Relationships - Love - Sex


#459

wow. so two years ago is when you started mbti and astrology,
you give me hope but at the same time i’m so surprised how fast you caught up.

hahahah why is this so funny.

i can imagine how that even went.

yeah i think you come off rather someone of an ‘older’ person to many men.
especially guys your age. definitely.

well. basically because i was crazy and out of control and i’m nothing like my mom or my dad.
she cried almost every day because of me until i was behaving myself.
she was the mom that was ‘in denial’ until i figured myself out when i was 19.
when she would learn about bipolar, she would think i am one.
when she would learn about ADHD, she would think i am one.
when she would learn about antisocial personality disorder, she would think i am one.
and so on…
i was way better when i learned about myself.
first i discovered psychopathy through a friend who typed me as one. and it made perfect sense.
but i wasn’t 100% satisfied and i hated the stigma behind it. so i looked more into psychology and found mbti and discovered that i’m an ESTP and that was super liberating.
it seems like a lot of xNFx types are into psychology, so those friends influenced me a lot.

well, what i meant is that they mix the truth with BS.
for example, about a few days ago.
after family wedding, we were at a restaurant,
this old man (my second cousin that is in his late 60’s or early 70’s), i think he’s an ESTJ, he said to make my wife happy, i have to respect her, and work hard., and something else but i don’t remember. but i basically disagreed except respecting her.
his wife wasn’t even there… -_ - hahaha
no she ain’t dead. she was home.
cuz she don’t like socializing.

anyways.

despite all the ‘lectures’ he gave me. he said some good stuff.

idk if you went to church growing up, but you know how preachers gives sermon/talk and sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s complete BS?
it’s kind of like that.

i guess what i’m trying to say is, that you can learn from everyone.

why do you think so? does it say anything about it in my chart?

i wonder why? why didn’t you take it as a compliment?

uh… nothing specific . hahaha. i just like the numbers.
like i feel youthful and wise at the same time. and can still act a little foolish and still be acceptable.

like, do something dumb, and if someone asks,
"how old are you?!?!"
and i can say "i’m 23!"
that’s like a perfect number to be slightly stupid, but old enough that they can’t call you a kid.

two mentors. that’s awesome.
that’s awesome that you even have mentors.

i think i naturally look up to my parents. like psychologically i think kids naturally do that whether they like it or not.
but generally speaking, i don’t look up to anyone.
people disappoint me. and i think you’ve mentioned that before when you were reading my chart.

i look up to God. that’s only being i truly look up to.
God is the only being that makes me truly humble and makes me feel like nothing but still feel very loved.
if i didn’t have ‘faith’, i think i’d be a douchebag. or a complete psychopath.
i’d probably be a pimp or a gigolo.
but i guess my chart said ‘no way, you have a specific purpose in life’ hahaha

and wow. ESFP woman? that sounds rather interesting. you and ESFP woman.

oh, i had questions for you.
what was your dream growing up? do you have a specific purpose in life?

oh, and do you sometimes think nobody truly understands you?


#460

Hahaha it is!
And yeah i think guys my age feel weird about flirting with someone like me… my friends say that they were “scared” of me before we became friends :joy:

So none of your siblings have ever acted out? What did you think of yourself and what made you want to figure yourself out?

Oh yes! Every interaction teaches something… either about the person or yourself… I think one of my flaws is not taking other’s opinions seriously unless I agree with them… recently I’ve been trying to consciously be a little less egoistic…

Not just your chart… based on the way you describe people, your interactions with them and your perception of them, you actually pay attention… you are very curious, in general, and you have the desire to understand everything, which is essential for a person to be a good judge of character… your intuition and ability to sense vibes definitely helps… pretty cool to see how it works for someone with the axis flipped…

Earlier mentioned reason… makes people treat you with too much respect/caution… makes life boring if you’re an introvert :stuck_out_tongue:

They were teachers… one in school and one at work… hardly spoke to them… but their personalities made a deep impact…

(Chiron in 7th house)

Hmm maybe you were drawn to it because you didn’t want to be a douchebag or a complete psychopath… making the choice to use your energy constructively… and I think looking up to something bigger and more eternal than man is definitely more inspiring than man himself… it makes the body and mind more open to the flow of the energy that this universe runs on… only some know how to channel it consciously (constantly is even more difficult)…

ESFP woman = tingles down my spine! :heart_eyes_cat:

Hmm… I want to run an artist’s retreat + therapy holiday home kind of place in the mountains, where I can use mbti + astrology to help people (especially teenagers) identify/work through their psychological issues and help them get closer to their natural potential through creative exploration… and I also want to be surrounded by people who are working on their art (could be writers or musicians or painters or dancers)… what better way than to offer them an escape from the hustle bustle of the city so that they can work in peace, close to nature :sunglasses: anyway, that dream is a far way off… I don’t know whether it’s an achievable dream :stuck_out_tongue:
What about you?

