STELLAR MAZE DISCUSSION FORUM

Significant Others and Type

So I think I finally nailed my girlfriend’s type down… For the longest time (been together 3 years) I thought she was ISFJ, but no longer! It just clicked for me and I’m 95% sure she’s ISFP.

Here are the reasons I thought she was ISFJ:

She’s very much into tradition in many aspects of her life. If she’s done it since she was a kid, she’ll get upset if something happens to prevent it: how a certain dish is prepared, a certain tradition connected to a holiday, her weekly family get-togethers. And that brings me to my next point:

**Also! She remembers things–VERY specific things–about events that happened to her when she was 3-4 years old and beyond. She’ll remember what she was wearing, what she was doing, what the weather was like when she was 3-4 years old!? It boggles my mind every time, because it’s hard for me to remember shit that happened yesterday, much less when I was a toddler. She amazes me with it.

She’s extremely family oriented. She loves them more than anything in the world, and she says she’d never leave the place we’re in–as in move somewhere else–because her family is here. Her dad comes to our place every day to hang out (which honestly is really starting to get on my nerves.) She talks to her mom on the phone 2 million times a day, etc. etc…

Then, she says all the time that she can’t stand it if she doesn’t know what’s going on, as far as big plans, our financial situation, things of that nature…

But then it dawned on me… I’ve known forever that she’s ISFx–maybe these things I described above are associated with Si id!

Because other than those things, she is very much an ISFP:

She’s not “soft” like we’ve been describing ISFJ to be. She doesn’t look like someone you could walk all over and treat as a door mat. She’s tough too. I met her working at a hotel–she was a housekeeper and was one of the best there. She always put her head down and worked like a champ every single day, often in 100° heat, rolling room after room after room.

I can tell she’s a deeply emotional person and lives in her feelings constantly, but she’s not very expressive at all. I ALWAYS know when something is bothering her, and it takes a good amount of prodding and prying to get her to open up about things, but she does usually end up telling me. But then there are times when she’ll insist that nothing is wrong, so I won’t keep bugging her about it. But yes, she definitely lives from her feelings. It’s the world she inhabits.

Also–not very often–when something has really touched a nerve with her, like hit her right in the moral code–she’ll get very angry and lash out like a snake. It often comes out of nowhere, but after those situations, I know to try to stop joking about certain things. Well damn, I should’ve started with this point, but these situations usually arise when I’m joking about something (I have a VERY fucked up sense of humor and nothing is really off limits to me as far as joking around.) So she’ll start fuming about whatever the joke was about and she’ll call me an asshole in all seriousness, and I’ll laugh my ass off and promise her never to joke about it again.

So yeah, I know she has a very put together moral compass, and certain things will set her off. I would expect this kind of thing from an ISFP instead of an ISFJ.

But yeah! :grin: I figured I’d make this a topic…

My apologies if there’s already one like it elsewhere

Can you put more pictures up?
ISFJ’s can get very pissy when their morals are crossed. I’m not saying she is one, just saying so you know. They more tend to walk around like a storm cloud, like tight lipped and fuming. Much less likely to confront you, but like the atmosphere is just thick and stormy and you know someone did bad, but you don’t know who [if full house] or what? Or maybe it’s just me that is so preoccupied with the feeling and fearing I did something that I’m kind of bamboozled. And not saying ISFJ never says, but sometimes they don’t or can’t and yikes.

Yes, I shall :+1:

Nooo, she’ll definitely let me know that I pissed her off lol. And when she’s angry, it’s not as if the atmosphere is stormy and thick–because I know people that cause this–but it’s just her… It’s hard to explain. It’s all contained within her, then she explodes. If that makes any sense at all??

Is she irreverent?

No, not at all. She’s very polite towards people and sacred issues. You can tell she has many things that she holds sacred.

Holding things sacred sounds more isfp to me, but it’s hard to tell like this. Isfjs of course hold their family sacred, but with most things I would say there is a relative indifference. They stay above things in a sense. They painstakingly puzzle through their days but are noncommittal about many things.

That’s funny because actually to my very typing-stupid mind it does feel significant lol. It points more to isfp than to isfj the way I picture it. But I’m terrible at typing.

That said, from the pic I wouldn’t have been able to say “oh look at that pic of an isfp!” so I’m not sure I can hep. She doesn’t look terribly isfj though to me. Don’t know.

So what do you see as her struggle and strive? Her inferior, could you tell me about that?

She’s the opposite of this. Very black and white and rigidily takes a side on big issues.

No, she doesn’t look ISFJ to me either, and I think the messy bun does kinda matter. One of my first questions is ISFP or ESFP? The amount of social she is, is messing with the kind of lone and busy aspect I am used to in ISFP. I think they do socialize more by far than me, but the phone calls all day?
However, if busy, it is so often for family. So I don’t know.

Yes! Or silently committal until they see the reason for change.

wait but are you isfp? does she remind you of you? if you don’t see any similarity it would seem one of you isn’t isfp?

She wants very badly to be an amazing mother. She wants soooo many children, and she really is an awesome mom to our son. She beats herself up about it, but she honestly has nothing to beat herself up about. She’s extremely loving, generous, attentive all the time.

And I know all she wants more than anything is the epitome of the traditional American family, a stereotypical family, with like 4-5 children. And I go to work all day while she takes care of the children.

So basically she strives to be the best mother in the world.

Out of those two, 100% not ESFP. Lol she’s too quiet and reserved for that…

Honestly I don’t think I’m ISFP. In some ways her and I are alike, but we’re moreso different than similar. There are way more differences than similarities.

If she’s an ISFP, which I’m fairly certain she is, then there is no way I am–I guess is a good way to put it lol.

How’s her sense of direction?
Reaction to stress/ pressure?
What will she do to calm herself down?
Do you guys misunderstand each other often/did so in the beginning?
Is she into sports?
Is she distracted/ in her head often?
Sorry for the interrogation!
If you want to share some more spontaneous pictures, that would help. However, my selfish self would also like to warn/remind you that this is not a private thread.

How do you feel about 4-5 kids?

Ok. I wish I could help more. I feel confident that I have a handle on what an isfj might be like but less sure about isfp.

To me an isfj can seem infinitely refined and that is where their anger vanishes, into their infinitely refined self. It terrifies me lol, the way the anger is not expressed. I just can’t imagine being like that as it sounds stress filled and is also super obvious so it feels heavy on me that they aren’t expressing it because I can see it anyway.

I don’t know how the analog tends to go for isfp as I have none in my family.

Do you mean geographically or ambitions in life?

It depends on how much stress/pressure. But if it’s not too much she’ll want to be alone and gather herself. If it’s a lot, she’ll start acting like how I described earlier: she’ll get visibly angry and yell at people, all the while trying to hide the fact that she’s very stressed. But it’s always written all over her face.

She’ll go buy a bottle of wine and she usually drinks the whole thing throughout the course of an evening :joy:

Yes, we do kinda often. We both frustrate each other to no end sometimes. But I often sort of tune her out, especially if I’m working on something at home. I get very focused on whatever it is. I have to ask her to repeat what she said quite a bit. A lot of the time she’ll go into all kinds of unneeded details while she’s telling me about something, and I’ll sometimes have to say, “Well what was the point of that??”

Not really, no. We never really watch sports at all.

No, I wouldn’t call her distracted. She always seems to be aware of what’s going on. I see her tune out sometimes, but if something happens, she’ll bounce out of it quickly. She’s definitely quiet and reserved, but definitely present most of the time.

And sorry for taking a while, guys. I’m working of course :unamused:

And an added question @T_Alex_B :crazy_face:

What is she like with kids? You said she is a very good mom–what are her mom star powers?

I don’t think of isfjs as doormats. But I do think they abuse themselves. They abuse themselves doing things you never asked for for you. And then they want appreciation. That would be those isfjs that tend in that direction. Some isfjs aren’t as locked in to that.

They are usually smooth, socially. Noticably so. Most people would notice it about them.