Relationships - Love - Sex


#601

Yeah… You see, that is what I meant with “what is love”? For me, it has little to do with those initial anima/animus projections and is certainly not contained by feelings alone. To me, love is everything. The most important thing. The guiding star. (But I can’t do it with feeling types! So fuck feelings, in a sense. But love is all. So even the feeling types I do love.)

Bear in mind that INFJs have a different relation to all this. Especially if we’re talking about thinking. So who am I to tell an ENFJ what is love!

Baby don’t hurt me…

I never watch Austin Powers.
But I get what you’re saying.
But do I?

paveikslas


#602

In conclusion, I am not enough.


#603

Everyone’s definition is different and I do separate two different kinds of romantic love. The in love part and the love part. The in love part is so fluffy. Like sex and ice cream. And walks on beaches. And staring into each other’s eyes until starvation. Love is the hardcore boring shit. But it’s lasting and consistent.

But let’s say I love you, Ignas. Who cares? I mean it’ll feel nice and it’s lovely. And it inspires. But for reals, you’re living far away … and you probably don’t lick ass. Just an example. Love is not enough for me. Love alone will never make me stay.
And let’s be for real for a sec. You honestly think love is enough for an INFJ to stay??? Nah man.

And you need to watch Austin Powers. You’re missing out.


#604

I love this paragraph and how not perverted you deem me. :smiley:

My answer to your question: NO! But when you say, that love is not enough and when I say that I am not enough, we’re having very different experiences in the back of our minds. And different concepts of love, still.

Hm, I don’t feel like the right person to talk about this.

Maybe I need some Austin Powers. :slight_smile:


#605

Maybe it’s safe to say we both have some walls? :blush:

Everyone is the right person to talk about this.

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#606

paveikslas


#607

@Ankh - I’ve been having the same revelation the past year or so. I’ve been in a relationship with my ISTP boyfriend for several years now. We fell hard in love when we first met. In the beginning, it was full of passion, adventure, and some of the best sex I’ve ever had. But as time went on and we phased out of the rainbows and butterflies, I started to feel increasingly unhappy in the relationship. I still love him, but I don’t feel mentally stimulated by the relationship and I wonder if he truly even sees me or if he’s capable of understanding my complexities. He seems to be completely oblivious to my unhappiness, though I know I’m also to blame for this since I have not been honest with him about the way I feel. I just wish I didn’t have to tell him and that he would just notice.

It’s been hard for me to fully come to the realization that my partner doesn’t fulfill me in the ways that I long for. All I want to do is break free, but I’ve been dragging my feet and delaying the inevitable because we’ve been together for so long and there’s such a comfort in our relationship that I afraid of losing. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not fulfilled because he’s the wrong person for me or if I’m just not capable of finding lifelong happiness/fulfillment with anyone. Because even if someone does “check all the boxes”, the kind of love that I so deeply yearn for will inevitably change and become the reality that is life…

My dad once told me something about love that’s stuck with me to this day: “the only way [romantic] love can truly be preserved is in memory.” I was 18 years old at the time going through my first real heartbreak over my first love. My dad, who’s never really opened up or shared anything about his life before us, came to me with a photo album and began telling me the epic story of his first love. The album was essentially a time capsule, filled with all the letters his first love had written to him and photographs of them together. I read through the letters as they referenced lyrics to Jim Reeves songs that my dad had grown up singing to us - it all started to make so much sense. My dad and his first love had to go their separate ways when he emigrated to the United States (where he ended up eventually meeting my mom), and even after nearly fifty years, he still hasn’t let her go. But I realized his love for her only lasted because he didn’t actually end up with her. I’m sure if he had, it would’ve eventually grown to become the same loveless, unhappy, broken marriage that my parents have had since as long as I remember.

I think the greatest blessing for me is that I’ve already found my soulmate, but in my best friend. She and I have a bond like no other and everyone who’s known us over the years, including our men, understand that the love and understanding we have for each other is unparalleled (ever watch Naomi Watts and Robin Wright in Adore and witness the pure understanding they have for one another? kinda like us in a nutshell minus the whole fucking-each-other’s-sons thing). She provides me with the mental stimulation and emotional understanding that I don’t get from my boyfriend (which actually only makes it harder to leave him because she somewhat fills that void).

I guess what I’m trying to say to your statement about love not being enough is that you’re completely right, love isn’t enough. We shouldn’t expect to find personal fulfillment in just one aspect of life, let alone one person (it’s also why I’m terrified of motherhood but I digress…) How can it be enough? There is so much more to live for. Anyways, I totally went down my own rabbit hole and I’m not sure if this even gets at what you’re seeking to express but it sure helped me express what I needed to, so thanks for that ha!


#608

Hmm! It’s like I’m looking into a mirror!
Thank you for sharing all of this, gypsy. Yes, it gets at what I’m trying to express.
Love is not a lie to me, but the implication that it can heal all or save you is bull crap. -to me.


#609

I’m having a hard day

:confounded:

Today is and will get more hard :weary:


#610

Hang in there. I’ve learned, beauty is born from this place of hardship and despair.

“Love is not enough” Love is not enough to sustain a long term relationship? Why should it be? Love and relationships are two different things, no? Should the one, on its own, be able to create or sustain the other? Idk.

Something that’s helped me a lot throughout the past year or so has been journaling about what I want (being brutally honest with myself), and clarifying my conception of whatever it is that I seek. It saves a lot of time and unnecessary heartbreak.

I read this book, “Love: A History” by Simon May. He sifts through several theories of love throughout history and unifies them with a definition that is true about all of them. It’s my favorite definition of love so far, and I think it may help answer the question you asked “Abigail” in one of the articles on the main page.

“the implication that it can heal all or save you is bull crap” -my mental gymnastics and experiences can both negate and confirm this. :slight_smile:


#611

Thank you, Bibi. Didn’t you have a lovely photo of yourself up? :blush: