The most annoying thing about INFJs


#1

Here it is, folks!

The most annoying thing about INFJs and the area where they really end up with a lot of egg on their faces is how they will choose to rant at length about Ni-based assumptions they have made, without having gone through a rigorous-enough Ti fact-checking process to 1. be firm enough in their assertions (even if they pretend to be) or 2. to actually be, uh, right.

I mean “right” in the sense of “if they actually did some basic research on what they were talking about they’d decide they were wrong.”

Since, to be fair, INFJs can usually concede that they are wrong. IF they take the time to look/listen. Which I think they fool themselves into believing they are usually a lot better about doing than they actually are.

I mean, I do this, and I definitely see this in other INFJs.

Anyway this is why INFJs all annoy each other. Well, one of the reasons, of which there are many.


#2

Absolutely! I often enough find myself in a discussion that wanders into a subject I haven’t thought about for a long time, and I’ll think or say something and immediately reflect, “Wow that’s some random stab of Ni I had fifteen years ago and never revisited, how am I gonna walk back from this one!”

And even where it’s something I don’t reject on second thought, I get a hazy sense that it falls into a category of “Ni strut that holds up my world picture and is useful for that reason” and not “thought I can expect others to share.” It’s like @Stewart said in one of the other threads about Ni-doms being slow to realise, growing up, that what happens in their mind is not “thinking.” I was in my mid-twenties before that became apparent to me.

I also see this in ENFJs, where it’s more visible and systemic but less embarrassing. Ni skewed to executive Fe with no real Ti oversight.


#3

Hm. What you’re saying is interesting because while I don’t personally relate to it, it really brings to mind the INFP-described experience of Ni/Fi, especially the “realizing what I am doing isn’t thinking” part.

Reminds me of what a really sharp INFP friend I had said about her feeling-thought-muddle process, that it took her a really long time to realize just because she thought/felt something, or understood something, she automatically assumed growing up that others would see, feel, or understand things as she did, and it took her until well until adulthood to realize that usually wasn’t the case. And when she realized this it was really unsettling to her.

Anyway this type of thing is, I guess, why there often feels like a lot of overlap between INFJ/INFP and why one type can mistake themselves for the other or look like one and actually be the other or even maybe be something in between.


#4

Well I am INFPish in some of my behaviour, so that isn’t surprising. I certainly can relate to what your friend describes, except the being unsettled by it-- if it feels like anything it’s like the ugly duckling’s sense of liberation. Or, at least, it makes sense of why I arc to meet people where they’re coming from, and offers the freedom of choosing not to, or how to. My parents are neurotic INPs and share a deeply felt, unwritten axiom that everyone sensible does see, feel, or understand things as they do, so you can see where I got the idea.

What I mean in particular is that, naively, I took thinking to be “how you get an answer,” the working-out of a math problem for instance. And I would always solve math problems more or less by seeing the answer, but (perhaps because my “intelligence” was highly praised) I assumed that was because I was “thinking” faster. And then inevitably I would run into social perplexities where some Ti-user would not only be slower to an answer, but would “think” their way to an answer I could see was wrong. Cue the “how can you know that?” “…How can you not?”

I guess both INFJ and INFP are likely to experience the Ni–> [inadequate Ti] dynamic. My mom folds all the time in Ti arguments where you can tell she feels that she’s right and you’re wrong but totally lacks the words to say why. As a child that was my default too (well, I’d rage), but as an adult I just shift the ground because endless Ti hair-splitting is tiresome, or use Fe to prevent the argument in the first place.


#5

For infp, also realizing that Si is not “thinking” takes forever:) years Haha. Revisiting endlessly…

O gosh…what IS thinking? If you just think of it as using your head…we all do it.

But apparently infp does not lol. Most confusing…teehee.

Well I use my head to nod. I have a friend who picked up the habit of nodding to me because mirrors who he talks to. Funny


#6

Oh yeah infps just lose when others start using Ti. Capitulation.