Of course I must dress for the male gaze, right? WRONG


So I know I’m not supposed to post because I’m on a hiatus but I am so angry right now and there’s no one I can really talk to about this because I don’t tell anyone in real life how conservative my family is…I prefer to pretend I don’t have a screwy relationship with my parents…

Anyway there’s a formal gala coming up that I’m attending and my mother asked me what I was going to wear…well I was going to wear a long dress with a low neckline and bare back…something like this (without that skin colored fabric thing in the middle):

I was going to accessorize with a choker…I thought the fact that the dress was floor length would balance out the sexiness of the top and I wanted to feel powerful and alluring for one night you know?? Explore that enfj magnetism…

Well my mother just spent half an hour saying that only prostitutes and people who would sell themselves would wear that and I would lose respect of everyone if I wore it…as a good girl who was naive about the real world I of course cannot be caught dead in something remotely daring…because I have to be TRUE to MYSELF.


How have you guys dealt with similar problems??


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I think most of us ladies have dealt with some sort of tut-tutting from parents. Either by showing TOO much or not being “girly” enough. lol

I think in a formal gala, it might be hard to get away with such a plunge for most people. You will turn heads for sure, and there are many people who do not appreciate this kinda of “attention grabbing” nature in others. Maybe your mother is one of those people… I think it’s funny you imply that maybe your mother doesn’t really know who you are. Maybe the years of all the “good girl” imagery has you boxed in a little and you’re ready to break out!

I think if you are thin like the model and aren’t that too endowed with breastage, you will come off more clean and classy. Maybe model it for your mom (or us! :0) if you can. I wouldn’t be able to get away with it without looking sloppy, for example, since I don’t have a “neat” body haha.


Why’d you get mad? It’s fun to do things your parents don’t approve of and if you don’t tell them about it you can maintain family harmony and their perspective that you’re a naive “good girl” becomes secretly amusing rather than frustrating. That’s what I did in my younger days. More rebellious types might tell her to F off and mean it, probably a Fe dom thing to want or expect consensus or approval from everyone in your life.

Like Prax said that dress does work best for a specific body type- as well as the right attitude. I agree with you, long skirt balances the top and gives it class. You’ll get some attention in it- both negative and positive including possible cattiness from women and sleaziness from guys. I think you should wear what you like and have fun, but if you can’t shake off some negativity then being daring may indeed not be true to yourself.


Okay, what kind of gala is this? What is it for? The dress definitely depends on the occasion.

And be careful, cookie. I am on your mom’s side… depending. Especially with the choker idear. Oh lordy! No matter what the occasion, do not wear a choker with THIS dress…phew!

But if you would rebel and wear something like this, I would suggest no necklaces. Leave that area bare. Maybe some small drop earrings. And leave your hair down, but keep it all pulled to one side. With a dress with such a statement, you want it to do the talking. And if you wear something like this that doesn’t have the mesh insert, oh lord, you better be hyper aware of your movements or that thing better be skin tight on top. One moment of hunched shoulders or sitting could cause major nip slip. Might need to invest in pasties.

Goodness, me! Bare back and deep-v front!?!?! You must have ballz girlfriend. I need to know what the gala is for to make any other suggestions or assumptions.

Oh, and I’ve never had an issue like this because I was practically out of the house at 18 and what momma and daddy didn’t know, didn’t hurt them.

Yikes, this must be a dangerous age for women ENFJ type 3 thingies. Let me think…yep! One ENFJ to another - be careful. I know you want to storm into wherever you’re going and have all the men want you and all the women hate you, but there is a time and a place.

How bout this? This says classy and sexy. Open back. Black. Your blonde hair will look lovely… Red lips, red nails. Boom, done. Simple, yet sophisticated. Classy, yet sexy. It says, “I am in control of my sexuality and my career.” It says, “I am strong.”


I’m curious. Are you upset because it was your mother who held this position? Or is it the position that irritates you?

