STELLAR MAZE DISCUSSION FORUM

Relationships - Love - Sex

Ooh, those are big questions.

I’ll start with what’s implied. What is NOT important to me?

  1. Marriage, meaning children and family are not what is important to me now. Now is not the time to think about it. Will it be important to me in the future? I’m not sure. I may vehemently deny it now, but in 10 years time that may change.

  2. Domesticity and stability. I hate thinking about these two things. To live life trapped into a routine. 9-5 work, go home, make dinner, sleep, repeat. What the fuck? No way. I want to live unconventionally. So all in all, for domesticity and stability, I certainly do not value it. Does that mean it’s not important? Well, maybe it is. A minimal threshold must be met because we human beings have basic needs to remain healthy and sane. Consciously, I want to say that I don’t care for too much comfort. Unconsciously, it may be different. Perhaps I value it a lot but take it for granted. Let’s just say that I don’t want to invest my time ESTABLISHING domesticity and stability. Someone else should do that for me.

Now what IS important to me? To me, what is important should be important now and in the future.

  1. Finding, committing, and fulfilling a burning desire. That desire will not be my fucking boyfriend, partner, or whatever. It will be something else that will be productive, made with my bare hands (figuratively speaking). However, it will be good to have someone by my side who will support me emotionally and help me domestically. Again, I will NOT do the domestic work. Someone else needs to do it. Or I do less of it and have my partner do it. Or we hire someone (if I get the money, man!)

  2. Changing something. I feel like I’m called to change something. Or at least go against the grain. Do something significant and impactful, both to the world and myself. Ties in with #1.

  3. Being recognized for my work. Which I will achieve playing fair. I don’t want to put fame first before the interest and good intention. I just don’t want my work to go to waste being unknown forever. Every good work deserves to be known.

  4. Someone to share my life with. I’ve realized that to stay sane, I need to be with someone. I must not live alone. Is this a lie to myself? Not sure. I have become far more stable by having a relationship. I don’t want love to be the focus of my life, but I’d like to treat it as a basic necessity much like food, water, or sleep. However, should I have children and family? Not sure if I have the time for that considering my ambitions above.

  5. Challenging myself. Being brave. To sacrifice my ego and learn and discover something new. Perhaps it’s #5 that will lead to the fulfilment of #3. I’m beginning to feel that a lesson that I must achieve in life is to be brave and jump into the unknown. My ego resists it in a way that signals that it is the right path for me to go. Learning something completely new, and perhaps even difficult, on a persistent basis is likely something I must embrace in life…What I must not do is to run away, insecure and scared, but to bare my ignorance and learn the ropes and excel. It’s hard at first but quickly becomes stimulating and life invigorating as I start to get into the flow - I would feel the flowers blooming.

I hope you have that written down somewhere for reference other than this place! :flushed::dash:

Yes, I should save it somewhere!

Thanks, Amerika! Your instincts are on point. Perfect questions at the perfect time. :slight_smile:

Nah, man.
I’ve just seen some things. Imaginary things. :crazy_face:

NononononononoNO.

So many splurge of feelings come up when I think of this question.

I hate when I sound so self-absorbed when I answer questions like this. Like I want to Ne everywhere and say, “Well, there’s this so and so and that so and so could be an exception…” But sometimes that makes me go in circles and induces some slippery slope of, “Uh, what was I even saying again?”

So imma hit your question hard and go home (well, go to sleep!)

I know from the discordant feelings I feel that I don’t agree with this notion.

It’s so fucking dreadful to pin all your hope on Mr. or Mrs. Perfect make you feel happy, when honestly, that a feeling that people should be able to feel and sustain on their own.

And the issue is further complicated by being a woman and being told you have to be chaste for some dreamboat to come along, or to make yourself small for some guy’s ego, or to just settle because, “Well, I have to do this marriage thing and kid thing at some point.”

It irks my spirit to just, quite honestly feel like I have to trap myself into some marriage where I only feel like ‘meh’ about my partner and should have the attitude of, “Okaysie! My life is over! Time to be a mom and wife and fulfill my true duty because my dreams and desires outside of this role were just meaningless fantasies uwu!”

I WOULD NEVER! I literally have too much pride, and almost feel like I am not made for relationships. I can’t ‘clean up’ into perfect wife, doting mom, or supportive girlfriend role. I can’t wrap myself up into someone else shit because I’m too stuck in my own! Hm, I actually probably have commitment issues!

But yeah it’s like, I’ve never been into the whole lukewarm feelings thing or hoping love will come later thing. Like, conventionally embarrassing thing about me, I haven’t done the whole love and sex thing in my life. I never felt the rush to participate in romance, sex, or relationships just for the sake of it. I have, for the most part, always been comfortable and maybe fiercely protective of my ability to choose to do these things at my pace. Very selfish about that lol.

But I say all this to say that, women don’t need marriage to make them happy. I mean, it’s like marriage has to attack women to make them fit into it. The whole chaste thing, be everything to your husband and kids, stay at home, forget yourself, this is the highest form of happiness for you, be happy about all of this. It just seems completely unsustainable based on how it seems women have to be duped into marriage to even have it be something to be looked forward to.

I just think the whole institution of marriage needs to be revamped. I don’t think marriage is inherently bad or unsustainable. It just needs to be more grounded and less idealized. No one needs to think their partner is the end all and be all of their happiness. It’s just someone you love and want to spend your life with. Or as they say, build your life with.

Marriage is cool, but all these crazy inner and outer pressures to be married and to uphold outdated and maybe useless gender norms are ass. And so much more, ugh. But I think for sure women have been conditioned to equivocate happiness and marriage.

And don’t get me wrong! There are those women who get married and become homemakers and they are completely fulfilled in their marriage and motherhood. My gripe is that the institution of marriage seeks to “break in” women by having them find their value in husband and kids and to forgo a life outside of the family unit because a woman will be unhappy or not smart enough, etc.

Well, I guess those thoughts are more old school. They’re not as pervasive and accepted now as they used to be. But the energy kind of hovers there like an angry wound for me.

Basically, marriage is an old institution that need to be revamped. A lot of stuff about it is outdated or demeaning. It’s not inherently bad or good, it’s just the methodology and religious expectations for marriage aren’t really needed now a days. How can we make marriage work for us as people in the 21st century? How can we make marriage work for whatever relationship we’re currently in? That seems like a good place to start for people getting married or wishing to get married in these times.

Or don’t. And be in perpetual singlehood like me :upside_down_face::wink::crazy_face:.

I don’t know where to put this. And I’m unsure I haven’t shared it already.

Relationships, love, sex - a good place even for Marina alone, ENFJ that she is. :relaxed:

The first video made me tear up! An interesting performance art.

The other one I know of by Marina was when she was in a room with a bunch of props/tools on the table. The rule was that anybody can do whatever they’d like with her with the tools given. This of course revealed people’s base tendencies towards violence and violating others.

Not sure who first came up with that idea. Yoko or Marina.