Si minimums for ENFJ


#1

I find ENFJs fascinating, both, because they want to be and because they are…

@lunar brought up Si minimums for enfj in another thread… and I thought her idea that it might entail enfj learning how to stay safe in a relationship was interesting…

So… I think there are two interestingly complicated sides to an enfj…

One is, of course, the Ne id… this makes them constantly test their limits… or… they tend to think there are no limits to the exploration of the body and emotion… they are either trying to cross boundaries that threaten to limit their self-expression or trying to challenge the boundaries that others have defined for themselves… there is also a restlessness or dissatisfaction with all that is known… because… this can’t be it… there’s gotta be something more… they hate it if you think you know them, because that makes them finite and finite is somehow worthless… this behaviour is typical of an enfj in the throes of their id… those making the best use of their dominant and auxiliary functions of Fe and Ni will channel the urges into communicating the possibilities they envision to others via… conceptual art…

The other side is the Ni auxiliary being stretched too far… they can go to any length to get something to meet their highly-idealized expected manifestation of a situation… this includes relationships (as mentioned by @lunar), where they will not stop till they have achieved what they believe to be the perfect manifestation of a relationship, even to the detriment of their personal safety… no stopping… they are chasing after an Ni vision! the same applies to how they want social situations to play out… they have the best intentions in mind… they want to create the perfect atmosphere for social interaction and growth… and they already know how to make it happen, if only, they could get everyone else to conform to their vision… this inevitably leads to enfj getting too stressed out about not being allowed to/able to convert their visions into concrete reality (they do have Se in the tert)… this is what I think of as biting off more than can be chewed… they have very high standards of perfection, which they judge themselves by… they assume themselves to be failures if they are unable to realise these standards, even though it is not an actual sin to fall short, considering the cooperation of an assortment of people is required to achieve these visions, as they are applicable to (and in) the external world (in contrast, INFJ disappointments are the product of a struggle with the internal)… stress of this kind can also make enfj snap and become very snappy at others…

So how might Si minimums help them?

Does Si tell their Ne id to calm down, stop wandering and try to find comfort and satisfaction in what they have and what is familiar? Does it tell their Ni to apply itself to what is known to be tangibly achievable and aim for perfection in that area instead of spreading itself thin in the quest for what’s elusively​ immaterial?

@Blake and others, what are your views?

@Ankh… what is the one thing you find most limiting/annoying to do?


#2

Si for ENFJ means they have to slow down a bit and not be this big ball of fiery, spontaneous energy that is 24/7 a force to be reckoned with.

Patience, child.

Also, they have to watch their diets a bit. They tend to forget to take care of themselves when they are on the rising tide of their manic upswing (Fe with N). ENFJ can easily burn themselves out because they forget to eat properly and get proper rest, ya know, boring shit like that.

A lot of them also like Seinfeld, an ISFJ type. So, that’s the positive form of Si for them.

They hate ISTJs and they are more or less lacking in the qualities I describe that ISTJs have in this lovely article I wrote about those poets of nay.

Consistency, regularity, evenness of mood, minding your p’s and q’s, and other such boring qualities of those grammarians of consciousness.

Well, ENFJs need a little (a minimum) of those qualities to not fly completely off the rails. A little goes a long way.

If they do too much, of course they will be quite unhappy. Just a little.

I think when Axl Rose (Guns N Roses) wrote the song Patience (“just need a little patience”), that was an ENFJ reminding themselves about their superego function. Just a little bit.


#3

Limiting and/or annoying to do…hmmm…

Things I HAVE to do. That might encompass a lot, but when someone or something tells me I HAVE to do something or be someone, then I automatically rebel. Even if for some reason, the way I am SUPPOSED to do it is the “right” way in my mind.

I am most comfortable with a little structure, like Blake says. A little. Too much and I go the other way, too little and I’m a little lost.

Yes, Blake mentions patience. That’s a huge problem for me. Always has been.

When you ask about limits, piggie, I do think of something physically limiting me. So, putting me in a category or label, telling me where I can and cannot go, telling me how I should act…What I find limiting are the things that are true to the definition. They physically or mentally limit me in some fashion.

In our consults, I would be curious about my type, but not want to know. And I would tell Blake, “I don’t have a type.” I don’t like any labels. And I’m afraid I create too many for myself already! Ha!

