You Know You've Found An ISFP When?


#1

I think I found an isfp which is supposed to be my “soulmate” type according to the Maze and I wanted to ask you all how in the seven heavens you can determine for certain someone is an isfp especially since Blake mentioned in his articles that they can appear very different depending on their upbringing (the magic of Fi)…

Thanks in advance!! :kissing_heart:


#2
  1. ISFPs are very susceptible to Fe. By which I mean, if you can use your harmonizing people skills (dom Fe) to make them feel good (their dom Fi), you can get them to do almost anything AND like doing it for you. I would guess you’re probably really good at making people feel very valued after they have done something for you. ISFPs appreciate that very much.

  2. ISFP/ENFJ are often a good match emotionally because ENFJs need space but they also want to have at least 1 person around them most of the time (a person who knows to give them space, that is). ISFPs like to be around their loved ones but generally they won’t badger you too much like an extrovert would.

  3. They really DO NOT care about logic…which is not to say they can’t BE logical or that they dont understand it (i.e. I know sometimes we joke on here that they’re the “dumbest type” but on an individual level plenty of them are pretty smart). What I mean is that logic and “things making sense” is usually a non-factor to convincing them of anything. But, they can be swayed into stuff as long as you’re appeasing their feelings. Basically.

  4. As you’ve said and as Blake said, how they are as people and in relationships is VERY affected by their upbringing. They can be some of the most chill, kind, and easygoing cool-cat folks around, or they can be sneaky, treacherous, manipulative, shamelessly selfish and inconsiderate, etc. How they treat you is also tied very much into whether they like and respect you. If they do, you’re golden.

  5. As far as identifying them I think Blake touched on a very important point that they HAVE to activate their auxiliary Se in some way to be emotionally healthy. This seems to me to be even more of a magic bullet for them than Fe-exercise is for INFJ, which to say, a lot. What this translates to is…do they have an art, craft, sport, or exercise routine they really dedicate themselves to?

Those who lack this tend to not have anything to build any self-confidence on, and they usually end up coming across as more sullen, whiny, reticent basement-dweller types.


#3

Yay! Talk about ISFP!

I wrote to johno once that maybe isfp are so responsive to bullying/bulldozing (Fe or Te) because they are forced to Se-react in the moment and keep moving or die haha.

They are, maybe above all other things, survivalists (much like istp thinky cousins), so often they survive off the social charities/scraps of others, and somehow… it works?

Their sense of aesthetic is often TOP NOTCH, even if they have no self-esteem about it. lol If you compliment them, and it is not ON THE SAME LEVEL of “like” that they like it, they may be dismissive and ungrateful unless they already are predisposed to liking you.

  • If compliment is below what they believe they deserve or criticizes them: HMPH I DIDN’T ASK FOR UNSOLICITED ADVICE. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED ON THIS. [some kinda tantrum, perhaps vented to loved ones or social media]
  • If compliment is on same level as they believe they deserve: [silent acceptance] or “thanks!”
  • If compliment is above what they believe they want: [silent “this person is a fool”] or “this isn’t actually that great but I’m glad you think so”

Usually they have an air if mystery about them with a sense of dangerousness. This is due to scorpio-ish Fi and Se-aux also Ni tertiary for the extra mystery. Often quiet and often mistaken for INFJ from the outside? But on the inside… maybe not quite as much intellectual philosophizing going on unless it’s their niche “thing” they are obsessed about.

This also means they they can be completely possessive stalker types. Luckily, they are often too lazy or not technologically interested enough to go all the way, but they are definitely snoopy and suspicious even if they do not say they are. I think they present a chill veneer or try to “stay away from drama/gossip” because they themselves hate being gossiped about and know being snoopy is bad for their anxieties/paranoiac tendencies.

I think they can be very different depending on how they are raised more because they have Si-id perhaps. History… their version of it… is very important to them. Thus they embody and keep traumas and sentimental memories as a part of their makeup probably forever. This means they can hold crazy grudges, long-term irrational habits, etc. unless they can be convinced to Se and KEEP MOVING (hopefully overwriting old old imprints with newer and healthier ones).


#4

wow. Wendy and Prax brought so many great points!

but since i’m Se-Ti user. i’ll try explaining from my view. how to SPOT an ISFP?

first, they look pretty. (maybe i’m only thinking of girls right now)
and this is very stereotypical ISFP. but they tend to look pretty. i dunno why.
and this ‘pretty’ is very feminine and frail feeling. it’s not cute, it’s not sexy. it’s not hot. it’s…pretty.

they usually are well-dressed. stylish. you can definitely see the effort they put in.
and since you’re in college. i’m talking about those who grew out of teenage awkward stage.

they’re usually shy. but they don’t come off as they lack confidence.
it’s like this bitchy-shy. coy?
they may look like a ‘stuck-up’.