Personally I think you should do whatever you want. But, the caveat is, everyone else is entitled to same right. Including the right to cast a judgement on you based on your attire. Is it the best way to judge someone? Probably not. Doesn’t stop the majority of people from doing it though. Plus if you’re doing to do something daring, you should expect negative responses. However, if it upsets you because it was your Mom who said it. Then I feel ya. It’s frustrating when it’s someone you love and they don’t understand.

But ENFJs are extremely creative with allure. Maybe these restraints to tone down will have a bigger appeal? Like the dress Erika posted.


Make sure you know bout style by consulting with friends and the stylish ladies here…then do it! This conflict with your parents? Have you not gone through the teenage rebellion years? No prob…start now! Rebel! Not just for the sake of it…If you let parents prevent you from aligning your desires with actuality you will become passive aggressive with everyone and hold a grudge against your parents…and you’ll never learn how to stand up for yourself. In the long run you’re doing your parents a favor. Definitely rebel against your parents do not rebel against a natural growth stage.

Here’s some motivation.


My mother is a type 3 ENFJ and was known to be a real style-queen gettin’ all the guys 24/7. And her motto was to NEVER be excessive. Don’t wear overt makeup. Don’t wear overly sexy clothes. It was always about taste. And yes, she’d add something bold and really out-there (like the ENFJ she is) but again, in taste…Hence looking elegant and charismatic, yet very unique and fashion-forward. Personally I don’t find your potential dress very tasteful in my eyes, but don’t get me wrong. In the end, I don’t know how you’d look like wearing the dress. Maybe it’ll look really good on you and not cheap at all…It’s all about how you pull it off…But if something doesn’t feel right with the dress on you, ditch it…I never liked those guys/girls walking around in night showing a lot of skin and dressing overtly sexy - mostly because they can’t pull it off (not because of their body…it’s just this something else when the clothes and the energy of the person harmonize) so they just look really cheap and terrible. Like adding a ton of spices/salt/sugar to food without paying attention to the craft of food. Wow, I sound really pretentious and maybe people would hate me after seeing this post…But that’s just my 2 cents.

I like what Erika suggested. I think ENFJs would look absolutely stunning wearing something classy with just the perfect dash of sexy. You guys are not cheap. You’re noble, charismatic, and stunning in your own right…Trying to look excessively sexy really isn’t necessary.


Agreed! We have something different going for us. A sort of magnetism. Even when we stink, we attract flies.

BAH! I was trying to find a quote I saw a while ago about women being seen vs. being remembered. I can’t find it.

Yeah, I was gonna say, @iamrl: all this feedback on this thread about “yay rebelling”…after a certain age, you’re kinda past rebelling against your parents. So maybe this is a turning point for you, real. Fork in the road of sorts. Be patient, I know it’s hard.


the dress you posted is really pretty. if you are not too busty especially, this could look really glam. but definitely attention getting with a side peek into the boobies. heck i’d probably be looking tbh:) the visual can be quite overwhelming. you didn’t post the actual dress so i actually think even a slight change in cut down the middle changes the answer!

you should feel free to go look the stunner for everyone to look at! if this venue is not the one, there must be a venue for this!!

if i had the looks i would take advantage. something tells me it would be tempting at least from time to time, a type of experience. go for it!


@iamrl Don’t know much about dresses. But what caught my attention was that this issue seemed to really bring you down…and that the root of your problem is the relationship with your parents, otherwise this would not be an issue and this thread would not exist. Your families conservatism seems to be holding back your sense of identity. This negative feeling could grow and negatively affect your future relationship with your parents. Figure out the dress situation, but after, take into consideration all the shackles and chains in your life. They don’t go away on their own, you’ll have to face them eventually. I know how ambitious you are… And you can’t save the world if you can’t save yourself. So if you didn’t go through the proper teenage rebellion stage then do it with class but do it now. Rebel with the intention to move on to the next growth stage of your life. Rebel now so you don’t rebel when it’s too late. Stand up for yourself. I manage a diverse group of people in my career. I can tell when someone never went through the proper rebellion stages. They are very limited in what they can do with there life cause they are rebelling too late in life and against people who are actually trying to help them.

Just know, family love is unconditional, but a positive outcome in life is very conditional.