The Types as RPG Characters


#1

Part 1: The Sensors

ESTP: Heavy Fighter.

Benefits: Can use all blunt weapons and swords. High strength, physical defense and magic resistance. Immune to most status effects. Has increased mass, making “Shove” skill useless. Is in original party with hero, as childhood friend, and stays through to end. Positive, buoyant personality.

Problems: Rocks for brains, meaning that you will have to tell him when the enemy is actually dead, or he may continue to whack it until he collapses from exhaustion. Relatively high stats to start, but stats max out early, especially compared to N comrades. No ability with magic, because it’s ‘for pussies’. Vulnerable to confusion caused by Enchantress’ “Shiny” attack, and to all female opponents – DO NOT USE IN BATTLE AGAINST SORCERESS OF ELZABOND, OR YOUR WHOLE PARTY WILL DIE. Will get the hero through early trouble, but, by the time end boss is reached, Heavy Fighter is completely useless, unless changed to special “Gangster” class.

ISTP: Kung Fu-ist

Benefits: Excessive work-ethic yields extremely high stats, and the capability of maxing all martial arts skills, including the famed “Triple Eagle Snake Claw” attack that no other character can use. Cheap equipment yields higher bonuses than for other characters. Only character that can operate the Airship.

Problems: If weapons are equipped, the ISTP becomes distracted by them and may not attack at all, preferring instead to fiddle with or otherwise monkey with said weapon. Attacks with a high “Philosophy” attribute, especially those used by the Orang Wu-Tang Clan do extreme damage and typically kill the ISTP in the first round. Recruiting is extremely random and difficult; talking to the ISTP 100 times might yield no response. There is some evidence that the ISTP is, in fact, really an NPC Weapon Shop owner. Weak to “Karaoke” attack that some monsters have in the music box forest.

ISFJ: Mom

Benefits: Free room at house for sleeping and recovering. Will provide potions when supplies run low.

Problems: Not actually a playable character. Has only 3 lines, “Welcome home dear.” “How did you sleep?” and “Oh no! You’re low on potions! Have some!” In a poignant turn of events, the ISFJ is killed in chapter 3 when the demon-dragon knights of Gordnax burn the town to the ground.

ESFJ: Lady Barbarian

Benefits: Although not as hot as the ESFP, still pretty darn hot, and possesses much higher stats. Most equipment has the word “Bikini” in it – the pink “Bikini sword,” the hot pink “Bikini Axe,” and the hotter pink “Bikini Bikini.” Proper combinations of pink can cause temporary blindness. Has special “Beserk” skill that is triggered when enemies do inappropriate things, as judged by the ESFJ, which grants an insane 5000% stat boost, and kills the offender instantly. When in “Beserk” mode, can walk straight to the end of any dungeon, through walls and over pits, if necessary. “Beserk” can be combined with the “Bait” skill, which causes the ESFJ to strike suggestive poses, to ensure fatality for all enemies – even the final boss.

Problems: “Lecture” command, which makes hovering suggestion bubbles over all menu selections, is pretty much active from the moment of ESFJ recruitment. If any character is caught looking at ESFJ’s copious physical assets, that character is immediately ejected from the party – this means that ESTPs will not be able to be in the same party at all. “Beserk” can also be triggered by player actions – for this reason, it is recommended that ENTPs not be included in any battles involving ESFJs.

ESTJ: Brute Barbarian Economist

Benefits: High strength, High Resistance to Magic. Has “Poach” skill that allows enemy animals, or pets in town, to be turned into saleable skins/furs. Good with guns and bows, and receives a 20% damage boost when attacking anything living. While in party, everyone is immune to “Confuse” and all thieving skills. Comes with free “Accountant” skill that yields compound interest on gold held for more than 5 turns of combat.

