If I allow myself my sloppiness and my run on sentences that look like the house that jack built, and when getting hold of my intent can be like trying to round up cats… and if I put my trust in you guys to know my intent is not to insult or disrespect-- because when I’m direct, I always feel I am risking that [though there is also a part of me that wants to push/cross boundaries, the part that relates to ENTP’s and I think you know it when you see it], and yet it often seems to be I can either be genuinely me [with ouch and fuck what are you talking about? potential] or the Fe that is focused on others and requires paying a lot of attention to who I am talking to [ that drains energy].
If I allow myself to forgo the Fe that is protective and avoidant, then it is pretty easy and not very tiring.
I have known you long enough that I feel mostly safe with forgoing some of the draining Fe for expressive Fe and not worry you’ll search out my stumbles and take offense.
I know it is my cross to bear. Done right, it is not fake and I do care, and I try, so in that sense it’s not fake, but when there is no energy, no desire, that feels awful, feels fake. It feels fake when I make myself do it when I should not be. Like it is hard to allow myself to forgo the alleviating Fe and when I just can’t and go hide… this makes me think of the Rising. Vile bitch. I can’t even stomach her right now. Shit eating grin or shame, take your pick.
When Fe used carelessly, yes. And sometimes used at all. Ni needs alone. Quiet. Not bothered.
The id… I’m finding is best expressed via my story. Like Te-ing at other people, having my id run loose is also not helpful. It needs parameters and a more indirect expression. Or direct but suffused, not directed at someone but at people? Shit.
So very, very, very tricky. Tightrope walking.
Like I said, my ship is a wreck. I’m surprised it is still floating. It’s definitely listing. The bilge is worrisome.
Yes, probably. I don’t know, everyone has their trials with low functions, like you said. Just makes different things more difficult. But having trouble staying in the moment, being in the moment and providing the necessary moments, yeah. Appointments are ughhh! Te-ing junk mail and paperwork is ughhh! Dotted lines and spotted T’s. Red tape.