The automatic pourover


#1

Was just thinking

Someone should invent a machine that would drop hot water over a pile of ground coffee beans and collect the water below, like an automatic pourover.

Until then, i guess we will have to settle for coffee in its natural form, encapsulated in Keurig pods.


#2

Huh? like this one?

or are you talking about something else?


#3

I think he was joking lol.
He’s talking about drip coffee machines that seem to be taken over by keurig and tassimo (and nescafe?) pods now.

Maybe channelling Juicero debacle.
We shall call this new machine the Podfree.


#4

I think keurig machines are expensive and a waste.
although I like to use them when I go get my oil change.

oh fun fact/advice:
don’t get grinded coffee. go for the whole coffee beans.

they mix dirt and other stuff in grinded coffee to gain more profit.
you might be drinking feces and other shit that you don’t wanna know.


#5

There is like some allowable percentage of bug parts and feces in coffee I think and I feel like coffee upsets my stomach probably because I’m allergic to bug parts, but not sure!


#6

I love a stiff cup of shit in the morning!


#7

Bulletproof in a French press for me.


#8

Many delicious bug this morning!!

I wanted icecream but they do not serve icecream this early. :crying_cat_face:


#9

Speaking of coffee pods, behold Wendy’s coffee story!!! (I blocked her so she cannot screams at me!!):

So, the office space we’re in right now has an unnecessarily high-tech coffee maker. I don’t understand it at all, but I took a whack at it this evening. It comes with very detailed instructions, so there should have been no way for me to screw it up. In theory.

First, it says to stick one of the Special Exclusive-to-the-Machine coffee packs into the slot thing. One of the packs in the Special Coffee Pack Compartments is labelled “frothy milk”. I’m like, cool, I love coffee with frothy milk. I stick it in.

Now, I’m delusionally assuming that just because it was in the COFFEE compartment, SEPARATE from the creamers compartment, that means it has actual coffee in it. No, it’s just straight frothy milk. And I can’t drink plain frothy milk. If I’m going to take a huge, lactose-intolerance-induced dump in the fancy office bathroom in a few minutes, the experience needs to be caffeinated. Or it’s just not worth it.

But I can’t simply toss the milk and start afresh, because that’s wasting resources, and there are starving children wherever, or something. I also don’t want to put another coffee pack into the machine. Don’t ask me why. I have no good reason. Anyway, so then I decide I can just tear open another of the Special Exclusive-to-the-Machine coffee packs and just dump it straight into the milk. It’ll be fine, I say, much like the Gunshow “This Is Fine” Dog saying this is fine while his entire house bursts into flames around him, if the flames were made of badly-made and probably expensive coffee.

To provide some context for my foolishness, I’ve been spoiled by Korean instant coffee, which you just open up and dump into your cup for immediate, over-creamy, over-sugary, caffeinated deliciousness. I forgot that American coffee doesn’t work that way. So I’m staring at the coffee or something approximating it, and wondering why it’s an ungodly grayish color. And then I’m like, oh yeah. Coffee grounds, duh.

I’m still going to drink it. Obviously. So I put some sugar in. Like, five packets. I straight up just drop the entire fifth packet into the cup. Paper and all. I drink the coffee. After all, I’ve tried so hard and got so far, and it the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Anyway, it tasted okay.

(jk, she asked me to block her and I have consent to post! I love Wendy! She is so funny!)

And speaking of, here is my coffee story!!:
Man, this McDonald’s Iced Coffee is running through my system and i am poopinsg!!! wwow!!! '-'b


#10

Yeah but as long it’s fair trade shit I’m okay with that.


#11

Oh my god @Wendy and we were worried about bug parts and feces lol.

You do the frothy milk and then put espresso in it!!! It’s okau to use two packs if You’re a Closer Wendy!


#12

We’ve got one of these fancy coffee machines:

Makes excellent coffee from fresh beans, but only the inventive genius of an ENTP can figure out how to operate the damn thing (the manual is next to useless!).

My partner keeps saying he’ll show me how to use it, but somehow never does. I suspect he’s afraid that I’ll scald myself to death or take out the entire neighbourhood in some coffee-grind-powered thermonuclear detonation…

The sad part is that he’s probably right! :fire:


#13

Maybe not understanding this correctly, but isn’t it the same thing as a French Coffee Press?


#14

Yeah prax is right I was just pining for the days of drip coffee and thinking its funny how coffee shops charge extra for pourovers.