Relationships - Love - Sex


#499

hahah wat a cutie

if he’s ISFP, he’s waiting for you to make the moves most of the time.
until he’s VERY comfortable with you. it takes time.

if you don’t want him to say anything like

tease the hell out of him mentally.

like get in front of his face, like you’re about to kiss him. but don’t do it.
and with your own words, say things like ‘i’m gonna rock your world, i’m gonna show you a whole new world you’ve never seen before’, but don’t do anything.
talk big. and take no action.

it’ll probably make him anticipate and he’s gonna be waiting for you to make moves and when you don’t, he’ll want you even more. just give him blue balls with your words.

ISFPs are not good at showing how much they like you until they’re very comfortable.
if he continues to hang out with you, he’ll like you more and even if he gets attached, he won’t show it at first.

communication, communication, communication.

be honest and upfront with him.
don’t worry about what other people said.
don’t ever listen to them. actually.

i’ve had people trying to screw up my relationship because people are fucking envious and they don’t wanna see happy relationship.
and they do it in a very slick, sly, catty way.
so be aware.

only listen and believe what he said and do not listen to no one else. they’re not him. don’t let them put ideas in your head.

maybe you should even bring it up to him and tell him how you felt about it.

edit: and oh, ISFPs are usually bad at communication in the beginning, but let him know how you feel about that in the near future. teach him.
and shower him with genuine compliments.
sooner or later, you’ll have him by the balls.


#500

Arrggghhh but I want to be pursued damn it…what should I initiate most of the conversation or something?? So far I’ve let him initiate our meetings/our flirtation most of the time…

He’s actually kind of insecure and easily overwhelmed though so I don’t think something like that would work…I don’t know…

See here’s the thing…maybe it’s because I’m enfj but I generally don’t put that much stock in what people say because I say crap all the time that I don’t mean…I look to their actions…and his are confusing me.


#501

If it were me, yeah, I’d leave. I like to be around people who are interested in me, and that sounds pretty negative? Or did something happen that I’m not totally understanding?


#502

could you elaborate?
and do you like him enough to make something happen?


#503

@iamrl, grow your bush out and take him on a magic carpet ride. See tutorial below and some musical inspiration:


#504

hahahahahahaha
I was actually thinking about Aladin as I wrote that :joy:


#505

So he actually intimated most of the touchy flirting…the minute I reciprocated though he backed off…started flaking during our meetings and stuff…still flaking now…

I dunno I feel too forceful initiating…being with him has made me realize that I’m really not an introvert…I thought I was but I can see him sometimes getting overwhelmed as I extrovert with him and other people…


#506

like, how is he being flaky? at what point?
I’m guess there was a point where he felt offended or something.

can you explain the “other people” part?
like do you get all extroverted with other people while you’re with him?


#507

Asking to meet up to go to a concert and then never actually showing up…and then when I mention that I’m going without him he goes “oh, I hope to see you there then” or something like that…it’s platitude after platitude after…

Are isfps secretly super prideful?? Because I may have teased him/accidentally belittled his social awkwardness once and that may have caused it…

Duh…I’m enfj, I love the attention :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


#508

YES!
especially if he’s a guy.

omg.

so listen. i have this huge epiphany.
and it’ll make sense.

so. ISFPs are usually very jealous and possessive. but they’ll never tell you that.
and especially for men, they are the same way, and because they are men, they compensate .
how? they compensate by acting like they’re not hurt.
and they do it in a way that comes off ‘flaky’, like you said.
like ‘oh whatever. i’m not hurt’

listen. i found out 2 years later that my wife was jealous of this one incident.
TWO YEARS LATER.

it was this one time when i was talking to this girl and she was talking about how she’s soon to become ultrasound technician for prostate cancer.
and i jokingly said, "ooh! can i get a free checkup? i might have something that down there"
and it was funny. my wife laughed too. then my girlfriend.
i found out years later that it actually bothered her.

anyways.
so if you were being an ‘attention whore’ around him. i’m sure it bothered him a lot.
and i use that phrase because that’s what he was probably thinking.
ISFPs want exclusivity. so if you’re showing other people similar amount of attention as you show him. he’s gonna get very hurt. and he’ll never tell you. he won’t even show you.
he’ll just act like the way he’s acting now to ‘compensate’ . and blake’s description of ISFP men being compensatory gave me that idea. it makes perfect sense.

so. if you don’t change that behavior. most likely he wouldn’t want to get closer to you because he’s gonna be hurt.
and you said he’s insecure.
ISFPs naturally have self-doubt so what you did made it worse.

so yeah. there you have it.
and this dynamic is very similar to me and ISFJ.
we’re supposed to be the soul-mate type. but there was a very strong love/HATE relationship.

anyways. does that give you some insight?
i don’t think it had to do with you moving 'too fast’
that’s his bullshit trying to compensate for him being hurt because you were probably flirting with other guys.
of course he will never tell anyone "omg i can’t believe she’s giving other people attention. and i’m jealous!"
yuck… no. he’s gonna try to make it sound like it was something else.

so yeah. i call that statement complete bullshit and he’s just a hurt little boy being salty.


#509

Shit then I messed up big time…I really like him though so what can I do??? :no_mouth: Preferably without sacrificing too much of myself in the process…


#510

Be careful when interpreting sups words. Don’t change a goddamned thing, unless you are actually sexually flirting with other men. If you are being yourself - talkative, warm, inviting - don’t change a thing. Don’t mistake men acting like babies for actually being one. He is a man, let him be one. Let him figure out how to use his words like a big boy. Sups is partial to submissive cookies, and while ENFJs like to be ravaged like stone-aged wives, we are NOT the submissive type.


#511

Just flirt with him some more again. If ISFP think they get the “good quality” attention vs others, they are easily assuaged, especially if you’re being cute at the same time. It just takes a bit to warm him up again. I think if you like him, giving him extra attention won’t be a problem for you. Also helps if you just tell him you like him. Sometimes ISFP are real stupid when it comes to the obvious that way. haha

I’d say to play up to your strengths (Fe at him, flirt with him mostest), not compromise yourself. ISFP eventually get over their jealousies (put it in the back of their minds–they NEVER forget) as long as they feel like they are the ones that matter most. They WILL play passive agressive games though, like hot-cold attention, but the more you stick it through their moodswings, the more loyal (or obsessed) they get. Generally they want someone they can trust and give themselves up to. (Common for ISFP become loyal soldiers/knights to their ENFJ counterparts)

At least that is what I think! :smiley:


#512

yeah listen to what Prax said. very good summary.
basically. give him way more attention and don’t spread it out like he’s just ‘one of them’

and if you take Erika’s advice and

he’s just gonna be a litle pussy and avoid you.
he’s ISFP at the end of the day.

Erika’s advice is very ‘ideally empowering’ like 'yeah! be yourself!'
but it’s really not practical in this situation.

all relationship requires ‘some’ compromise.
you can still be nice and fun to other people. just make sure he feels special the most.

like by ‘nature’ i’m a fucking player and a cheater.
if someone told me 'be yourself. don’t change’
then i’d be in some fucked up relationship right now.


#513

Or - you’d be in an open relationship.
Or - you wouldn’t commit, and have a variety of relationships.

BAH! I just talked myself out of my own logic. Just don’t suppress your nature, man.


#514

or -date and flirt with other guy’s chick

I’ve tried both for a long time and it creates drama and was messy.
I used to also think ‘fuck that, nobody can tell me what to do’.
but then later I learned that my way is not always the best way.


#515

Then that’s in your nature. You learned a lesson, and now you apply it.


#516

yep, so if @iamrl continues to be ‘herself’ then she’ll have similar consequences as such. isfp guy being a wussy and flaking out.

it’s easier and better to say "it’s a YOU problem, not THEM problem"
but if it was the isfp guy asking me advice I’ll be like “stop being a bitch and go date her. She’s just being friendly and polite to other people because that’s who she is. if it bothers you then let her know and don’t compensate.”


#517

Nah, see - this is why I suck at relationships. I don’t play games. I don’t follow the rules.


#518

Yeah I bet you broke a lot of hearts