Yeah I do… i know it’s not possible for a single human to understand everything about another… each person brings out different sides of us, so maybe we are understood in bits and pieces and are also constantly discovering new aspects of ourselves… but I guess it would be easier for me to feel understood if i wasn’t always aware of what the other person is thinking :stuck_out_tongue:


#461

This would be a fulfilling escape. Where do I sign up? Kidding, I’d probably freak out if I met you since you know everything about me now. (Fucking Mars in Fourth house) Lol. But I really hope you can follow through with your idea so you can save some dreamers, procrastinators, outcasts, crazies, the universe, and yourself. :stuck_out_tongue:

Thanks again for taking the time to read my chart…and just so I can stay on topic with the title of this thread…I hope someone can give you the same “satisfaction” you gave me. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#462

All I want is for someone to be brutally honest with me…stab me with your words and I’ll stab you right back…we’ll mark each other that way…it’ll be for life :space_invader: I’ve had enough of all the bull…let’s strip each other bare and stop pretending we’re both more noble than we really are…


#463

This is what I want toooooo! I’m done being perfect. I don’t want to be. And I definitely don’t want the other to be perfect either. I want difficulty. I want to be honest and open and transparent. Even if it hurts.


#464

True…there are no Prince Charmings here :smiling_imp: Somehow there’s still joy in the pain and struggle…it’s primal…like running with the wolves. (Thanks you guys for introducing me to AURORA…she’s amazing!!)


#465

Hahaha thank you Sammy :heart:


#466

Right??

I love the look in her eyes at the end of the video, after she escapes into the woods or forest or whatever the place with the lake is… it’s like ENFJ escaping the trappings of all expectations and becoming as free as nature…


#467

i think you can make any guy at any age feel weird about flirting with you. and i think i know why.
because i know how to shut people down when someone tries to flirt with me.
idk if you can relate, but when someone tries to flirt with me, i give them the ‘i know what you’re doing’ look.
but i have a feeling that’s how the guys felt around you, because you are very wise. and that presence, or aura you have, can be ‘scary’ or intimidating.

like that is one thing i noticed when going to highschool.
there was one very ‘mature’ girl.
and she was pretty. and dressed very nice.
but guys were scared to flirt with her because they were afraid of looking stupid or not getting the ‘proper response’ from her.

my sibilings have acted out, also. but not like me.
they acted out more like , normally?
idk. like drugs and stuff. nothing that will psychologically damage my parents hahaha
they weren’t ‘troublemakers’.
just boys being boys.

i always wanted to figure myself out. since i was very young.
because i knew i was different. for sure.
when i was in 2nd grade. i took a bus by myself to the city and went to the mall and arcade and stuff.
i remember walking to dentist by myself at age of 5.
i gotta give my mom credit for trusting me so much. but she said she knew i could do it. she said she knew i would figure it out if i ever got lost. and which was true. because i wasn’t afraid of getting lost.

anyways. i’m still trying to figure myself out.
i think i know myself very well. because i’m very honest with myself also.
i used to write journals every night anywhere from 1~4 a.m.
and i would write something that i would never share with anyone.
except God.

hahahaha i think this is kind of common amongst INFJ? i’m not sure.

or maybe in general. people are like this?

and why is it a ‘flaw’ to not take other’s opinion seriously?
remember? we’re not entitled to our opinions? right? hahaha jk

we don’t have to take other’s opinion seriously at all. it’s their opinion after all. not yours.
some people hate the color pink. some people love it.

but i know what you mean. because i used to dismiss any talk with heavy intuition.
but recently i’ve began to appreciate it in a different light. because it’s real to them.
i just don’t like it when some people think intuition is ‘better’ than sensing.
like please… don’t make me start proving everyone on this forum why sensing is better! hahahahaha
it’s really Yin and Yang.

yes. this is 100% accurate.
i’m very curious. and i want to know everything. i want answer to it all.
why is that?
and why is it that some people don’t seem to care? <- is what i used to think, and still do here and there.
i know i can’t solve every problem.
but if i have the power to, i will. and i need knowledge, information, and wisdom.

grass is greener on the other side! hahaha

trust me. there were many times i wish i was a natural introvert and stopped getting in trouble.

don’t we all hate and love ourselves?

i think i like doing both.

action speaks louder!
yes indeed.

maybe my mother knew this about me. but she always said "use your strength wisely. you can either kill someone, or heal someone."
it’s very similar to what you said to me before.
what is the ‘strength’ are you talking about?

i think it’s definitely achievable.
you can literally do this with help of people that are interested in this project of yours.
actually. i’m very interested!
very similar to what i wanted to do .
you can rent a whole retreat center for about a week.
and if there’s about 50 customers, you can make up for the rent and for yourself.
and 50 is not that hard to get.
well . let me not do the numbers in my head right now. i have a habit of doing that. hahaha
but i think it’s a great idea. and i love the confidence you have. knowing that you can help people.
can we make this a bigger project for the future? but actually make it happen?
i would totally invest in this kind of business.
if you’re interested in ‘partnering’, let me know.
i have so many business ideas.
clothing company with a twist, and youtube channel. app for phones.
those are just money. but my heart is in helping people.

whaaaat… this is deep.
what does you knowing what the other person is thinking, have to do with easier feeilng understood,?


