Relationships - Love - Sex


#559

you got the last part right


#560

Of course. That part is always a given.


#561

Everything else is just noise anyway haha

Here’s a relevant quote from @Blake in a comment he left to a question posed by an INFJ on the article about ENTP at play in the house of Gemini

“Go visit a planetarium sometime. Sit in the darkness of the domed room. Look at the central projector. Notice how you feel in the darkness gazing at a maze of stars. ENTP is this planetarium that INFJ yearns for. Contained in infinity.”

ITS A GOOD SONNET but not perfect; imagine maybe something like this for a cap?


#562

I can’t do it. I don’t know enough words.

Cap to a home planetarium machine thingy? Had a night cap with cap morgan???

Orrrrrr she stole the cap containing the stars…letting the stars fill the empty space of space. Then she hid.

I think I’m getting it. She has a dark mind’s eye. Pulleys opening up your lid to your chest. You could not see her in your darkness. See, cause you’re the planetarium. In your darkness you could not see her, not hers.

This is fun! Tell us more sonnnets for our bonnets!!


#563

I think it’s cool you took a harder swing at this and I think you get it at least as well as I get it now. Which, I don’t totally get it. Remember the part about being a goner though; it’s hard to get much when you’re so gone. Thus, poetry, and mumbling.


#564

I don’t know if it’s your type or my type or just that you’re a dude or just that you’re flooded with rainbow hearts, but I feel like we’ve exchanged a lot of words which have gotten me nowhere in my original inquiry. Ha.


#565

INTJ here, i believe that love is actually a choice. You are imperfect and you decide to chose to be with an imperfect human being. The hype wears off a month or two later. But love is often acociated with the first buzz you get when you first meet and start going out with someone. You chose to love a person despite their flaws and accept them. Its about giving. Thats my personal opinion. Though i find it disturbing that most people like the chase instead, the drama, many believe that is love.

Im all in for drama and the chase, but personally i dont think its worth it. I hate it when a girl play games to see if you get jealous or not. Whats the point? Maybe im just too NT. I do however respect everyones opinions. I dont judge either.

I believe that love exists. When two people decide to love each other unconditionally. Though this seems like a fairt tail in or validation seeking, instant gratification sociaty.


#566

Has anybody gone into the BDSM world? I’ve recently started dedicating some time and energy into asking questions about it. I get a general idea. But if anyone has any thoughts or stories I’d love to hear!


#567

This is a late reply. I know what you’re saying, @Chrollo. My mom has actually said this to me many times. “Love is a choice.” Hype - a month or two?! You’re doing it wrong. Lol jk :grin:

I’m weird with the jealousy thing. I have mixed opinions. I like getting men jealous. Sorry! I think women do it for different reasons. 1: they don’t feel appreciated enough, so they test the appreciation. 2: they like the “claiming” sex. And I’ve talked to some men, some men like it. The other side of it is it can become toxic…obsessive…

Think about it. When someone you’re attracted to is sought out by other people, it makes them even more attractive. It makes you work harder and/or fuck more passionately. As in everything there is a fine line between death and bliss.


#568

Why are you looking into it? And what type? It’s like strains of pot, some are mind highs and some are body highs…


#569

It’s always been a curiosity of mine. I think I have a healthy curiosity about all things sex. I’m very non-judgemental about people’s sexual desires. It’s very personal.

Not the scary kind. Ha. I have some images which have stained my mind… but some of the scary stuff may not be too scary if it’s with the right person.

Oh yes, very interesting to point this out. A lot of it’s mental. It’s a very underground thing, however. So, it’s hard to find reputable resources rather than just an 18 year old who wants to beat up women.

What’s interesting to me, is I see so much more “power” in the sub vs. the Dom.

I don’t know anything much of the strains… bit I just learned of one the other day that I naturally do with my husband. DD/lg - Daddy Dom / Little girl.

It’s all very interesting. I see it birthed from sexual aggression… but discipline and endurance have been applied to the equation. It’s foundation is trust.

A couple of interesting responses to my questions:

“A safe word is necessary, but you really aim never to use it. It means you have to be completely transparent with your partner. Expectations, goals, limits. If someone uses a safe word, I’ve misread my partner’s capabilities. I’ve pushed too hard. And the trust may be damaged. And that takes some time to earn back.”

“It all depends on the sub.” - This one was in response to personal questions like what they are specifically into.

I see the sub as gaining power and the Dom as maintaining control.

It can be a very uplifting thing I think. Nurturing.

The other part I think about is the motivation. Are some of these people powerless in other senses of their lives? Daddy issues? Reckless bodies, needing discipline? Mommy issues? Abandonment issues? Or maybe they’re very much already disciplined in their life, this is just an extension? What I’m finding is people usually have an early relationship that wakes something up or something. Or do something once in the moment and think, wow, that felt good - I didn’t think it would.

It’s been suggested I get a Fetlife account but I dunno. The home page says it’s comparable to Facebook, only with kink. I picture viewing people’s feeds with posted selfies - look! Me and my pet! (With someone chained up in the background). Haha. I hate Facebook, I don’t think “kink” is gonna jazz it up enough for me.

Oh! Something that just FASCINATES me…
Like, right now, I’m on the train. All of us commuters look pretty normal. We all blend well. But I know there are some wonderfully fucked up motherfuckers on this train. People’s ability to change suits amazes me.


