People That Think They're INFJ's, But Aren't


#1

I have noticed that there are a fair amount of people online who identify as INFJ’s, but clearly aren’t (at least it’s clear to me).

I have two minds about this issue:

a. Let them think what they want because…live and let live, I guess. And some people seem to have a psychological investment in being an INFJ, which I wouldn’t just want to cruelly rip away.

b. Not let them think what they want because many of these faux-INFJs are very vocal about what constitutes INFJdom based solely on their own experience, which of course leads the picture of INFJ off-course if you have enough of these highly vocal faux-INFJ’s speaking out.

My policy on this forum has been not to say anything about this phenomenon unless a person specifically asks me what type they think they are, or just wonders aloud in the forum. Also, even if this occurs I’m likely not to answer them because I’m a busy person and offer personality typing as one of my services.

However, to the degree that I care about this forum, I didn’t want it to be a repeat of, say, Personality Cafe, where there is obviously (to me) a lot of people that are mistyped and spreading erroneous information about their type (not just INFJ) to such a degree that the public discussion is valueless from a type perspective. And on a type forum, this seems to be particularly deadly to its relevance.

What’s more, true INFJ’s will care about this, whilst the other NF types won’t. And this site is particularly NF-heavy. In my experience, if a person thinks they’re an INFJ, and they’re not, they’re most likely to be one of the following types: INFP, ENFJ, and ENFP, in roughly that order.

That’s just my experience, and that’s not too bad, because if a person thinks they’re INFJ, they’re still in the same basic category of NF, and all NF have a lot of general similarity.

I mean, in other online places, I’ve run into the most random types thinking they’re INFJ. ESTJ’s even :open_mouth:

And I can imagine if that started to happen on this forum…it would be intolerable to me.

This doesn’t just apply to people mistyped as INFJ’s, it could apply to any person that is mistyped and spreading erroneous information about their supposed type, but it just so happens to be a particular issue for the type of INFJ, and particularly on this site, as Stellar Maze is obviously INFJ-centric.

So, what I’m putting out to the community is whether they think it would be valuable for me to call these people out or let them be or something else?


#2

Call them out.

I would appreciate it if someone told me I’m not what I claim to be. Cause then I wouldn’t waste my fucking time and energy, and other people wouldn’t be misinformed!

Many people take such pride in being INFJ, but sometimes I wonder why. Like why get so offended if someone tells you you’re not? Every type does have its own gift.


#3

I also think it would be helpful for me and others to get better at distinguishing between different types.


#4

Because the label of INFJ is a status symbol of sorts amongst all sorts of disaffected people. Like, a badge of honor and vindication for them. That sort of thing. Trust me, it hurts to tell people that have been identifying with it for some time, that they aren’t this type. It’s like ripping a protective identity away. Many times I won’t do it, because from a psychological perspective, it’s unwise. Tantamount to taking away their sole coping mechanism. I have a reservation about that.

On the other hand, I think it hurts people that are INFJ (in this case) from benefitting from the wisdom and experience of people that really are this type.

And just from a more objective, and even, esthetic POV, all these people that aren’t INFJ’s are distorting the picture of INFJ. Ya know, the lines are off, the colors are a little false, etc.


#5

Maybe you remember that girl you typed by Skype as INTJish ENFJ (90% certainty). Who thought she’s INFJ. Until I told her she’s not. And then we called you. To this day, everytime I meet her, she says to me: Am I really not an INFJ? And everytime I tell her that she’s not and that she should be happy about it. The way she talks, things she wants – she’s really an ENFJ. But INFJishness was her protective identity for a long time and she clearly haven’t come to terms with her ENFJishness yet.

Call them out. Knowing is healthier.


#6

Ah yes. I wasn’t being very thoughtful with regards to my first post. Sorry.

Do you think it’s possible to have some sort of badge indicating one’s type confirmed by you? Maybe next to the username so that people know which posts can be deemed more reliable than others? I know it’s not really a complete solution, but it could be one step that you can take to keep misinformation in check whilst not breaking any hearts of disaffected non-INFJs.