#468

:wolf:

Let’s make a deal…I’ll go be free and you go start that artist’s retreat okay??

PS I’m being completely serious…let’s do it.


#469

i agree with the bold letters very much.
i never purposefully flirt with anyone.
and when i do, it goes completely unnoticed because it’s so obvious . idk. strange phenomena.

why is it strange that Saturn in my 1st house makes me a good business man?

maybe it’s because i’m an ESTP? i think my temperament helps when it comes to business.
seeing what brings most money. realistic figures.

when i think of ‘my business’, i just see pure number. whatever brings me the most money, i will invest in.
it’s not my personal passion or drive. just number!

now, if i ever have to partner with someone, it’ll be more for my passion and interest. and i wouldn’t count on making a lot of money. probably something to help me get by.

so i separate what will realistically help me VS what i want to do.

so i USE my business that helps me make the most money, and i will use that fund to starting other businesses with friends and family.

to make the dream come true, you need to start with reality. you know where i’m getting at?

and i don’t know how libra affects me. because i don’t know what libra really does.

but i think generally speaking, if i know correctly, i get along with everyone.
no matter what background they’re from. so maybe that’s how i use my libra.
the charm.

and i use that in business negotiation :stuck_out_tongue:

so. you wanna talk about yourself?

i brought this topic over here :smiley:


#470

Ah, you beat me to it! :smiley:

I mention Saturn in the 1st house because I remember a conversation we had when you talked about how the key to business is consistency. And I agree with that - and I think you’d agree that not everyone can commit to the day in, day out consistency that it takes to run a business. My understanding is that Saturn is the planet that brings the energies of self-discipline and work ethic, so to have that in your first house, a key part of your psyche…I wonder if that’s an element of your ability to do well in business. It’s not strange, just testing out my very amateur astrology abilities! :stuck_out_tongue:

So, on the topic of struggles…so I found it really interesting in this article https://www.stellarmaze.com/infj-vs-infp/ Blake talked about how INFP desires a “deep merger with the beloved where both lovers are in a wordless womb of content.” Because, once upon time I had that, and guess what? It completely killed the attraction, passion, and chemistry. Having that “deep merger” - that deeply nurturing bond of support and love -made me feel that the relationship was so “pure” that it couldn’t possibly be erotic.

This psychiatrist - Esther Perel - helped to provide some answers, and I am sharing here TED talk here, in case anyone finds it interesting:

She’s also the author of “Mating in Captivity” which addresses this very topic as well.

Long story short, I ended up hurting my ex-boyfriend very badly. I feel very guilty about it still, even though it’s been years. He was a really good guy. Not being able to fix a broken relationship, for me, is like the equivalent of being a fish on land. That’s my first issue. Massive, astronomic guilt.

And it also feels frustrating that I can’t seem to balance an emotional connection with a sexual one in relationship. I’ve come to accept that I’m okay compromising my physical needs in a relationship for the spiritual/emotional ones.


#471

@lml don’t delete this! (just in case… :stuck_out_tongue: )
i need to watch that ted video and read the article before i give you any reply.

this “deep merger” is actually deep.
something i’m unaware but familiar of.

i’ll get to this later!

gotta watch lady and tramp with my wife first xD


#472

Awww, you guys watch Disney movies together? That’s adorable. If you can allow me to use a sappy millennial hashtag…#relationshipgoals


#473

hahahah my wife’s been telling me about this movie and saying how it reminds her of us.
yeah… i’ve never seen this movie until today! it’s a classic Disney!

alright. so going on to your comment.

what do you know about Saturn in the 1st house that helps with business? i’m curious :smiley:

so. i read the article. and it’s so accurate about INFP relationship description.
hahaha it’s so adorable.
what’s wrong with that?!

do you want things to be erotic and passionate? like, i mean. i love that.
but do YOU actually crave that?

what do you think your ex-boyfriend’s type is? if you know?

oh okay. that’s great!

i’ve seen a few INFPs with the ‘boring’ types of mbti. and it actually works out great!
it’s cute!

wait. so what’s the struggle? is the guilt? or is it because you want both?

and how did you ‘hurt’ him? if you did. did you cheat on him?

oh wait. why did i just noticed this.
hmmmm. i see.

wow… this is very tough.

let me use an ANALogy.