Problems: Cannot be teleported with rest of party, because of belief that teleportation is ‘nonsense’ and ‘poppycock.’ Instead, the party will have to wait for him to arrive on foot, wherever it is they went. Cannot do damage to magical enemies or the undead, as these sorts of enemies do no exist. Higher-level ESTJs will trigger the ISTJ “Whine” skill if the player purchases items or weapons too frequently. Stat boosts and bonus experience are turned down, on the grounds that these are not necessary for a ‘Real Hero.’ Not recommended to be combined with ENTPs or ENFPs, as it auto-equips the Obligation Leg-iron on the ENTP, and causes the ENFP to spontaneously combust.

ISFP: Ranger

Benefits: High agility and intelligence, and has unusual skill set. Stat increase by 50% when allies are in critical state. Can learn intermediate wrestling, rangering, thieving, or mage skills. Gives a +20% stat boost to any characters of the opposite sex that are in the party. Immune to “Siren” skills and ENFP Sorcery, but gives +20% stat boost to INFP magic.

Problems: Will sometimes inexplicably kill self, or quit adventuring to settle down with immobile spouse to raise pigs. This can only be avoided by not talking to any NPCs while ISFP is in party, making quests, staying at inns, and shopping difficult. If in same party as INFJ, will provoke INFJ to constant “Rage” state, and will likely be killed in the process.

ESFP: The Character with the Boobs

Benefits: Boobs. Only character that gets outfit changes, with the highest-level outfit being the “Holy Bikini Corset.” Only character that increases defense stats by increasing amount of exposed skin. Special ‘Jiggle Joust’ attack can be easily repeated, over and over again. The only character that can level up outside of combat – any action that cause the ESFP to bounce, jiggle, or otherwise be exposed grants free experience points. Highly resistant to magic attacks, as that stuff is just ‘nonsense.’

Problems: Aside from magic immunity, not a very strong character, with lower-than-average stats (~30%). All outfit upgrades reduce intelligence exponentially, eventually resulting in an inability to eat, walk, or use basic tools. Because of aforementioned benefits, however, most players will consistently include this character in the party, meaning that recruiting an ESFP amounts to a 30% stat penalty for the entire game.

ISTJ: Alchemist

Benefits: Early intelligence boost and decent intermediate magic skills. Gets extra random items at the end of each battle, which may be quite high in value. Has special ‘Detect Thief’ skill that prevents ‘Pickpocket’ and other thief skills from being used on party. Once recruited, will stay in party for good.

Problems: Cannot learn new skills – only skills available are those that the ISTJ starts with. If player engages in any sidequest, ISTJ’s hidden “Whine” skill will become active, bringing up a whiny dialogue box every five steps the player takes, which can only be cleared by a combination of five button presses. “Whine” is also activated if player does not have item inventory organized, or sells an item that the ISTJ had in their own inventory. Cannot be used at the same time as any NT (except INTP), because “Whine” goes into overdrive mode and crashes the game. While early stats are much higher than N counterparts, later N stats are significantly higher.


#2

Part 2: The Intuitives

INTJ: Assassin

Benefits: All attacks include poison. High agility, low visibility. Only character capable of “single hit kill” skill. Can suck the soul out of enemies and absorb their experience and skills. Can learn “Octopus” attack and permanent “invisibility” skill. At highest level, a special menu command ‘Make it So’ becomes accessible, allowing player to select any NPC they want to ‘be eliminated.’

Problems: While stats appear high, there is an automatic 25% decrease when battle is begun. Actually working for Evil Boss Badguy, and may, in fact, BE evil boss badguy, just biding time. Will not attack when told – “attack” command makes them “defend.” “Defend” command makes INTJ attack. Easily killed with white magic spells. Heal 2 should finish off an INTJ that has maxed levels. When hitpoints are low, has risk of going into “Rage” skill that halves all stats and unequips all gear.

ENTJ: General

Benefits: Highest fighting skill and intelligence. Can use heavy armor and guns. Capable of using all weapon types. Extremely high strength and physical defense stats. Starts out 30 levels ahead of player, and will never leave throughout game. Special ‘Share XP’ skill gives experience to party members not in battle group.

Problems: While in party, all battle commands for all characters are disabled, and instead decided by ENTJ. Always uses “heal” potion on round 8 of boss fight, regardless of health level. Magical enemies will be attacked with physical weapons, regardless of evident effect of actions. Unable to use magically-enhanced weapons, or any other magic at all. No resistance to magic, and will be killed instantly by ice1 spell cast by green slime, even when on level 8,083.

INTP: Hermit

Benefits: Extremely high magic skill and wide range of alchemy skills. Able to concoct potions and items of peculiar kinds using a machine of own invention. Has auto-organize skill that always keeps the item inventory organized according to several different logics, which are selectable by macros. Completely immune to magic attacks.

Problems: Character appears recruitable, but is most often not, being closer to an NPC. May be able to be recruited at certain points, but only for subquests that are within 2 squares of original meeting point, but will leave immediately upon completion. All stat information is inaccessible, as is magic information. INTP acts autonomously during fights, and may cast useless magic for unknown reasons, relating to private joke that you will never get. Weak to ENFP Sorceress’ ‘Confuse’ skill – best not to have them in the same party.

ENTP: Wizard

Benefits: Ultimate magic skill. Has special ability to locate invisible treasure, and can identify items for free. Always 20 levels higher than everybody else in game, and has double experience bonus for every fight. Special ‘Provoke Argument’ skill can be used to make opponents fight amongst themselves. Can use thief and machine skills if situation calls for it. Only magic character that can equip guns, clubs, or blunt objects.

Problems: Appears and disappears entirely at random. May appear for part of a fight and then leave, taking equipped items with. When returned, items that were equipped are gone without explanation. Sometimes can be found on both sides of the same battle, turning on player for no apparent reason. ‘Provoke Argument’ skill may randomly affect player’s party instead of enemies, or even the ENTP themselves. Some players will not have ENTP at all, in the entire game, or think that they do, but find out later that it was a frog. Can be kept around by equipping “Obligation” leg-iron, but this halves stats and eliminates magic spells. May fill entire screen with dialogue, for the entire game, preventing the player from seeing where they are going. Banishing the ENTP from the party will likely result in combat with ENTP later on, which is not recommended.

INFP: Cleric

Benefits: Can cast all heal spells, with very high effect. Capable of limited black magic, including highest spells. High skill with staves, and capable of using bows. Interesting backstory evident from non-playable sidequest that can be found by de-compiling the game code.

Problems: Looks just like an NPC, and thus often missed out on entirely. Will not equip bows, citing fact that skill level is only ‘B’ whereas other members in the party may be ‘A’ or even ‘S’ level. Black magic only good for killing everyone on the field, and INFP won’t use it anyway because they think they can’t use powerful magic. No dialogue in entire game; all responses are ‘…’ unless you take them to invisible room at back of third palace town, but the amount of dialogue this causes will crash the game

ENFP: Sorceress

Benefits: Has access to all spells in the game, at all levels. Stats are invisible, but capable of inflicting mortal damage on final boss when on level 1. Can speak to animals, plants, and inanimate objects. Easy to spot in crowd of NPCs at the Tavern, so few players fail to recruit the ENFP.

Problems: Will tend to wear suggestive clothing, but the player will end up wishing ENFP hadn’t. Suffers from permanent “Confuse” status effect. Spell casting is completely random, as is target. May attack other characters, or cast reflect on enemy before casting Fire5. If any attempt is made to remove from party, ENFP casts Metero100, ending life on the entire planet.

INFJ: Hero

Benefits: Low stats to start, stats grow to insane levels as game progresses. Only character that can use Legendary Sword of Hero-ness. In final battle, immune to boss attacks. Size grows by 5000% when HP reduced to critical, due to special “Rage” skill. When in “Rage” mode, enemy stats reduced by 5-25% due to Scowling.

Problems: Refuses to earn experience with low-level fights. Attacks final boss in first 5 minutes of gameplay. Dies immediately. May mistake other characters, and possibly the princess, for “Final boss”.