…wait.
i think i need to start all over.
you’re trying to spot an ISFP male. and i’m picturing ISFP females in my head.

they just look like(feel like) INFP but more physically well-put.

if you look at bunch of guys playing sports outside.
you see the one who’s playing really hard but not so loud?
and he’s handsome, and cute, and he comes back to bench and drinks his water quietly? yeah. that’s ISFP. hahahaha

and like Wendy said, they don’t CARE about logic.
of course not. if logic is Ti, it’s in their 8th function.

they just have this artistic vibe to them though. like… subtly emotional vibe?
because ISFPs usually don’t show emotions.
but you can almost see the repressed depth of emotions.

ISFPs, they’re not usually loud either.
i have rarely seen ISFP GET LOUD.
they usually talk softly.
it takes a major effort for them to get loud. idk why. but i’ve seen many times.

they almost have a ‘blank face’ when they listen to you speak.

alright. so there’s the ‘surface’ ISFP detection.

and prax brought up a good point on compliments on ISFP and how they receive them.

but if you’re coming from a genuine place, then they usually respond very well.

i think ENFJ will do just fine!


#5

aristocratic?

Like there is always one thing going like “I’m not here to be seen, I’m not here for your eyes,” and another that’s like “pay tribute to Me,” and a sort of, lack of reciprocity as if they were in fact royalty and had a job to do, and the job is to be worshiped, and its hard work but someone has to do it.

Maybe this is the queen to the infp princess.

And I believe it IS hard work and someone DOES have to do it.


#6

I’m not sure why, but I like this. At least, I think I would. Makes one feel special? So who narrows in on who first usually? ENFJ or ISFP?

So @iamrl, tell us about ISFP soulmate man.


#7

that would make sense in Victorian Era.

i think this is very Fi.
if Fe is to impress others, Fi is like 'i do it for me’
and +Se aesthetic.

for ESTP. this is very attractive.


#8


#10

Thanks to everyone for their detailed replies!!! They’re really helpful :smiley:

I noticed him first I think but he was the one who started making actual moves…

I was still hung up over the istp from a few months ago and fruitlessly clinging to that ideal…but somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that this all-around star jock was really attractive with a mysterious sensitive edge (but a bunch of other grad students also thought the same thing unfortunately, sigh, which is why I didn’t try pursuing or anything…I thought he would never be interested in me).

So I just went on with my life…

But then he and I struck up a friendship and now we’re kind of stuck in that weird gray area between friends and something more and I don’t know what to do to quicken the pace…so I figured typing him accurately might give me clues…because I had made a few mistakes in the past by thinking he was an extravert because his Se projection is so powerful…so I would suggest going out and doing stuff but he just wanted to chill…but to tell you the truth the strong projection should have tipped me off that it was really aux-Se haaahaha. He is definitely not a Ti user though (hates talking about math and philosophy and all that stuff) so I’m sure he’s isfp…


#11

Since this is our “soulmate” type, how do you feel about him not wanting to talk about philosophy? And logic stuff in general? Do you like the non Ti users?


#12

I don’t think you can ever generalize a whole type and say that their your “soulmate” but I’ll share my thoughts anyway…

I mean we can have great discussions about the basics but talking about the minutia of philosophy really obviously tires the both of us out so I’m all good with that…see with the istp I always felt like I had to be this perfect logical being but with the isfp I can rely on emotions to convey my intent which comes more naturally…I can do this with enfp too to a certain extent…

Also homegirl, what was in the post you deleted?? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#13

Perhaps responsive to Fe is a perfect word; susceptible I’m not so sure, even with your description of what you mean by it @Wendy; I figure though that if it’s the case that isfp can project a lot of different energies (Se/Ni persona stuff, like from Blake’s How it feels to be completely fucking stolen) or if their upbringing is very influential on them, that it’s possible that some isfps will be what Wendy described and others more like “responsive,” and others–in fact, those who are more in control of themselves and in touch with themselves, I would Imagine–can see and devalue Fe efforts to the extent that they appear blind to Fe. No, better than just blind: immune.

If you have hyperactive Fe, like my Fe Tertiary which is holding a sign that says “Will Work To Pay Off Emotional Debts” (see prax thread about “can infj be bought”), and you witness isfp ignoring Fe, it can be skin crawlingly uncomfortable. The first fourteen times it looks kind of Goddess like, like, precisely how a queen might accept a gift from a wealthy subject in court, nod, and then wait till the gift has been removed to some gift room before asking the subject exactly the thing she would have asked had their been no gift.

It can look like going to the Verizon store and having them tell you that the issue with your phone is on apple’s side, and the Verizon dude says “I’m really sorry, I wish it was something I could help with,” and Fe would either be pissed or accommodating but is likely to validate that the communication has occurred–likely to shrug, nod, smile, swear, whine, speak in a responsive and sensical way. But isfp doesn’t need to do any of that. Isfp can take a totally different route, outside social behavior. Extrasocial. This is the part where I wander off and look at stuff or turn on my headphones so I don’t have to fight my body so hard to keep it from stepping in for isfp and saying “oh okay! Cool so honey he’s saying that we have to go to apple to sort it out.”