i want to poop. but i DON’T want to pee. because my pee is so acidic.
but when i poop. it makes me pee. so i pee. and i kill my genital.

sorry. SOOO one dimentional.

so your problem is. how to poop without peeing?

wait. that’s a terrible ANUSlogy.

wait. maybe it’s not.

poop = passion
pee= comfort
but comfort= no passion
so pee = no passion

so for INFPee,
poop(passion), makes you want to eventually pee(comfort), so it turns into destroyed genital (no passion).

i think… life is unfair… hahaha

it’s like the INFJ/INFP problem…relationship.

why not go for ENFJ/ESFJ?
they can spike up some passion despite having peace and comfort.

i agree with Blake when he said INFPs are the most genuine and kind people out of 16 types.

it’s very true. it’s so strange. but sometimes thinking about INFP makes me wanna cry.

their act of kindness leaves the imprint on your brain(heart) that lasts forever. seriously.
foshizzle.

because it’s SOOOOOO genuine.
and expects NOTHING in return.
the TRUE act of kindness…

damn. makes me wanna cry.

my brother is INFP. 3 years younger than me.

i love him so much but i never told him. and i never will. because i don’t think i ever can.

i think the day i tell him i love him is if he’s on his deathbed or i’m on my deathbed.

it’s too much emotions to handle. i can’t handle it. hahahahah too much!!

but i don’t have INFP close friends.

i really adore them but i have to stay away from them.

because i’m too dangerous they might get hurt.

before i was married, when INFP approached me, i would be nice to them at first, and CHOP MY COMMUNICATION OFF!
because they think i’m all sweet and nice. which is so wrong.
i’d rather let them suffer in confusion than suffer because of me.

i hate bugs. and i burn them. kill them. destroy them. but if INFP was a bug. it’s the exotic kinds that are going extinct. i just leave them alone.

damn. this comment belongs in dear INFP


#474

Interesting about how you keep away from infp. I always suspect this discomfort from people and try to withdraw first in advance lol! I feel incompatible with PEOPLE. Like oh my god I don’t know what went wrong at manufacturing time but I came out all defective. These are not good feelings. I don’t know if intj or all infp has same problem or not but it is like being cut off from PEOPLE at its worst. This probably belongs in the Ni id section but Ni id is bleak so I stay away.


#475

Sorry - probs bad advice.

Do whatever makes you happy and makes sense to you, @lml. :slight_smile:


#476

keeping away from INFP is a protection for them.
i have a strong urge and desire to protect the ‘fragile’ people.

i know that i can easily offend people by accident from my words or action, and INFPs are the least i want to hurt by accident. because they have done nothing wrong to me. intentionally speaking.


#477

Not to disappoint, but quite frankly, I don’t know shit. It was just wild speculation from a novice. :stuck_out_tongue:

There’s nothing wrong with the article per se, I just felt rather dissatisfied in how well it encapsulated my experience. Of course, it must have been based on an amalgamation of various INFP’s (that are not me) that Blake has encountered in real life…but in trying to relate to it, it felt like I was reading a simplistic and nauseatingly sappy caricature of myself. Because when I had that deep, soul enmeshing bond with a partner…it’s like, I ended up taking Thor’s hammer to it and smashing it into smithereens.

ENFP.

Yes, there was infidelity on my part. I struggle with the guilt of hurting someone I had a perfectly loving and supportive relationship with. Not to mention, the best person I know. Our relationship is not recoverable and I have a difficult time accepting that, even though I acknowledge it’s the consequences of my actions.

I try to tell myself that relationships shouldn’t always be defined by how they ended…that the moments of beauty & meaning & connection, can be honored and transmitted forward one way or another…but the reality of separation and brokenness is still there and it’s tough.

I also worry that I need to be in that committed, nurturing relationship…yet that’s the very type of relationship that dims sexual attraction…and that the men that I have that intense attraction & erotic relationship with, are the ones who can’t give me what I need spiritually or emotionally. Clearly…it’s time to build up my feline companion collection…:stuck_out_tongue:


#478

Awww Erika, I wish you left your original comment up. I don’t know if you thought you may have been imposing, but that’s not how I took it at all. I appreciate honesty when it’s coming from a good place.

I think that you are right to call out that I may be limiting myself in my perception of what types of needs can be met in a relationship. I am more or less basing that perception on one relationship I had, and I met him relatively young in life. So I may just need some more life experience.

At the same time, it was a huge relief to watch Esther Perel’s TED Talk (linked in my original post) because it showed me that I wasn’t alone in struggling to balance chemistry & attraction with safety and comfort. I find it especially interesting that she says that what we expect out of a partner in a modern age, is what it use to take a whole village to provide.

I don’t know if this was already discussed in this thread (since it’s almost 400 posts!!!) but I’m curious if you or others have that challenge and how you navigate through it.