Speaking of coffee pods, behold Wendy’s coffee story!!! (I blocked her so she cannot screams at me!!):
So, the office space we’re in right now has an unnecessarily high-tech coffee maker. I don’t understand it at all, but I took a whack at it this evening. It comes with very detailed instructions, so there should have been no way for me to screw it up. In theory.
First, it says to stick one of the Special Exclusive-to-the-Machine coffee packs into the slot thing. One of the packs in the Special Coffee Pack Compartments is labelled “frothy milk”. I’m like, cool, I love coffee with frothy milk. I stick it in.
Now, I’m delusionally assuming that just because it was in the COFFEE compartment, SEPARATE from the creamers compartment, that means it has actual coffee in it. No, it’s just straight frothy milk. And I can’t drink plain frothy milk. If I’m going to take a huge, lactose-intolerance-induced dump in the fancy office bathroom in a few minutes, the experience needs to be caffeinated. Or it’s just not worth it.
But I can’t simply toss the milk and start afresh, because that’s wasting resources, and there are starving children wherever, or something. I also don’t want to put another coffee pack into the machine. Don’t ask me why. I have no good reason. Anyway, so then I decide I can just tear open another of the Special Exclusive-to-the-Machine coffee packs and just dump it straight into the milk. It’ll be fine, I say, much like the Gunshow “This Is Fine” Dog saying this is fine while his entire house bursts into flames around him, if the flames were made of badly-made and probably expensive coffee.
To provide some context for my foolishness, I’ve been spoiled by Korean instant coffee, which you just open up and dump into your cup for immediate, over-creamy, over-sugary, caffeinated deliciousness. I forgot that American coffee doesn’t work that way. So I’m staring at the coffee or something approximating it, and wondering why it’s an ungodly grayish color. And then I’m like, oh yeah. Coffee grounds, duh.
I’m still going to drink it. Obviously. So I put some sugar in. Like, five packets. I straight up just drop the entire fifth packet into the cup. Paper and all. I drink the coffee. After all, I’ve tried so hard and got so far, and it the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Anyway, it tasted okay.
(jk, she asked me to block her and I have consent to post! I love Wendy! She is so funny!)
And speaking of, here is my coffee story!!:
Man, this McDonald’s Iced Coffee is running through my system and i am poopinsg!!! wwow!!! '-'b