te. After that, they just need to develop their Fe and boom, they are just as good of a partner.

I guess what I’m saying is, when it comes to a real relationship, there are two fundamental parts I’ve noticed that make it flourish. Reliability (Te) and romance, patience (Fe). Reliability builds trust because you never have to worry about your partner being late, financially unstable, or forgetting important things. Romance obviously keeps the spark going. And patience builds tolerance for the parts of us that aren’t so pretty. We all have our bad sides and moments and need someone who is patient enough to accept those things. Feeling completely accepted is a good feeling.

Thoughts?


#2

Hm, I think you’re combining two separate things here. A good spouse does not necessarily make a good partner and vice versa. But that’s my opinion. Also, it may be an old opinion. So, I’m not sure what I think exactly, but there’s a thought to think on while I think about my thoughts.

I can appreciate the parallels you made with the functions and qualities.

Also, um, I don’t believe you introduced yourself? Can you go do that so I can judge you accordingly? lol :flushed: :merperson: wtf - can you belive that the mermaid is titled ‘merperson’. Lord have mercy!


#3

I think:
a ghost that does the laundry and occasionally materializes when I want social companionship or sexual favors.


#4

I think relationships, especially something as serious as marriage, is way more complicated than theoretical type prescriptions. Individuals of certain types may be more likely to fit than individuals of other types, but it doesn’t mean the “right one” is going to definitely follow that pattern.


#5

Sure, reading about theoretical bike riding is not at all the same thing as getting out there and pedaling.

Anyway, reliable, patient, makes you feel special and accepted. Sounds like these idealized partner traits are similar to idealized parental traits.


#6

@nirdre

Definitely agree! The fit is always most important above all else.

I guess what I meant was not necessarily “If they do x, then they are a perfect fit for you and you can love them forever with never ending attraction”.

I think what I was getting more at was the meaning of “relationship” itself. Not the spouse or partner. Because from what I’ve seen, the most sustainable relationships are the one that are built on these traits. And then there are other relationships I’ve seen, built on pure attraction, aesthetic, and adventure, that seem to just die out and turn into contempt. Because the less you do in a relationship for your partner (via Te or Fe depending on what kind of slant you are going for), the more I notice it’s easier to hate the person if all your relationship is built on is just attraction, aesthetic, and adventure or anything else that doesn’t require a whole lot of effort. Puppy love vs real love and all that jazz


#7

Oh, ok, I see what you’re saying now. But I think Fi/Ti can have those traits too. I’m not even sure that Fe is the romantic function. Didn’t @Blake link that to Fi? Fe is probably more conventionally romantic, and Fi more idealistically romantic. But some people definitely would take the latter over the former.

Ti can be relied on to consistently problem-solve and troubleshoot, and stays in the process of investigation more than Te. Some people might find that reassuring. And I think it might be more likely to want to improve the relationship over time, whereas Te is more about maintenance.

But yeah, looking at the married/practically-married couples I know, there is some sort of division of “Fe-tasks” and “Te-tasks” with the more F-oriented person taking on the Fe-tasks whether they use Fe or Fi, and same with the more T-oriented person with Te-tasks.

You know, this might give me some insight into why my relationship with (heavily Ne-Fe looping) ENTP-ex collapsed. I felt like he wanted to take on the Fe areas (via Ne) and for me to take on the Te areas, which you can imagine how that might go for an INFJ. In the end, I felt like I had to take on both F and T tasks, and then I was like “why am I even in this relationship if I’m just doing everything myself?”

Well, the division goes much more nicely with my current INTJ. If anything, it forces both of us to actively use our auxiliary more than we might be inclined to by ourselves, because the other person is so bad at it! And our longterm friendship (plus my knowledge of MBTI, for me) allows us to appreciate that about each other, rather than going “why can’t you be more like me!” No, please don’t be more like me, at least not in those areas.

I think having some kind of similarity in values is important too though, as a basis. That will also vary from person to person. For me, I think I would have a hard time with anyone that is not an N-dominant (non-INFJ) longterm. I’ve also noticed some judging-dominants, especially introverted ones, preferring other judging-doms, but the F/T preference doesn’t have to match. Like, I know one INFP/ISTP couple, and another ISFP/INTP couple, and I’m like “how does that even work???” They’ve both been together for awhile though, so something’s working. I mean, I guess an ISTJ and myself could roleplay being in a relationship, but I can’t see how I would get that much personal satisfaction out of that for very long.


#8

@nirdre

I honestly think either feeling function is the romantic function. Like if Fi is a romantic function, do not forget that Fi is introverted. So an Fi user, like the INFP, would have to find a way to externalize their romantic feelings like through Ne. Why? Because love needs to be shown and proven to our partners. Like an INFP could have very strong feelings about their spouse, but if their spouse is not a mind-reader, then they will never know or be reminded unless the INFP externalizes some act of love towards them. Fe is usually more noticeable, because it’s extraverted. So when I talk about that Fe-Te combination, all I’m really saying is that its basically readily out there for display for your spouse to recognize and appreciate

And yeah, there are definitely some couples out there like your INFP/ISTP couple who just make you scratch your head and wonder how it even works. I guess there exists the possibility of couples who don’t fit each other really well, but have thoroughly built up and maintained their relationship to last so long. Sometimes it just has a funny way of working out like so.


#9

The divorce rate is high. It’s Over 60%. People see that as 6/10. I see that everybody is going to get divorced at least once and 20% of will that will divorce twice.


#10

Well, don’t give up just because you don’t understand the math.


#11

My math is correct sir. You have 10 couples . 60% is the rate. Naturally a simple person would thInk 6 out of 10 couples would be a 60 % marker. But what if all 10 couples got divorced…and then they all got married agin. Now the divorce rate is 50%. Then in order to reach the 60% ratio, 2 couples of the remarried ten equals a whopping 60%
It’s like I’m a Geneva in a bottle baby and you just rubbed me the right way.


#12

This dude has to be trolling


#13

‘tis beyond my rum-addled capacities,
must be an INTP.


#14

How astute. I’m not trolling. I joined recently. I have bouts of nonsomnia. My original message I cannot recall, yet I’m still right.