ENFJ: Paladin

Benefits: High stats, can use powerful white magic and swords. Highest strength stat in game, and never leaves party. Has special “Protect” skill that absorbs damage aimed at weaker characters.

Problems: In combat, unequips sword, hits self with fists for damage. Magic is inexplicably greyed out in menu. Healing potions cannot be used by other characters. When dead, auto-revives and begins process again. All other characters are judged as weaker, so Paladin stands in front and prevents them from acting, while hitting self with fists. Party is always brought to a standstill. Best to leave Paladin home, occupied with a side-quest.


#3

Infp! This is gold!

Wow it seems so rare that people actually have real handle on the types when they do this stuff but this guy actually gets some of the finer points like isfp/infj relationship, funny stuff about infp, man, I love it.


#4

Lol

This reminds me of a time I described a colleague (who was enfp) to an executive who was confused about how to utilize him, and why/if the enfp was even truly good at his job, as “a series of tactics you have to aim in the right direction.” Entp is a lot like this too tend to think, but I love the difference here between how the types are portrayed upon banishment. Entp is banished, goes to other team. Enfp: banish ATTEMPT causes nuclear war. Lol.


#5

Since you helped me to rediscover these little gems, I can’t stop laughing at the ISTJ one. [quote=“Stewart, post:1, topic:606”]
Cannot learn new skills – only skills available are those that the ISTJ starts with. If player engages in any sidequest, ISTJ’s hidden “Whine” skill will become active, bringing up a whiny dialogue box every five steps the player takes, which can only be cleared by a combination of five button presses. “Whine” is also activated if player does not have item inventory organized, or sells an item that the ISTJ had in their own inventory. Cannot be used at the same time as any NT (except INTP), because “Whine” goes into overdrive mode and crashes the game.
[/quote]


#6

they really are good. I had an istj guy doing my floors recently, like putting in baseboards. He whined for 30 Minutes at me about how the guy before him had put the floors in wrong, and wanted me to complain. I didn’t agree and finally figured out he’s pissed because Lowe’s has been giving this other contractor business when like, as he could detail for me in nineteen ways, my floors were obviously complete shit. He was totally oblivious to how little his particular complaints about the floor meant to me, and how his whining amounted to an annoyance that made me feel bad about my floor for no reasons identifiable to me. I finally told him, “I just don’t care enough to complain, I’m sorry. No way am i interested in having this all torn out and redone. And you need to learn man, nobody wants a perfect floor. They want to feel like their floor is perfect. The other guy gave me that. You should think about it.”

He isn’t going to think about it.


#7

ah this is so great.


#8

This happened frequently when my ISFP brother and I were kids. We are similar in age so were expected to play happily together so our two XXFP/Pisces Sun ditzy parents could escape and do FP stuff without pesky brats around.

I am the oldest sibling and was expected to “look after” annoying younger bruv. And he took full advantage of this by pressing Every. Single. INFJ. Hot Button. until I flew into a berserker rage and started pummelling him (to no effect whatsoever, as he just laughed all the more). His timing was impeccable, as our parents unfailingly returned at the exact moment of maximum INFJ insanity, and I would be grounded for the next few weeks!

Or would have been, if aforementioned ditzy Pisces parents hadn’t forgotten all about it by the next day…


#9

Hah, I missed this bit before! I’m told I have an Epic-level scowl than can kill at 100 paces…


#10

Hahah I still love all of these!
But for INTJ one, was it they halve their own stats in rage mode?! LOL


#11

This is what I’ve found. Especially in romantic relationships when they are hurt or when something violates a principle they hold dear. They try to tear the other person/institution down in a way that ends up being almost like a child throwing a tantrum by way of grownup logic, sarcasm and snide remarks. It doesn’t have any of the heavy rage or scariness of the INFJ or ENTJ’s Fi.

Now, an INTJ long term revenge plan would scare me. But that would mean they have to get out of their Ti and into Te which would reduce the childishness and probably just make them avoid the person causing irrational emotional distress.


#12

This is something people underestimate about ENTPs.