What would your ideal life look like? Where would you live? Who would be with you? How would you spend your time? Do you see a pathway to get there from your current point in reality?
I actually don’t think I’m that far from my ideal life. It is close. I have moved to a new city that I like much better than my old city, and I like the people I am around right now. I’m happy with the my romantic partner (that I moved here partially to be with), and my job prospects look good. My mental health is way better than it’s ever been. I just need to earn and save some money, and get a certification/license or two to do the actual job I want to do (life coaching/psychotherapy). Not to mention start building that practice. And maybe exercise a bit more and remember to go to the doctor/dentist. So, there’s not much that stands in the way. I predict that within three years I’ll have the ideal life that I want. (Within reason; I assume this ideal life is something that is actually achievable and realistic.)
This is actually a good reminder, since sometimes I still have a tendency to fall into the usual INFJ E4 “woe is me” trap. But happiness comes at a price; I’m much happier and much more stable than in my twenties, but I don’t make the art that I used to. I made the best work when I was the most miserable. On the other hand, I don’t want to pay that price anymore. And look, I’ve made the work, so I don’t need to keep doing that anymore.
It would be similar to the life of an old country squire. I would have a city house and a country house. A few hounds would live with me at the country house but strictly not in the city house. I would have a maid for a few days for cleaning in both houses. The country house would have some what of a garden, a fruit, vegetables. Not too much tho, tho maybe this property was situated on a former orchard, so I would suspect quite a lot of old plantation would be left over, adding to the enjoyment of the bucolic life I am now living. In the country house I would have time and the freedom to write my essays, literature, reviews, and histories. At this point I would have perfected Latin and would be undertaking a fresher translation of some of the classics. Most morning would be spent keeping up to date with the newspapers and correspondence that comes in (letters still come in). The city house would be situated in the heart of the city. It would be fairly indistinct but almost built like a fortress if you really paid attention. Ideally it would have a courtyard inside. For my city life I would focus on my business and my responsibility to public life and virtue. I would spend a lot of my time educating the younger generations. Socially I would be the organiser of the beefcake club — a gentlemen’s weekly get together where we discuss fine things and eat good steaks. Family wise I would be married to a niceish woman. Traditional looking, reserved, resilient. The type of wife you see next to politicians. She will allow me to have extramarital affairs — it’s ok, she didn’t marry me for my fidelity but for my charisma, trust, wealth, and power. She will give me at least three children. At least two boys.
Can INFJ Men Be Charismatic Badboys?
I would have a property with a river running through it. When I was there I would write stories, and visit when my kids and their kids wanted to come see us. I would walk on the acreage with my dogs and cats every day [Get them after I do long long trips].
I would read and look things up to my hearts delight, watch movies and study typology.
I would sit by the river often and walk in it barefoot. There would be a hammock.
My ass would be slapped frequently and I’d have hickeys almost every day.
When I am not doing this I am traveling the world, for as long as I like till I get homesick. I would live out of a backpack and go wherever I wanted, dragging my husband along. He would probably want to go home before me and I would have to convince him a little longer, first this place, then that, first this beach, then that winding street. Walk and walk and walk some more. Or rent a motorcycle or scooter to get around, or bikes. I’d swim or read in the sand or walk the beach while he surfed or scuba dived… I might try scuba diving. I would stay in one place as long as I wanted or head out if something else caught my eye. We would walk through foreign towns and eat all the things. Well, not all, just the appealing things. I would smile at the people and animals, meet their eyes. We would visit temples and listen to church bells.
When I got tired of going to foreign lands, I would go walk about on mountains and valleys and anywhere silent and vast in the states or nearby. My feet would carry me. They would not hurt. My body would not hurt, nor my head. I would be in very good shape from traveling… and would not be afraid to dance or cry.
I would have my camera… for all of this.
If it worked out with their life, we would take the kids if they wanted.
I would speak and not fret that it was wrong. I’d live Wabi-Sabi as I love it in others.
I have a long way to go on some of these… others may be achievable a little sooner.
I love geneva questions! I hope you answer these too!
My ideal life is all mental. My ideal life is a state of mind.
I think it’s unfair to me to think of all the ways my life is not currently ideal. Sure, we strive for something better. A better version of ourselves. But that should never stop. Self-improvement should never stop. Only when we die does it stop.
And speaking of death. That has been on my mind more so than ever. My mother’s friend is dying of metastatic breast cancer. She’s got a shit ton of problems. It’s spread to her liver - and sounds like her bone too. She has an ascites drain, her kidneys are failing… she’s never hungry she’s always nauseous… she’s tired as fuck. And now she just has a bad attitude. She was originally diagnosed 3 years ago, then cleared. But it’s come back with a vengeance. She’s on chemo, or was. She’s currently too unwell to receive chemo right now. So it’s a limbo thing right now and she doesn’t want to discuss hospice. She asks questions like, “why me?” “Why is this happening to me?” “I don’t want to die.” She’s 56. She doesn’t want to know any details of her exact state (which makes it a bit more difficult for me to tell you everything that is clinically wrong with her - as well as the doctors). There are more details, but I’m trying not to give any bias. This is all bringing up the question to me of how to die. We focus on how to live everyday. But I’m more focused on preparing for death these days. Trying to. Which is a good way to lead one’s life I suppose - to prepare for death. Those Stoic readings are really getting to me! lol
I just finished reading a tiny book called, “How to Die”. It’s all snippets of letters that Seneca sent to people on the subject of death. Good stuff. Rumpup, speaking of Latin, the first half of this book is his work translated in English; the second half is in Latin.
As far as my ideal life (mentally), I think I’m pretty much there. There are some things I still need to work on as far as developing my character or morals. But I feel ready die. Which is a good feeling to me.
Hope this isn’t too morbid!! Ahhh! Can always count on this Scorpio ENFJ to bring you blood and guts.
This resonates with me, Erika. I feel like I’m very lucky in that I have everything/everyone I would ever want/need. I’m going to keep trying to do better and to be better, but like, everything from here is just icing on the cake. I think this mostly has to do with my mindset. I work on accepting what is.