The diet thing and just taking care of one’s self is also true for me (wtf?! How did he know I ordered Chinese last night?..lol). If I have too much on my plate, I break down. I can’t take it. So everything gets forgotten about, and for about a week - maybe less, usually not, I live a hobbit lifestyle. Wait, do hobbits brush their teeth? haha. Going out to the grocery store and planning healthy meals becomes a stressful situation that I will decide not to face, because I’m too busy. And it doesn’t have to be busy in the physical sense. It’s the kind of busy that’s in my mind.

Slowing down for me, is the forest. It is my peaceful place. There are nothing but trees, and what do trees do? There just are. They “be”. And I learn lessons from them every time I go. The cold months can be difficult for me psychologically because my tree time is limited. Also, weird thing…well, I don’t know if it’s weird: There is a natural spring there. And it is my belief/feeling that it is magic. And every time I go, I dip my fingers in it and draw a line from the top of my forehead to the tip of my nose with the water. And I say hi to the three guardians of the spring. They are old trees. I literally touch them and say, “hi”. haha. I have a ceremony/tradition with the forest every time I visit. It’s sacred. Not to mention all of the animals and creatures I see - Snakes, butterflies, birds, toads, deer, squirrels, fish…

Seeing things as they are and never what they could be, is what is good for me. It brings me back down. Stabilizes me, grounds me, balances me. The outside world is so crazy in today’s world. Go, go, go. And I desperately try to keep up, but it’s not good for my health. So reminding myself to step back, accept my path, and embrace peace is my focus and struggle.


#5

Is this common to both ENFs then? My sister (has manic depressive tendencies) will either not eat at all or binge on junk…

Ahh so Mr. Axl Rose is enfj too… yeah was having trouble thinking of entj singing a song like Estranged…

@Prax
Can we create a category for listing celebrity types (the ones that have been confirmed by Blake in previous discussions)? Maybe everyone can pitch in with what they remember…


#6

So if someone were to say, ‘hey you’ve had wayy too much to drink already, you need to calm down now!’, you would be like ‘fuck you! I’m gonna drink’? So if I want to make you do something I need to push you to do the opposite? :wink:

This sounds very peaceful… is this the place you took the stone from and then felt guilty about taking it away from its natural home? :stuck_out_tongue:

Being around non-human living beings… especially cats/dogs makes enfjs calmer… like it’s necessary for them to have pets… all the ones I know have cats…


#7

I miss your comments lunar!

Do you mean me or Erika?

Because I fuckin adore George Carlin! :heart_eyes:


#8

Okayyyy…I guess this isn’t entirely true. Because with alcohol, if someone ever said this, I would be very disappointed in myself. I don’t like to reach this point. And me drunk…? I would never say “fuck you!” I may say, “fuck me”…

Yep! This is the place.

Yep, I need animals in my life. I need that connection. Maybe ENFJs like animals so much because they don’t have to put on the Fe mask with them. It’s nice.


#9

@piggie
Done! I also split music thread to add more to the category lol.

As for ENFJ Si-minumums, it does make sense that it’s about focusing on the task at hand and also some kind of ritual/routine to give them a sense of grounding. I also talked to my INFJ friend a bit about this, and we were talking about how ENFJ very often are able to strongarm people into getting things done the way they want, but they have to be mindful of remembering promises or enough particulars to keep people on their side. Usually they are good at that because they have good Fe, but it’s those extra little Si touches that matter and make people think they matter to ENFJ (traditions, dates, names, etc.).

Like @Ankh, your trip to the woods and small ritual helps you zone in and meditate because you get to go back out in the world and make it move for you or make a mess. lol… Whatever comes of it.


#10

Thanks :slight_smile: I’ll make a reference for all the celebrities Blake has spoken about in his old articles the coming weekend…

(lol @ the strongarm thing… it’s what I was thinking when I said they want to create the perfect atmosphere for social interaction and already know how to do it… just didn’t want to use that word for it :joy:)


#11

My ENFJ cousin who recently opened a microblading business strongarmed and harassed (multiple phonecalls each day!) the city councillor and mayor into signing and giving her official certificates to bless her new business. lol

Strongarming is definitely the correct word… HAHAHA… but like Wendy and Blake have eluded to: iron fist in a velvet glove.

My cousin does have to pay attention to the Si-min particulars, like business taxes, health and safety standards, etc… She could probably use a secretary or receptionist to handle that for her if her business starts taking off because Si-min should be that… minimums… otherwise burnout occurs (she has in the past overextended herself due to demand, thinking she can handle all the levels of details then burns out and moves onto next thing… before this it was nails, then catering, then lash extensions… etc… and she was good at them all.)