Which, the first fifty times I did blurt that out, assuming she didn’t understand what the proverbial Verizon-guy-who-can’t-help-you was saying (becauseI believed that, as a rule, everyone nods their head or says “okay,” or makes a sound like “huh” or anything of the sort to indiCate they’ve heard–not necessarily to concede but you know, to stop the person from repeating themselves. But when I even make those sounds, it relieves the tension in the air that isfp has no problem overlooking, tension that is on Isfps side. Isfp Fi wears high heels and when they need to be on Fe’s balls, isfp knows that the longer she stands there the greater the divergence of pain between herself and Mr Fe-balls. It’s not sadistic but utilitarian.

I don’t do that because I’m too uncertain about what I think I want to justify causing trauma in strangers to get it. And secondly I tend to assume an easier route will reveal itself without my going all Italian Mafia on the opponent. I can see forty ways forward that don’t involve me donning Heels, plus a few that no doubt do, but just because they make my ass look great.

In isfp i would imagine the tolerance for other people’s pain in service of their own aims stems from total lack of Ne, leaving them always in that Si corner fighting for life. So they totaly lack uninvited impulses toward imagining alternative easy outcomes, or of imagining a future where the person on the other side of the negotiation might have some trajectory into the isfps life in a way separate from this run in. Isfp is like “but first I’ll survive today.”

so my experience is that isfp is about as Unsusceptible to Fe as is possible.

Btw what isfp says to proverbial Verizon guy is verbatim what she already said before. Maybe prefaced with “okay so like I was saying, l need this fixed by tonight.” Crush.


#14

oh yeah this is a good point
I do see ENFJ and isfp having lighthearted conversations and it seems fun but too corny for me haha


#15

Haaahaha yeah perhaps it’s corny @supernokturnal but I’m corny so whatevs :wink:

He flaked on me the other day though so I’m busy right now playing harder to get :innocent: it’s interesting to see how men and women get closer to each other…there always seems to be a push and pull…


#16

This is a good and funny description. My childish default-- sensitive to Fe, modeled on my parents’ Ne-- is definitely to play your role at the Verizon counter. But with my brother as a model I’m also learning to do the voluntary zero-Fe stone face, which can be hilarious. It’s also a perfect complement to my wife’s ISFJ approach because I come off as extra bad-cop and avoid undermining whatever Si doggedness she’s putting up.

My brother is suuuuper ENFJish for an ISFP, to the point where I think you’d have to know him pretty well to see past it.


#17

ohhh!
I think it’s kinda cool that you’re drawn to isfps
and you know what, do pottery with him!
he’d really love it. I think

since isfps love creating things with their hands especially artistic stuff

@Ankh I just watched lala land. have you seen it?
Emma stone reminds me of you and my wife loves her. saying she’s cute and funny
and I looked it up and Emma stone, ENFJ
it’s interesting how ENFJ and Fi dominant are kinda drawn to each other
Idk why I’m not drawn to Si dom though.


#18

Haahaha I’d feel like I’d be smothering him too much because I get vulnerable about my art and especially since lately he’s told me about how confused he is about life at least a gazillion times…and he isn’t much of an artist more of an athlete, so idk if he’d even like ceramics!!

And La La Land was so good!!! :heart:


#19

Okay let me add to my statement because when I answered the question, my answer was coming from the angle of “dominant Fe as exercised by an ENFJ”. Very different animal from ENTP Fe.

My experience watching female ENFJs with male ISFPs (which was the context in which I was answering the question, iamrl being the asker) is that the female ENFJ can get the male ISFP to do anything she wants. And not just do it but to genuinely be happy to do it. Well, ENFJs have this effect on most people, but ISFPs can be driven pretty hard. If they feel you’re assuaging their feelings enough, and in the right way (which ENFJs usually know how to do very well), they’ll do it forever, very loyally, doggedly, and patiently, where other types might get run ragged or flake out.

I think there’s something in one of the articles in this site about how ISFPs make good minions for ENFJ overlords/mafia bosses/etc.

This is what I mean when I say they’re susceptible to Fe. To have been more specific I should have said “ENFJ Fe”. Another less nice way to say it is that they are kind of easily suckered by dominant Fe. (Or even auxiliary Fe, but I don’t think ISFJs or INFJs have the emotional stamina to sustain that for very long periods of time even though it is pretty easy for them to manipulate ISFPs if they feel like it, especially if the IxFJ is hot).


#20

I really enjoy movies with ENFJ women and ISFP men. Go figure. They make great romantic pairs.

For example: Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone in Spiderman. I think Andrew was a terrible spiderman but they were so cute together. I stilled liked it over all the other ones.

Also this seems very ISFP humor base on Vagina Man:

Marion Cotillard and her husband who’s name I can’t spell:

They starred in this film which I am also in love with:

Also, like why are ENFJs so hot, ugh. I mean I read the article and it makes sense, but still. Mind blown.


#21

Ahhh stop it the fact that Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield broke up makes me so angsty!!! Are there any more successful enfj and isfp couples looollll…

(Also isfps are really magnetic…something about that aux-Se and then the brooding dom-Fi…)