It definitely won’t be enough though…because non-INFJs who claim to be INFJs will still keep talking anyways. I mean, it’s up to the people to decide what to trust, but the forum would get littered with unreliable testimonies as to what it means to be an INFJ anyways. Thus not being an effective solution on its own.

It’s no easy conundrum is it?

I would think the same to be honest…but I totally get Blake’s reservations. And not only that, but he’d have to invest much more time into reading all our posts and typing us all. That’s a lot for only, what, $6 a month he gets from us? Meanwhile, it’s like $60 (?) to get typed by Blake in one consultation on Skype…

I’m a bit of a duncecap with coming up with a good solution for things like this. We need an INTJ to help us out here.


#7

I totally get what you guys are saying, but I’m of the opinion you shouldn’t just tell people what they are without them asking. I get the conundrum of them tooting their “false” horn on a personality forum, but maybe find a nicer way?

Like what Blake just did today on another thread. He didn’t come out and say - your type is not blah, it’s blah. He identified a feeling with a dominant function.

It’s leading someone. Not smashing their dreams with what you think is right. You’ll make NFenemies.

Also, how many times has Blake changed his mind? A fair amount. Not just with us, but also with celebrities who have many more examples of their type online than just forum replies. So what’s the point of “correcting” someone to begin with?

Besides if you believe what everyone says on a forum, and take their examples as what a type looks like, without forming your own opinion, then you gotz probs.

Just my 2 cents, toot toot!


#8

I just woke up.
And I’m confused.
And this is important to me.
And I have to know.
Am I or am I’m not INFJ?


#9

I selfishly want things called out. I’m trying to learn how to type and I find it really confusing figuring out how certain functions are presenting when things aren’t properly labeled. I know people are attached to their perceived types and I get why tearing that away could be painful, but for the sake of the system! Easy enough for me to say when I’m not the one who has to steal people’s baby blankets tho.


#10

Well, hell…
I’m going to fold laundry.


#11

I want to say call them out for all the reasons already mentioned,

But like Erica says, there’s a cool and not so cool way to do it. When it has been done here it always seems to come from a helpful place like relating to functions and opening up other type possibilities rather than than a “YOU’RE NOT XXXX!!@” like I’ve seen on other forums.

Maybe just posting a thread is enough to trigger some to reconsider their type. If they’re already teetering then it’s not so bad.

Also having help on figuring out type via forum (via Blake or others) won’t necessarily reduce consultations, if anything it motivated me to get a proper Skype consultation with him and get the real deal. And I may go back for seconds.


#12

I’d like to see a list of all the people Blake thinks are faux-INFJs on this forum.

Ok sorry, that was not helpful. :stuck_out_tongue:

In seriousness though, I think it should be called out, but maybe somewhat gently. Like you did on the other post as someone else pointed out, “I see that as x function in x position” or “that seems like blah blah blah” and if they want to know more they can ask. Or get a consult. Or try to convince you that you’re wrong (like sometimes happens with celebrity typing).

Maybe put that you will call people out and your reasoning for doing so in the forum guidelines (and make the guidelines more prominent) so that people won’t be completely caught off guard by it.

I do see the conundrum. It drives my Ti crazy to see all the mistypings and the misinformation, but from an Fe perspective, it’s often not that helpful to tell someone they’re wrong unless they are already open to it (i.e. ask you directly for your opinion). On the other hand, this is your space, and I don’t think it’s out-of-line for you to raise objections or at least questions if you feel like bad information is being spread. Or your posts are being misused. I don’t think other users should do it though (say someone is mistyped), unless asked directly. That would cause even more confusion I think.


#13

Or, if you want to be more subtle about it, you can write some posts on those common mistypings you see (other NFs mistyping as INFJ) and how that can look like. And maybe why. Real INFJs would find that interesting to read, and maybe it’ll turn on some lightbulbs in some of the more open, self-aware faux ones to start questioning (which are the ones that can be persuaded in the first place anyway).

Personally, I think one sure sign someone is an faux-INFJ is if they seem to really cherish being INFJ. I can’t think of one real INFJ who doesn’t consider their INFJ-ness somewhat of a burden, if not a downright curse, even if it does come with some special qualities. I think most would seriously consider changing types if they could, at least temporarily.


