Private Messaging Option


I’m just trying to brainstorm a little… What if this forum had private messaging? I know it’s gotta be a package option. I was replying too many times on a thread to one person so the system prompted me to send a private message. So, I know it exists, but maybe Blake didn’t enable it?

By having private messaging, we would be able to privately comment on things about a particular topic that may not be meeting “reply criteria” so as to protect the integrity of the forum and site as a valuable place for information and neat conversation that is easy to peruse.

Also, what if one of us has a specific question for one member but a separate thread creation is inappropriate for that?

I’m sure we could disable it in our profile settings if some of us were uninterested in participating, right?

What do you guys think? Is this a possibility? Is it stupid? Can we be trusted? Does it prevent natural discussion or does it enhance it?


I want PM :heart_eyes_cat:!

I remember back in the first couple of months of the forum existing there were SOOO many times I wanted to PM people. I was so shy back then so I found it so agonizing that when I responded to someone, everyone would have to see :fearful:.

I mean, it quickly showed me if what I wanted to say was really worth saying. But at the same type, the scorp in me demands for anonymity (some of the time, but other than that, I’ll be as transparent as possible)!

But yeah. @Blake @Prax. How do you guys feel about PM? Yay? Nay?

At the same time though, it seems like some people on the forum managed to speak to one another privately. Like, are we able to see each others email? How did some of y’all manage to link up? From what I can recall, I never saw anyone exchange info on here, so I always was a little confused on how some peeps were able to privately converse.

Mkay, so that’s my spiel on PM!


I’ve had it on previous forums and I think it probably does keep things a bit cleaner. There are still always loads of tangents though. Most of the things I’ve communicated using pm would have been ‘whatever’ for everyone and only really interesting for the person you are wanting to communicate with. It worked well on the writing forum, cause who wants that clogged up with personal yapping?

I can also see why Blake may have left it off, since everything would not then be transparent and our community remaining up front and accountable.

If not pm’s, then maybe one thread devoted/allowed for @so-and-so, like the one we have for comings and goings?


Would have to discuss with Blake!
He originally did not want PMing so it had been disabled.

And I’m sure it would be useful in some ways, but I have a feeling it could get messy, especially if people started having “complaints” and even the PMing would need moderation in some way.

I am one of the only people who gave out my email for mod purposes and some people took advantage lol.


I think I would only feel comfortable in suggesting it if there was a disable option for those who didn’t want to participate…maybe? I know I don’t like the idea of private messages being moderated. Maybe that’s just because I’m shifty and flighty.


I’ve used it incidentally as a member and more heavily as a moderator other forums. You might find it a useful mod tool as forum grows so complaints or issues can be discussed behind the scenes.


Ahh yes! It’s like the bouncer-quiet-tap.


Mods can also generally look at your private messages. Especially if there are complaints of harassment or members spamming others.
You would be giving up some more privacy to admin for this and have to hope that mods are honorable and will not just look for the heck of it lol.


Nobody is honorable. Haha. Okay, my vote is FOR pm-ing. Blake will have to see this thread some sunny day and decide for himself and his site.


For me the lack of choices about who to communicate with – the forum being the only choice – makes it easier to contribute. Otherwise I’ll have to think about more rules and as a result will simply not post as much. So introducing PMs will change my behavior a bit. I feel neither good nor bad about that idea.

I’d advise Blake make the call based on sustainability of the project. I enjoy being part of the forum the way I am now, but am I the target market? Does my involvement in current fashion drive away / stiffle key types?

I would ask the owner what he wants for the project:

Is the vision on track? Is this forum growing or whatever? Is revenue growth where it should be? If things are on track, changes might be a bad idea as they introduce hard to predict shifts in behavior. If they aren’t, then shifts in behavior May be a perfect fix.


I have my reasons but I think if private message thing was happening, people would be commenting less for other people to see and observe and learn.

it’s helpful to see every single comment. it’s all form of expression and I like that it kinda forces people to embrace them. or. I hope they do.

if the private message option was available, this will be less of a forum. it’ll be text messaging app + group chat.

and I’m probably gonna be flirting with @Ankh privately and intimately haha and the mods can look and get off on it


No diggity, no doubt.


Anyways, this is open to anyone.

My email address is on my profile.


I prefer not having private messaging…I like the transparency and willingness to be vulnerable that people show this forum…it makes me feel like I’m in a perpetual family reunion and it makes me so happy :heart:


I’m with @supernokturnal and @iamrl in preferring an open forum with no secret squirrel stuff going on the background. We may not always agree with each other, but isn’t that a healthy thing in general? And if a debate does degenerate into name-calling or unintentionally upsets one or more participants (we are human after all, so this can happen to the best of us as recently seen here), then it can be called out or rectified before too much damage is done. This is much harder, if not impossible, when there are numerous behind-the-scenes interactions going on.

My experiences of so many real-life “private” discussions are not very positive. Perhaps they serve some limited purpose as a way of letting off steam or discussing sensitive matters, but there are other ways of doing that. All-too-often they are simply used to pass on trivial gossip or as a flimsy excuse to bitch about other people behind their back, often while pretending otherwise to their face.


Good. This will give people the option to ‘slide into your DMs’ as the kids say nowadays.


yes, exactly.

this ain’t no lala land.
I love that everyone’s buttons are getting pushed here and are being expressed. such a good way to learn people.

i love conflicts. raw conflicts.

i love seeing them, being involved in them. creating them. finishing them.

Idk why but conflicts makes me feel alive.

i think it’s a huge part of understanding one another.
when conflicts get resolved in healthy manner, it doesn’t really repeat again.

and that feels very satisfying.

and if it weren’t for @anhydrite posting her thread and everyone contributing, would it really touch people’s hearts?

I’m sure many have benefited from just observing and reading other people’s comments.

and I love that we can bounce off each other’s ideas.

it definitely helped many people and I can literally see growth in some of the people in the forum.

now it makes me wonder who @Ankh wanted to private message.

and it’s definitely entertaining to watch people banter and ramble about different things.

just because someone doesn’t really have anything to say, it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate it.

there are so many things I’ve read here that made me go ‘wow great points’ but didn’t feel like spelling it out.

or I might think ‘oh wow I definitely agree’ but also didn’t feel like writing it out.

i think @lunar is good at doing that though. I love that she reads and reply to almost everything expressing herself. definitely one of the biggest contributor in this forum.


Dang it. I guess I’m not a kid anymore. I had to look up what that meant.


No one in particular. I was just trying to brainstorm ideas as how to improve conversation here. But I’m not too sure it needs to be improved upon.

These people you describe are assholes and it doesn’t matter what setting they’re in. An asshole is an asshole. Shit always comes out. Sometimes it’s solid and makes you contemplate, and sometimes it’s just runny.


Now I can’t get that imagery out of my head! :astonished: