Wow, I am back after all this time! Sorry…I had to take a break, because all this categorizing stressed me out.
I was wondering, who here has trouble socializing? 'Cause, damn, I know I do.
It’s like over time, I’ve gradually forgotten how to speak and relate to people - or no, maybe I’ve never known how to at all. But the thing is, I don’t think I cared back then, whereas now I do, all thanks to my INTJ father constantly beating the idea of practicing Fe minimums into my puny little head, although (jokes on him) I’m probably INFJ or INTP. Ugh, and because of that, my eyes have opened to this strange realm, and fuck, it’s not cool when you’re an adult and you suddenly realize you’re left out, helpless like a little baby in social gatherings. Someone talks to me, and there I am, suddenly freezing up into an icicle. Everything feels forced, and nothing flows. My every word is super polite but super fake/artificial (and that makes other people feel uncomfortable). And unfortunately, if no one is talking to me about science OR their life, their worries, their philosophy, their troubles, their grand ideas about art, and etc (AKA stuff I care about), I can’t speak (oh, how I selfish of me!). The most I can do is smile. Haha. awkward smile Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. shifty eyes
Any INFJs struggling with the same? Maybe I’m incredibly blocked or something…Or maybe secretly I have already made a judgment on a person and decided not to talk to that person at all. It’s like I send out this crabby vibe that I don’t truly want to talk to the person or even care about them, and of course, normal human beings will pick up on that. They get this feeling that I want to end the conversation immediately, and it’s true, not only do I feel incredibly uncomfortable but also, agh, I’m impatient - just get to the point and enough of all these social nicety fluff-stuff!
Whatever, so looking back at all this, I guess I don’t actually care about people or making a good impression of myself, but then at the same time I feel incredibly guilty about the way I treat others…Hell, I wouldn’t like it if other people treated me the same way.
But then again, playing the games of the social sphere just causes me too much stress: Hmmm I wonder if I should behave like this so Aunt X or Y will be pleased…Why is he not smiling? Agh, I did something wrong!..How am I supposed to continue this conversation? This is stupid, I’m not going to see the person again. Do I end this topic? Do I just get up and leave? Sigh, I miss the times when I didn’t really care at all about other people and what they think. Sob, sob, sob. And funny thing is, people never found me weird or awkward back then. They liked me whether I was quiet or temporarily histronic…or maybe they didn’t, and young, naive me just didn’t pick up on that.
Sorry, I’m rambling and looping so hard.
Introverted (or extraverted!) intuitives, what say you when it comes to your social life? And those of you who are savvy with these things, H-A-L-P.