#570

It is interesting and fascinating. But whether it is more fun on the imagination vs. reality is something to consider. Two pieces of advice I would give:

  1. It is intense and it can form a very close bond if there is a psychological component and it’s not just physical. A soul tie. This can do damage to both parties so be very careful who you do this with and understand the consequences. It can be like a marriage.

  2. I would go the route of finding someone you really like and click with first over any other aspect. I think some people use match or other dating sites and have key words in their profile to identify that they want Ds. I have no experience with fetlife but it doesn’t seem all that great.


#571

Understood. I am gathering you are giving me this advice because you have yourself gone into this world? I don’t think everyone is the same, not that you’re implying that. But yes, if I try to incorporate something like this into my life, I will make sure myself and my partner have an understanding. Relationships like these can be as deep or as superficial as each person wants to make them. But I’d probably assume all of them must go to a certain level of depth because of the trust factor.

Oh, definitely. I wasn’t looking to use Fetlife as a dating site or anything. I’m just looking to see where I can ask questions and get legit answers. And domination / submission are definitely not a deal-breaker for me. I could care less. Well, I don’t want to go to that extreme. Because there ARE some things I NEED. But I think some of those things are just passion. A lot of times, in a lot of areas in life, this just happens naturally. - by clicking like you said.


#572

I think you are very insightful and have a good handle on it. I have very little experience; I’ve been asked to join this world but these are my observations from what I’ve seen so I haven’t gone too deeply. And I’m not comfortable discussing it in a public thread. :).

Good luck—I’d love to hear about anything you are willing to share.


#573

Thank you, @Impossibletobe. That means something to me.

I’ll share anything that comes in! :crazy_face:
That face looked the coolest to me in that moment…


#574

Do you think it’s nature/nurture/ a function of certain personality types to have dominant or submissive tendencies? I can understand the appeal of dominance somewhat and submission not at all. I used to think maybe a product of trauma or low self esteem, but had an acquaintance who was deeply submissive and open to talking about it. Her idea was that it that it was inborn and genetic, certainly there have been many times in history when it could have been adaptive for survival to be a good and faithful slave. Then there’s the high power EXTJ types who supposingly can have a tendency to get off on the role reversal of being ordered and smacked around.


#575

All of the above. I don’t particularly think one over the other nor do I really think it’s one over the other with anything. But hey! How would I know?

I do think the T types like to dominate more so than the F types. At least, it comes more natural to them. Yes, I have daddy issues and have had a lack of discipline throughout my life. It makes me feel all warm inside to to “do good”.

How would we know for sure? Me personally, if I associate something sexual or something that feels good to me (and both parties are into it) with something crippling or “negative”, I might feel bad about it and start to repress my desires. You on the other hand as an INTJ, may see trauma or low self-esteem in this context as neither positive or negative. It just is. The end. Which makes T types the best Doms (?) Or someone with good T. Or good D…what what!

“Ordered and smacked around” is not necessarily my idea of the BDSM world. It’s discipline, patience, and trust. I like the encouragement. Good girl. That sort of thing. But it can look however you want to make it look. Whatever works for you and your partner. Some people are into humiliation. I am not. I don’t want to receive it and I’ve tried to deal it and it was horrible, awful.

To speak on the low self-esteem bit : I find that subs have the most power. The Doms only do what their subs can and want to do. There is no forcing. There is pushing of the limits of course. But never any forcing. Everything is agreed upon and discussed. “Last time, you could handle 20 spankings. Let’s try 22 today.” That sort of thing. And there’s always what’s called “aftercare” where the Dom and sub discuss at some point after how everything went. -If things were pushed too hard, if they want to be pushed harder. Oy, I could talk about this all day. It’s lovely to me because there’s such a contrast in its beauty. Pain / Pleasure.


#576

Most women I’ve been with have wanted some sort of sub or bdsm stuff, I tend to be naturally dominant. BUT a lot of these women are fucked up. For some I’m not dominant enough! Most recently I had a FWB INFP scorpie moon who wanted to be choked — not normal fun choking — but like this kind of choking where you pinch the throat really hard and literally cut off the air flow. Needless to say I declined! Weird INFP fuck.


#577

You must attract them subs!

A lot of us are, men too. As long as no one is hurting anyone, then I see no problems.

Yeah, INFPs would seem like the ultimate sub. Maybe? Yeah, I think.

And that throat is a sensitive place. You can do some damage to that trach. I just like a firm hold. Kinda like Goldilocks - not too limp, not too tight. Just right.

Adding: Thinking on it more, I think I might like the really firm type too. Not where I can’t breathe - but maybe just on the edge. Cause I’m thinking of sometimes my husband has held a little tighter than usual and I’ve had to turn my head to get a little release. Yeah okay so, scale = Too Light - Just Right - Too Tight. I’m in between the just right and too tight. Oh, but it all depends. It depends on a lot. The person. The mood. But I’m sure you know this.

And people have to be into it, ya know? I don’t like a throat hold if the only motivation behind it is me telling you.

Hey, Rum puppy, are you guys still friends?


#578

Thank you. Pain and discipline can be cathartic, even empowering in strengthening the will, part of the reason I run marathons, but doesn’t appeal sensually to me at all.

My ENTP friend went on a first date where the guy went on about how much he liked assertive women. So being an assertive woman she asked pretty quickly: you mean just bossy or are you looking for a dominatrix? He wanted to experiment with the latter and she didn’t. I too, can do regular bossy, but more for efficiency than enjoyment of controlling others. Mostly not even that, people can do whatever they want as long as consensual and doesn’t interfere with me, but is interesting to understand why.