#14

To be honest, your posts do seem a bit dramatic for an INFJ. They would be more fitting for ENFJ. INFJs, I find, tend to wish they were more like thinkers. Less dramatic, and ashamed of their intensity. Whereas you want more!

Your posts remind me of @Ankh’s stuff. And the two of you seem to have some sort of natural rapport already.

Your mother also seems like an ISFP to me based on the other post, not an INFJ. But it’s harder to say with not much info.


#15

Now I’m curious. Do people here think I’m a real INFJ? @Blake?

I am confident in my own typing, but I still want to know what other people think… (and why)


#16

Yer definitely an INFJ. To me there’s no question about that. Your writing style and the way you think.

But I ain’t Blake.

I find that a lot of INFJ posts are written in a very clear manner. Well reasoned. Some are more succinct whilst others are more verbose. But there is this sort of precision, this Ti-crispness that is distinct of IxFJs. I find your posts having this crisp quality whilst still being very expansive. Ram packed with ideas. Like a sea of ideas. You don’t go for just one idea and only expand on that, but many that just flows from one to the next. And yet it all gels together, cohesive. I can really “get” what you are staying. You are pinning down to the heart of things despite all the verbiage. This is really Ni-Fe. I see this sort of writing style in Camille Paglia or Stewart for example. Impossibletobe leans more on the conciser side, as she’s more INTJish, but there’s this crystal clearness of tertiary Ti that all the real INFJs have here.

So INFJ writing style to me (could be wrong): Very precise but so easy to digest and so easy to see the whole picture, filled with colors and subtleties and nuances. The palette/spectrum of colors may vary from INFJ to INFJ.

Maybe what I’m saying sounds Ne-Ti, but it’s not (I think I haven’t described so well). I hear Ni, this stream of consciousness seeing a web of complex intertwined ideas. Your thinking is contextual.

You also have a lot of psychological insight and your hunches about others are quite correct.


#17

Maybe my Fe is bothered by the “correcting” as an INFJ’s Ti is bothered by the “uncorrecting”.

Blake changes his mind I won’t say frequently, but there is definitely a trend of it happening. New information equals new ideas.

So what? We say now someone is blah, then in a month with new information they’re actually blah? Just to satisfy a self-serving, internal logic? It doesn’t make sense. Blake is only “correcting” if you believe he is 100% right. Otherwise, it’s just his opinion as is it everyone’s to freely voice here. So I don’t get why we’re talking about it.

Correct or not correct. People will continue to be confused/frustrated. Or blissfully ignorant (like me).

I’m pretty sure every time someone’s type has come to question (unwarranted) on this forum, it’s ended in disaster and unsubscribing. Or lots of forum activity - like how fake news is profitable.

All anyone needs to do is form their own opinion and voice it if they feel it is constructive and necessary for the good of the community, not just for their ego or not just because people might use this site as their only educational reference on personality typing.


#19

I echo this (for myself). I’d rather much take a short term sharp hit to my identity than living my life without the reality.

The truth hurts.

A locked thread or something that only Blake could post in could also be a solution.

INFJ don’t wanna be special.


#21

Anthony you’re a delightful addition to the forum dynamic, thank you for jumping in.


#22

It seems like the actual problem you’re trying to solve is people defining a type base solely on themselves. “I do this. Isn’t it totally INFJ of me?” or “I do this and therefore this is a behavior of INFJs.”

Correcting them will dissuade this behavior but I can’t agree it’s the best course of action. Some people are deeply attached to their type, and maybe it is a delusion, but no one asked for it to be destroyed. Then again, StellarMaze was created to correct broad INFJdom of the inter webs… so by participating it can be considered consent.

Anyways, I’m talking in circle.

Reasons you shouldn’t:

  • Hurt feelings
  • Bad for business
  • Drama

Reasons you should:

  • Clarity, consistency, shit and giggles.

Alternate solution… hm, you could try banning them without correcting their type?

Also, Erika’s second post is dope.

I continue to enjoy being confused/frustrated. :smiley: